Someone close to me (and to those I love) recently made some poor decisions that affected us all, and what followed wasn’t pretty. Pain. Grief. Suffering. Those words capture the essence of the bitter sting brought by foolish choices.
You’ve been there. We all have. Broken and strained relationships can haunt our days with all the ragged emotions and troubled thoughts that they foster.
Fortunately, Jesus provides some words of instruction that can help us deal with this prickly issue. Let’s follow along as He takes us from heartache to potential hope and healing:
1. Believers in Jesus will be tempted and will sin against us (Luke 17:1). Although it is never pleasant or desired, our friends and family will sin against us and fail us in this life.
2. We must lovingly confront the person who has sinned against us (Luke 17:3). It’s not loving to ignore the offense and simmer in our anger or to return the person’s attacks with a volley of our own. We must show the radical love of Jesus as we address the offense with the offender.
3. If the person genuinely repents, we must forgive him (Luke 17:3-4). True forgiveness can only be extended if the person who has sinned against us repents. In his book Jesus and the Gospels, theologian Craig Blomberg writes that this means individuals must “change their behavior rather than just apologize.” That’s real repentance.
But what should you do when the person who has sinned against you refuses to repent? Jesus gives us a single word to take to heart: obey (Luke 17:10). As we continue to deal with those who sin against us, we can turn the person over to God and simply obey and follow His Word.
We can’t stop someone from making poor and foolish choices, but we can make godly choices in what follows.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Mark 2:23–3:19
More:
Read Matthew 18:15-22 for more insight into how to confront a Christian who has offended you.
Next:
How did you respond recently to a believer in Jesus who sinned against you? What will you do today to follow Jesus and His instruction as you deal with this broken relationship?
bluefigtoast on June 27, 2011 at 2:15 am
right on target.
I had an issue with a 40 year old friend that was abusive. I told him we can discuss the abuse issues, or we’re done.
We decided to go our separate ways, but I gave him the opportunity to address those issues first.
tom felten on June 27, 2011 at 10:24 am
bluefig, so glad you did the biblical thing and confronted your friend. It’s hard when people refuse to change, but you loving example will likely stick with him!
daisymarygoldr on June 27, 2011 at 2:57 am
In Luke 17, when Jesus told His disciples to forgive up to seven times in one day, they asked Him to increase their faith. Jesus said they need more faith to speak to the trees and have them obey. But they don’t need more faith to forgive, they just need to obey their master and do what they are told to do. For, that is their duty as servants.
I try to forgive exactly the way Jesus and Stephen did. They prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”. They did not say “Father forgive them—only when they repent, apologize and change their behavior”. I’m not claiming to be very Christ-like. It is not easy for me to forgive but it becomes simple when I consider the other better than myself.
If it is a case of a person getting hurt due to a spouse’s poor decision that involved cheating or abuse, forgiveness is going to be hard. And that is understandable. Parents will always forgive the foolish choices of their children regardless of whether there is any repentance or change in behavior. I know this, because mine did. Actually it was their forgiveness that caused me to repent and change.
So, which comes first, repentance or forgiveness? Jesus first grants us forgiveness. We turn back from our sins (i.e. repent) in order to receive His forgiveness and be reconciled to Him. Likewise, when a believer sins against me I readily forgive them. If they do not repent and apologize for their sin, then my forgiveness for them is useless as far as they are concerned.
However if I have forgiven, and the offender is unrepentant, our relationship will not be restored until we reach the other side of eternity. To put this in another way: it takes one to forgive, but it requires two to be reconciled. I agree, on our part we need to make godly choices in what follows. Thanks tom felten for this timely teaching!
tom felten on June 27, 2011 at 10:28 am
daisymarygoldr, thanks for your always insightful thoughts. The difficulty with blanket forgiveness is that sometimes the other person needs to not be forgiven. For example, if they are continually inflicting abuse on a child or spouse, simple ongoing forgiveness of that individual will not be providing what they need. If the person repents and turns from their evil ways (Matthew 18), then sweet forgiveness can be truly experienced.
debs58 on June 27, 2011 at 6:28 am
I’m experiencing this very thing with my son at the moment. His poor life choices and self destructive behavior have led me to confront him. Enabling him for so many years has only made it worse, so I took the hard road and did something very foreign to me and confronted him. I’ve turned it over to God, but sometimes, because I’m human, take it back and worry.
tom felten on June 27, 2011 at 10:30 am
debs, we all experience the doubts and worries. It certainly sounds like you have presented some tough, wise, godly, love to your son. I’ll pray with you that his heart will soften and become filled with a deep desire for God.
F.O.C.U.S. on June 27, 2011 at 6:54 am
Thank you for todays devotional. It a timely encouragement. It’s a sad fact that we reap what we sown whenever we make bad decisions. Some scars only ever fade rather than disappear. The call to duty in such circumstances is a hard one but thank the Lord that in the end, “all things work together for good.” That’s a verse
F.O.C.U.S. on June 27, 2011 at 6:54 am
Thank you for todays devotional. It a timely encouragement. It’s a sad fact that we reap what we sown whenever we make bad decisions. Some scars only ever fade rather than disappear. The call to duty in such circumstances is a hard one but thank the Lord that in the end, “all things work together for good.” That’s a verse I cling to whenever I weep over my life’s mistakes.
tom felten on June 27, 2011 at 10:31 am
Yes, FOCUS! We can do our part and leave the results to God. It’s so freeing to live and love this way.
eppistle on June 27, 2011 at 10:34 am
If somebody sins against me, my tendency is to overlook it and hope that in time the problem will go away. But many times the problem actually gets worse instead of going away. By the time I am ready to address the problem, it’s gotten to the point of no return. It would have been much better to have nipped the problem in the bud when it was small. This passage tells us that we should rebuke the person after (s)he sins against us. Of course we should speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Truth without love is too harsh. Love without truth is too weak.
agapegirl88 on June 27, 2011 at 10:36 am
This is interesting to read for me. I have been that person recently, struggling with an issue and causing pain to others because of it. I have received true and genuine love and non condemning forgiveness from some. However, I have noticed that often forgiveness is not given out of truely wanting to forgive, but as a way for the forgiver to say ‘see what I have done for you?’ and expect gratitude to follow from me. I know that my actions have caused pain and hurt, and this is somthing I hope to be able
to not do in my life when forgiving others. Expecting
their gratitude to me for giving forgivness. Forgiveness is not to bring honor and recognition to the person giving it, and require the receiver to now walk three steps behind the forgiver singing their praises. Just wanted to post from the offender point of view as well. I have learned alot from my mistakes, and it has taken me to a place where I often seemed ‘good’ to where I know God is the ultimate at love and forgiveness and thankful for that.
Grace and Peace
agapegirl88
jimgroberts on June 28, 2011 at 12:05 am
I am reminded of Jesus remarks from the cross “forgive them because they know not what they do”. Stephen made a similar remark while being stoned. We are instructed to forgive as we have been forgiven and may I add – to also forget (an even harder thing to do). In love of agape I am sure our priority is first to forgive and let the Lord correct since the balk in my eye is far to great [Mat 7]. Last thing Jesus had many opportunities to correct and rebuke His own disciples yet He loved them and showed them His good example and used parables.
winn collier on June 28, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Thanks, Tom. I’ve been thinking recently about the difference between grace which gives others space and a false-grace which enables poor choices. I hope for wisdom to walk this path well.