Michael Hanley traded an 8-minute commute to work for an 8-hour one. When his autoworker job in Wisconsin was phased out, he stayed with the company and took the only position available—in Kansas. His weekly round-trip commute is now more than 1,600 kilometers (1,000 miles). He’s gone from his family each workweek, seeing them only on the weekends. But he chose to stay with the company because of the good wages, a retirement package he’s working toward, and medical benefits. Being apart from his wife, however, has been brutal.
The apostle Paul recognized how important it is for husbands and wives to spend time together. He knew that distance can make the heart wander—not necessarily cause it to grow fonder. And so he told the married believers in Corinth, “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations” (1 Corinthians 7:5). He supported this instruction with two points about sex:
(1) Husbands and wives should fulfill each other’s needs for intimacy (1 Corinthians 7:3).
(2) When the two wed, their bodies were no longer their own—but were to be shared by their spouse (1 Corinthians 7:4). It’s essential, however, that we live out these truths in gentle and tender ways (Ephesians 5:28-29; 1 Peter 3:7). Sex in marriage is meant to be selfless, not selfish.
Husbands and wives have the God-given gift of sex as something to be enjoyed (Proverbs 5:18-19). But sometimes we drift apart emotionally . . . and physically. It might not be a long commute that keeps us apart, but things like the lack of loving communication, being unhealthily busy, and not being affectionate throughout the day.
God desires for us to “remain faithful” to our spouses (Hebrews 13:4). To do so requires that we keep the stuff of life from coming between us and them. If we don’t, the results can be brutal.
More:
Note that Paul also lifts up singleness as a God-glorifying way to live (1 Cor. 7:7). Check out verses 32 to 35 for the unique ways the single person can glorify God.
Next:
If you’re married, what is keeping you and your spouse from a healthy intimate relationship? How does God want you to change?
Tyla808 on January 6, 2011 at 2:58 am
What happened to Michael Hanley and his wife? Did he quit his job? I saw the article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/22/michael-hanley-gm-autowor_n_471304.html
Seems like his job was a pretty high priority in his life. I can definitely understand its importance, as a single parent I understand the pressure to “provide” for your dependents. I didn’t have a long commute like Michael did, but I like him, I too placed my job as a high priority. I was so consumed with building a career that my husband became a “single parent” raising our daughter by himself for years while I stayed late at work, brought work home and went in on the weekends.
Until one day he got tired of it all and met a woman who made him the priority of her life and well…that was that.
One can only speculate (and hope) that through fervent prayer and faith God opened up employment opportunities closer to home or perhaps housing opportunities closer to his work in Kansas…whatever the solution, I pray that it allowed them to stay together and BE together.
tom felten on January 6, 2011 at 9:53 am
Tyla808, I so appreciate your honesty and transparency. I’m sure there are many in the odj community who have been encouraged to make some hard changes due to the wisdom found in your post. May God bless you and your daughter today, and may you experience His great love—a love that always remains and is always perfect (Ephesians 3:17-19).
Debrinconcita on January 6, 2011 at 4:13 am
All of the families needs should be considered when making choices like jobs that are far away and the commute will be long and hard? Sometimes it’s not worth the money you make to make sure that your family stays happy and well satisfied, ALL PARTIES in the FAMILY at all times.
tom felten on January 6, 2011 at 10:04 am
Good thoughts, Debrinconcita. As the primary financial provider in my family, I definitely feel the weight of making sure my presence isn’t lost as I work to provide. But many people —including those in the military—must serve far from home for lengthy time periods. In those times, I’m grateful that believers in Jesus have the Holy Spirit living within them to both counsel and comfort them (John 14:16).
lindagma on January 6, 2011 at 6:42 am
I thank God for sons and a son-in-law who make their relationship with their wives the highest priority. No hobby, work or family member comes between them. They are fine examples of what God intended for marriage.
tom felten on January 6, 2011 at 10:06 am
It sounds like your kids and their spouses are truly living out the beauty of Ephesians 5:21-33. May each us strive to love our loved ones the way Jesus loves us—His Church!
dan.hobson on January 6, 2011 at 12:41 pm
I once had to make the same decision when my company went from Albany, Oregon to Vancouver, Washington.
My wife and I made the decision together after prayer and guidance, God turned the trust we had in Him to hang in there, and that job turned into a promotion and a move to San Francisco area, a very good move with an immediate Church family nearby!
AManofGod on January 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm
This blog is very meaningful to me for two reasons. One, it speaks about the intended role of sex in marriage and two, it speaks of what married couples should do as with regards to employment and job changes.
First of all I cannot stress enough that newly married couples (ANY married couples for that matter) should be open and honest regarding sexual relations and how important they are to keep the marriage alive. Our bodies are not our own but belong to our spouses! When we violate that the marriage dies! Don’t deny each other unless for a time by mutual consent was what Paul wrote about in Corinthians and it is still valid today.
As jobs go, let God lead you in the right path. I took a job 375 miles away from my family. I didn’t pray on it. I simply wanted to get away from my [then] wife and the marital problems we were having. Guess what……THE PROBLEMS DIDN’T GO AWAY….THEY GOT WORSE! Now that the marriage has ended I see how running away from the problems didn’t help. I doubt it could have been averted but by not seeking God first I made sure the problems never got properly resolved.
I pray that all married couples or couples intending marriage read the Bible and seek God [and Godly counsel] on issues such as these. They are so vital to the longevity of any marriage. I pray that God can use me and my divorce situation to teach and reach Christians so that they never have to experience the premature end of a marital relationship.
Be Blessed.
AManofGod
raiyinn on January 6, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Praise God for His Word and this devotional!
Just four days ago, I drove my girlfriend to the airport for her flight to Hong Kong. She will be studying at HKU for the next six months. She is my first girlfriend and one week from today, we will have been together for seven months.
Two reasons why I relate so much to the “long commute”: first is waiting for my girlfriend to return to the states and the second is to trust in God.
In the grand scheme of things, waiting for half a year is just a fleeting memory. But because I’m so young (22 years old), I have trouble cultivating such patience for her return.
Second, trusting in God that this relationship will work for His Glory has been a challenge. Though we fight and sometimes question the purpose of our relationship, I think God has been faithful in reminding us that we were meant to be together for a great purpose despite these daunting circumstances.
As difficult as it is to sometimes see, I believe that in order for our relationship to work, ultimately God must be the One who will carry us to the end.
Mr_Firstman on January 6, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Praise God and let us worship HIm forever!
i, myself, as a hardworking professional who lives pretty far away from my family, always get the comfort i need whenever i feel that “guilt” of being far away from my family through Jesus Christ. He reminds me that He’s always there to protect not only me but also my family. there are many circumstances that i’ve had to testify to that. and i am glad to tell everyone that God has never failed to fulfill that promise!..He is truly a GOD that never fails..
andrikristo on January 7, 2011 at 12:18 am
I believe it wasn’t an accident that God drove me to this devotional. I thank God for encouraging me through His children.
God sent me a lover 4 months ago as my birthday gift. We separated by ocean. I’m from Indonesia and she is from Hong Kong. We met online. We lucky to meet each other. We believe God arranged this.
We get quick deep feeling to each other. She sent me gifts and have a great attention to my family through gifts & questions. We used to pray together via Facebook chat or Google talk. We talked about planning for our future. Married, job, even she was asking me about the name of our children.
Mid December she broke me up, coz there was fight between us. I still love her. I pray everyday asking God to send her back to me. I believe it wasn’t an accident that He met us. I believe He has great purpose for us and His glory. I don’t want run away.
I’ll keep pray for her, keep waiting for God to fulfill His love, care, and great plan for my life.
God bless u all 🙂