Q: How can I forgive someone who has deeply hurt me but is unrepentant? Brittien and Sharon
A: We believe that if a person is not repentant, there is no possibility of forgiveness. Forgiveness occurs when a person repents, turning from their wicked way.
The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgives us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13.)
God offers forgiveness to the world through Jesus Christ. He came and sacrificed Himself for us even while we were unrepentant sinners (Ephesians 2:4.) His forgiveness was there for us when we saw our need for Him and repented. Anyone, anytime, can turn from their ways, and accept this gift. But not everyone does . . . or has yet (we never know when someone will accept the free gift of salvation).
I believe that we need to have hearts that are ready to forgive. However, not everyone thinks they need forgiveness, so how can they be forgiven? God doesn’t force anyone to receive His mercy and forgiveness; nor should we.
Our part is this: out of humility and thankfulness for God’s forgiveness for our sin, we offer forgiveness and we stand ready to forgive. But the other person can only receive it if they choose to receive it (Mark 1:15, Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19.) We present it, but if the offender does not accept it, he or she does not have the benefit of receiving forgiveness. Receiving forgiveness is up to the offender, not the offended. You can’t forgive someone who doesn’t want to be forgiven.
In these cases where forgiveness can’t be granted, we can be in danger of developing bitterness. The solution to that is to grow hard-hearted and pray that God will fill you with His love, no matter how the other person responds. It’s also helpful to remember that as maddening as the person who hurt you can be, they’re in need of a Savior, Jesus Christ, just like we are.
I hope these thoughts are helpful. Thank you for contacting us! —Allison Stevens
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mike wittmer on January 30, 2012 at 11:55 am
Thank you for this rare piece of godly wisdom, Allison. I appreciate your distinction between being ready to forgive and the actual act of forgiveness, which requires repentance on their part. This is very helpful.
lindagrace on January 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Thankyou Allison for enlightening us on forgiveness.
I would like to share my experience on forgiving and forgetting.I also was hurt deeply by someone who didn’t ask for forgiveness,I felt as if my hurt was crushed. I turned to God for help because i was unable to forgive. From this experience i learnt that to forgive and forget even though the other person isn’t remoseful is by God’s sterngth. I also learnt that when you are able to talk with the offender with no stirred up emotions of bitterness , revenge or anger thats what true forgiveness is .