According to Dannah Gresh, casual hookups can lead to casualties. In an article for CNN titled Nothing Brief about a Hookup, the author presents a compelling scientific case for the bonding process that occurs between two people who have sex—a process of special chemicals being released during the encounter. She explains that “there’s nothing biologically brief about a hookup,” and that people can be emotionally scarred by sex outside of marriage.
Dannah argues from Scripture as well, pointing to 1 Corinthians 6. Paul states, “Don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, ‘The two are united into one.’ But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him” (1 Corinthians 6:16-17). The quote Paul has inserted, pulled from Genesis 2:24, is preceded by these words, “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife.”
From Genesis to Revelation we see God lovingly commanding His children to abstain from sex outside of marriage. Why? There are at least three reasons:
It denies and defies the sacredness and holiness of marriage—something that reflects Jesus’ intimate relationship with His bride the church (1 Corinthians 6:15; Ephesians 5:25,29-32). It creates a false bond that can end up causing emotional and relational pain (Genesis 2:24; 1 Corinthians 6:16). It reveals an impure heart that is not truly committed to God (1 Corinthians 6:9,13,18-20; Ephesians 5:3,8,10).
Dannah Gresh quotes Christian author Lauren Winner who writes, “Don’t you know that when you sleep with someone your body makes a promise whether you do or not?” Faith and science can sometimes appear to be in conflict. But when it comes to sexual immorality, there’s agreement. There’s nothing brief about a hookup.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Isaiah 53:1-12
More:
Read Song of Solomon 8:4-10 and note the importance of waiting for marriage to have sex.
Next:
How do casual hookups affect people long term? What are you doing to actively pursue purity and to honor God sexually?
bluefigtoast on May 23, 2012 at 12:19 am
Sex outside marriage also forms the basis of comparison. The marriage bed should be un-defiled,
Heb 13:4
Wayno
tom felten on May 23, 2012 at 8:34 am
Good insight, Wayno. By God’s grace, our sins can be forgiven and we become a new creation in Him. But the memories and experiences of our past don’t suddenly disappear. I like what Joshua Harris wrote in Boy Meets Girl, “Is it impossible to outrun the past? No. But when you know the forgiveness and grace of God, it is possible to face it without fear. For [my wife] and me, the past still comes knocking. But when it does, we don’t open the door on our own. We look to our crucified and risen Savior, and we ask Him to answer it for us.” Praise God for the reality of 1 John 1:9, Isaiah 1:18, Psalm 103:10-12.
ibukunoluwa12 on December 28, 2012 at 10:27 am
Thanks tom for sharing
mike wittmer on May 25, 2012 at 11:18 am
I was in the same class in college with Dannah, and I’m glad to see how God is using her to fight for purity. Great quote that “our body makes a promise whether we do or not.” Dannah and I heard our college president warn us multiple times, that “a lifetime of regret is a lot to mortgage for a moment of pleasure.”
daisymarygoldr on May 31, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Great post, Tom Felten! One of the chemicals is Oxytocin known as the cuddle chemical. The hormone also makes mothers bond with our babies when we nurse them. This is one reason why emotional bonding is more pronounced in women than in men. Also, the female reproductive system is more vulnerable to contract STDs than the male. So, young girls must be very careful to follow moral boundaries for our God-given sexuality.
People believe they can get away with sex without any emotional involvement. The consequences unfortunately, are too costly. Hookups, to enjoy sex just for self- gratification is not seen even among animals. It is appalling to see couples have casual flings without commitment. Think it looks romantic? When people go around sporting cold sores, it is no fun and there is nothing romantic about it.
According to CDC estimates, more than 65 million people in the country currently live with an incurable STI. More than one in five Americans is infected with genital herpes. And the stat that really freaks me out the most is: 75 percent of the reproductive-age population in the US has been exposed to the sexually transmitted HPV.
At work, we do a procedure called the ELISA assay. This is to demonstrate how STD is spread by contact and can be quickly detected in the patient’s sample by simple methods like the AIDS test. At the end of our experiment, I usually conclude with this question: “would you agree or disagree that when you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with everyone that they have previously had sex with.” The wise ones get the point and agree; but the foolish ones respond “not if you have safe sex”. Sadly, sex counselors and schools that promote use of contraceptives don’t tell us the whole truth that there is no such thing as safe sex.
Sexual intimacy within marriage is good but outside marriage is gross. It is akin to chewing on someone else’s used chewing gum. Forget about casual hookups, even if you have premarital sex with the person you are getting married to, you will never know the significant depths and delights of marital consummation—the way God purposed it to be.
A practical way to pursue purity is to first pursue a love-relationship with the Lord. Once we are aware that our bodies belong to God, we will hold back from illicit sex. Paul considers the two becoming one flesh—a mystery. And when two people break off their relationship after having sex, it is like ripping apart flesh. Promiscuous behavior results in physical, emotional and spiritual damage.
Sexual purity is a tall order in a permissive society. However, when you practise abstinence, believe me, there will be no regrets. It will not only keep you pure (i.e. singleness in body, mind heart and soul) for your future spouse. Most importantly, it will be the solid foundation to a strong, stable and healthy marriage that will bring much glory and honor to God.
tom felten on May 31, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Thanks for your insights, daisymarygoldr. I so appreciate your statement that a life of purity begins with a true love relationship with God!
ibukunoluwa12 on December 28, 2012 at 10:26 am
wonderful insight thanks for sharing ur thought.Sadly enough majority of us youths are missing this most important aspect of our lives of keeping the temple of God our body holy and undefiled according to the scriptures.My prayer is God will open the eyes of the youths of today to see the truth about sex and what it entails