Part of the joy of being a pastor is walking alongside of couples as they step into marriage. Few experiences touch the soul more than the wonder and joy (and fear) of embracing life with another person.

At the center of the wedding ceremony is the moment when each person turns to the other and states a vow— a promise of devotion and faithfulness. Some couples write original vows and some recite a traditional version, but each contains a promise. And the intent is that this promise will last, as the old phrase says, “Till death do us part.”

There’s an irony in these words. When Miska and I echoed this line in our wedding, we vowed fidelity to each other as long as we lived. The apostle Paul suggests, however, that staying faithful to our marriage commitment actually requires a kind of death. To love well (and long), husbands and wives must “submit to one another” (Ephesians 5:21). We each have to surrender our rights and our agenda. We have to die to ourselves so that we can fully give ourselves to each other.

This is precisely what Jesus has done. Jesus is the model for true love, whether in a marriage or a friendship. And what did He do? He died. Jesus laid down His life as an act of submission to God and as an act of sacrificial love for humans. As Paul says, Jesus “gave up His life” for the church (Ephesians 5:25).

Husbands and wives face challenges in learning to surrender. We like to be in control. We work hard to protect our self-interests. Jesus invites us to take another path. He instructs us to lay down our life and our demands. He tells us that to truly love requires death.

NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Mark 10:1-16