What seemed like an ordinary day in church soon became extraordinary. The minister merely asked one of his elders to lead in prayer. But the man stood and said, “I’m sorry, Pastor. I’ve been arguing with my wife all the way to church, and I am in no condition to pray.” Then he sat down.
After one of those l-o-o-o-n-n-g “brief” moments—the kind where you can hear crickets chirping—the minister awkwardly led the congregation in a prayer, and the worship service moved on. Afterward, the two exchanged apologies, and the pastor vowed never again to ask anyone to pray publicly without first asking him privately.
When I learned of this incident from my seminary professor, I found it refreshingly unreligious. That man demonstrated shocking honesty in a place typically known for pretense and formality.
That elder also understood a concept that the disciple Peter hints at: God is a protective and loving Father. If I’m not honoring my wife, why would her heavenly Father hear my prayers? I’ve offended Him as much as her. Perhaps that’s why Peter warns, “Treat [your wife] as you should so your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
“The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right,” Peter added, quoting from the Old Testament (Psalm 34:15-16), “and His ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns His face against those who do evil” (1 Peter 3:12). That truth extends not just to marriage relationships but to everything we do.
What will happen if we exchange the façade of religiosity for shocking, loving honesty with our brothers and sisters in Christ? What will happen if we honor each other more than ourselves? It’s the only way a watching world will know we’re truly different.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Esther 2:1-23
More:
What does Matthew 5:23-24 tell us about the importance of reconciliation before we may worship God properly?
Next:
How are you striving to be genuine in everything you do? In what ways are you being dishonest before God and others?
eppistle on May 3, 2011 at 7:39 am
Our church communities need to be shockingly and refreshingly honest. That means that we need to not only be very transparent, but also be very loving and passionate about becoming more like Jesus. On one hand, there’s nothing refreshing about a church that has a righteous image, but is hiding sin under the veneer. But on the other hand if the community is only transparent, it’s about as refreshing as a Jerry Springer show. But wouldn’t it be refreshing if people could be honest with their struggles, knowing that people will love them just the way they are, but also as fellow strugglers help them become all that God intended them to be?
tim gustafson on May 3, 2011 at 7:49 am
Excellent point, eppistle! There is a danger of some people who have an unhealthy interest is hearing all the dirt.
My constant prayer with my own brothers in our faith-community is that we will be honest with each other in a way that says, “Hey, you and I are no different. We’re in this together, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, God will do great things through us!”
tom felten on May 3, 2011 at 11:59 am
Good and timely post, Tim. Just concluded a call with a friend who is being let go from leading the youth ministry for a local church. The reality? He’s much loved and appreciated by the bulk of the families in the church. But a few parents chose to go to the senior pastor and other leaders and complain that he wasn’t doing what they would like. This resulted in his dismissal!? Um, what about the Matthew 18:15-19 principle of going directly to the offending brother? Sad. We desperately need to begin talking to those in the body of Christ who have offended us—not talking around them. This only leads to sin and heartache.
daisymarygoldr on May 3, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Honesty is vital to the healthy spiritual growth of the Church. Personally, by Gods’ grace my life in Christ is an open book for others to read. If people are able to see right through me, then there will not be anything shocking. When we live such transparent lives, then our honesty will not be shocking but—edifying.
Mere honesty to hang out our dirty laundry for everyone to see is not enough. Leaders, who are looked up to—whether they are parents, pastors, teachers or deacons, should not put others in an embarrassingly painful position. Not only is it offensive to believers, it also dishonors Christ among unbelievers. This further provides fodder for—gossip, temptation for others to sin openly and not feel sorry or ashamed about it.
To hear others being honest certainly makes us feel comfortable to be honest. But then the church is not a place to get rid of a guilt complex—to feel good once we get it off our chest. It will not foster any building up and growth. Therefore, there is a right way and place for loving honesty. It should be done discretely either within small groups or privately among believers. Even in our vulnerability, we enjoy trust when all in the group are at the same maturity level. We can openly talk and pray to help and be accountable to one another. My husband and I enjoy such an environment in our weekly couple’s Bible study.
And if done from the pulpit, our real-life testimonies should not leave others shell-shocked but should serve to instruct and inspire the growth of other Christians. It has to be followed up with sorrowful works of repentance/reconciliation/restitution and evidenced by a life that is supernaturally changed for the better.
For ex. after the apologies in your story, others must have been able to see a marked difference in that elder and his wife. Differences, in terms of less and less to literally no arguing—at least on the way to church. Now that to me is really refreshing. This is the only way a watching world will know we’re truly different.
mike wittmer on May 4, 2011 at 7:31 am
Thanks for this warning, Tim. I think that the temptation for hypocrisy is especially acute for those of us who have been Christians for some time–for now we have a vested interest in keeping up the facade, should the reality of our walk with Christ wane. The more we identify with Jesus, the greater will be our temptation to fake it. You have issued a welcome wake up call.
Garcia on May 4, 2011 at 10:32 am
Thank you for this timely message. Since this morning Im looking for an answer. To all please give me some advice on how to deal with this. Leaders sometimes dont know that they offended their members. We have our caregroup meeting at rotating homes. But this month I notice that the caregroup meeting is always in the house of one of the member.Now I am offended and have question in my mind why they dont schedule the caregroup in our place as what they do before. My leader will call me and ask me to do the praise and worship or to contribute for the food. And will let her know that I cant do the praise and worship because of some reason. Because in my heart I am offended. But she really dont know the reason why I dont want to lead the praise and worship. And I agree with you daisymarygoldr leaders, should not put others in an embarrassingly painful position.And that is how I feel right now. Why? because I feel embarrass I have a brother in law a baby christian He might wonder why the caregroup meeting is not in our place. what He will think of me?My Husband until now has many question about Christian beliefs. So how He will grow If I am offended with this situation. How about the other members? this will lead to gossip? wondering the caregroup is in one place only. I feel so blessed when the caregroup held at our home. But now I feel so down and rejected. Their reason is because the people in that house join the caregroup whereas here at home me and my husband only.They know that Im the only Christian here at home and Im still in the process of encouraging my housemates, my husband, my brothers to walk with the same faith. Leader should understand that I still need their help thats why I want to have caregroup here at home. I was thinking of looking for another group.
daisymarygoldr on May 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Garcia, I understand your pain. One of the ways to maintain honesty in the church is through open communication. I am not any leader in the church. But at work I always insist that people should come and talk to me directly, if they have any issues. It is not possible for us to read the others’ mind. And direct discussion with the person who has offended our feelings can avoid further pain due to misunderstandings.
Of course trust is very important. If your leader has earned your trust and is not intimidating or threatening, then please go and talk to her truthfully—in love. Pray and ask God to give you the wisdom and right words to clearly convey your thoughts to her. Let her know of your desire to have the meeting at your home for the benefit of your family members. On your part patience and understanding will surely help the leader be fair with the rotating. May God heal your hurt feelings so that you and your loved ones are encouraged to love and serve Him more. I will be praying for the caregroup to be scheduled at your home someday soon…