You’re being mean!” “Nobody loves me.” As a mom, I’ve heard these words often. Though my children are night and day in personality, they share a common dislike for discipline. After having dealt with numerous “time outs,” I’ve learned that parenting is all about the long-haul (Galatians 6:9). This is a difficult concept to embrace in a drive-thru, self-serve culture.
Central to God’s heart is His selfless consistency. Forever faithful and unchanging, His love stands as a bulwark in the storms of life (Jeremiah 31:3; 1 John 4:9-11). Like the foundation of a structure, in His love boundaries provide great strength. Society wrongfully portrays love as unrestrained permissiveness. Boundaries do not confine; they protect, give life, and demonstrate love (Proverbs 19:18). Because He wants to tell us “yes” to so much, He must sometimes tell us “no.”
God intended for the love of a parent to be a reflection of His love toward us. To raise our children without discipline is to portray a false understanding of the heart of God (Deuteronomy 8:5). A parent must see past the conflict of the moment to the path of truth and righteousness (what is right according to the Word).
Parents face the temptation to avoid or to be inconsistent in discipline. The story of Eli and his sons in 1 Samuel 2 reveals the root of giving in to such temptations: self. Eli profited by not dealing with his sons. Though he chastised them for their behavior, he grew fat from their sin (1 Samuel 2:29). Talk is cheap when not followed by action (vv.22-25). Parents serve self when they refuse to discipline their children because they’re too busy, want to avoid confrontation, or care more about being their “friend.”
The greatest demonstration of love is a willingness to die to self for the sake of another.
More:
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If any of you wants to be My follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24).
Next:
If Jesus were to stand in front of you and say, “Follow Me,” what would you say? What do you need to surrender to Him today?
KarenSM on May 19, 2009 at 2:48 am
Thank you for this passage today.
I know when I look at my two, I raise my hands in praise to My Father who showed me how to be mother to the charges He left in my care.
Father told us clearly, when He gives us a job to do He gives us the tools and He is always with us to help and guide us.
The tool is His Word. If anyone wants to be the best parent they can be, pray to the ultimate father, The Father!
regina franklin on May 23, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Well said, Karen! I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been out of ideas, but in that place of not knowing what to do next, God has put His counsel in place. Parenting has taught me so much about the faithfulness of God–His relentless pursuit of our becoming children raised up in His image and His unconditional, resounding love!
Most of all–parenting has taught me so much about patience (or my lack thereof)! Have a blessed day.
tom felten on May 19, 2009 at 9:39 am
Regina, well said! One line in particular is both convicting and comforting, “God intended for the love of a parent to be a reflection of His love toward us.” If left to our own devices, it would be impossible to love in this way. But, by God’s grace and strength, we can love out kids in a way that reflects the beauty of our Father’s love for us!
regina franklin on May 23, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Tom–I’m always so thankful for the encouragement from a veteran parent. As one who has often set the expectations too high for myself, I’ve had to learn that accepting my failures is to admit God is the only source that can enable me to love my children with a truly pure heart.
I have come to the realization that my children will leave my home someday, and there will be areas where they will see my failings. I want to give them the room to feel and process through these things without taking it on as a personal failure. Instead, I have set as the focus of my heart that my children will be able to leave home saying that while I was not perfect as a mother, they could see within me a desire to know the Lord in His fullness. I want them to be able to say that whenever the Lord showed me something about myself, I embraced His counsel no matter the cost.
jamiesreid on May 19, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Regina, thank you for this timely post. As a mother of a 9 yo and 3 yo I can deeply relate to the daily struggle to be consistent and to provide true love. The cheap counterfeit of permissiveness is an easy trap as you pointed out. I am reflecting on this all the more. Below is some guidance from Watchman Nee on Parenthood from the book Spiritual Exercise that I found thought provoking. I hope others will enjoy it too:
1. You Should Sanctify Yourself
2. Develop a Sense of Stewardship Over Your Children
3. Do Not Have a Double Standard
4. Use Authority With Restraint
5. Show Appreciation To The Children
6. Channel Children’s Ambition
7. Do Not Encourage Children’s Pride
8. Teach Children How To Choose
9. Have Family Worship on The Children’s Level
10. Lead the Children to Repentance
11. Use the Rod When Necessary
12. Chasten Justly
13. Show the Children Their Fault
Ephesians 6:4
regina franklin on May 23, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Jamie–what a great list. The Lord keeps teaching me how so much of my parenting skills comes back to my willingness to let Him work in (and on) me. Thanks for sharing!