Q: How can I forgive my brother who has deeply hurt me and my family but is unrepentant? —Lynn
A: Living with an unrepentant family member requires love and strength of character.
We should always discipline ourselves to not seek vengeance, regardless of what the person has done to us. Allowing our hearts to be filled with rage, hatred, and longing for revenge does nothing but harm others.
On the other hand, we shouldn’t ignore accountability for sin. If a family member has done a great harm, we shouldn’t make it easier for him to avoid acknowledging and confessing his sin by releasing him from responsibility before he has even begun to acknowledge he has done something wrong (Matthew 18:15-20).
I trust these principles will prove helpful as you pray and seek God’s wisdom for how to best respond to your brother’s behavior. —Dan VanderLugt
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alli on October 16, 2013 at 3:01 pm
Thnks i think this is important esp accountability for sin. Tho i would hope to lean on the side of mercy. Still there is a day of reckoning for sin when we realize this if we are the sinner awareness should accompany this, and for the offender a sense of relief that one day all wrongs will be made right
mike wittmer on October 19, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Forgiveness is only possible with God’s help, and remembering that we have been forgiven. We must be committed to forgiving the person in our heart, and then when we are ready, tell him that we stand ready to forgive should he own what he did and truly repent. I think it would be wrong to grant, or tell him that he is forgiven, until he takes responsibility for his sin. Otherwise you will be victimized again. In the meantime, work hard toward forgiving him in your heart, pray for him, and proactively show love. May God help you!
danny on November 22, 2013 at 8:54 am
God gives us the strength to forgive even when we don’t want to. But we must because as children of God, that is who we are. Forgive him even if he is unrepentant or acknowledge what he has done. Your part is to forgive and let God handle the rest. Pray for him, love him but most of all, let him see Christ in you. Don’t give up your joy, remain in Christ. He has given you all of the strength you need, lean on him. Because he loves you and sees your hurt and is waiting you to come to him and ask for him for whatever you need.