I’ve been going through something. Exactly what, I don’t fully understand right now. My faith that I once thought was so strong has seemed to dwindle away. Or maybe I didn’t have as much as I thought and this is a test to show me that I need more faith, to trust God more.
Sometimes I feel that God speaks to me, but He doesn’t seem to confirm it by other people. I’m at a crossroad as to whether I trust that this is His voice or just live by what other people say. God seems silent on this matter. There are so many ways to look at the situation, but in the end I feel it’s just God and I walking together and having this conversation. I keep saying to Him, “But God, my spouse is not confirming what I feel you are saying to me.” This is all very confusing.
As I read the Bible it seems that many times God did not confirm His voice until after the person stepped out in faith—doing what they felt God wanted them to do. This is so hard, because—like Gideon—I want confirmation. But I just hear silence. If I look at this from a personal integrity standpoint, I must do what I feel God is asking me to do. I made a commitment to a ministry and I backed out because I didn’t get encouragement from my spouse to continue in this commitment. It seems to keep coming up in my mind, so yesterday I made a choice to keep my commitment because I didn’t feel peace in not doing so. I don’t feel good about telling people I will do something and not keeping my word. So, on this basis, I came back to do what I felt I was called to do. I still don’t know if this really is God’s will, but I must keep my commitment.
I’m still unsure, but I can have peace knowing that I am doing what I feel is the right thing to do. I feel so alone in my decision, but maybe God has designed it this way. I will let you know what happens, if anything. I’ve learned that I do not have as much faith as I thought I did. I’ve been praying for God to increase my faith, for when God seems silent I feel so insecure. Maybe this is faith? —submitted by Esther Bautista, US
purestrength on July 9, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Recently our church had Vacation Bible School. I was feeling called by God to participate in this. I was up until 2am the night before it started looking up information about another program I do at church for the children. I said to the Lord before falling asleep that if He wanted me to go to VBS that He would have to wake me at 7 am.
Well He did and I got up and went to church. In all of this my husband was not supportive at all – he is a Christian also and attends our church 2X per week- also the woman from our church who was leading the program gave me the feeling I wasn’t wanted there. Despite these two people – I continued to be faithful in going everyday and I was blessed so much. The children that I know from public school that came were comforted to have me be there.
Yes sometimes we have to step out in faith even when people close to us are not approving of our choices. I pray that you find peace in your decisions.
daisymarygoldr on July 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Esther, thanks for the honesty in sharing about your insecurity. As a lay person, I have been there at that crossroad. In my case it is not a ministry but a call to serve God. I agree, it can be very confusing if there is no confirmation from others.
Before looking for confirmation, one thing I needed to affirm first is—what led me to the commitment. God’s call to serve is not about me, or to feed my ego or to gain some profit out of it. It is also not to please people. And that is what I remind myself whenever I get thoughts like what will people think? The motive of our commitment to ministry needs to be centered on God not on self or other people.
As you said, it is hard especially if there is no confirmation from our spouses. Sometimes, depending on their spiritual growth, spouses can be ignorant or indifferent to our calling and that is okay. God’s call often involves personal risks. And we must be willing to leave our comfort zones and step out in faith.
Nevertheless—we should also remember that our first ministry is at home. Ministry must not be done at the cost of neglecting our spouses (or children). Any ministry that keeps us from ministering to the needs of the family does not honor God. And when God calls us to do something He will certainly confirm it through others. If He is silent, then we need to be patient and prayerfully wait on the Lord for the right time. I will be praying for you…