Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions (Ecclesiastes 7:10).

Several of my Facebook friends have been posting photos about their yester-years. It triggers some nostalgic moments for me. Spurring such a mood is my current phase of unpacking my boxes containing all kinds of stuff that reminds me of the “good-old-days.” Like my friends who have meticulously scanned in their photos of days of old, I too have my share of photos from days gone by. The worn-out colours reveal the era where photography is still considered “primitive” compared to our modern ubiquitous digital technology. Back then, we bought film rolls that required us to have an understanding of ASA 100/200/400, or a 12/24/36 quantity of photos, or a brand preference like Kodak/FujiFilm/Agfa/Polaroid and so on. Compared to our modern digital gadgets, where point and shoot technologies have transformed the commoner into a pretty good photographic amateur, back in those days, one needed to know more about the camera.

Now it seems like the camera knows more about us, making “photo-taking-for-dummies” a common occurrence everywhere. I still have my good old SLR camera that relies on hard-to-find camera film roll and depends on troublesome photo development dark rooms. Compared to the almost immediate images we see on our digital camera screens, back then, we needed to wait until the last photo had been snapped before we could see our masterpiece or our mistakes. I can still remember one embarrassing mistake I made. Thinking I had 36 shots in my camera, I offered to take some group photos, urged my friends to pose in their prettiest or fabulous best, and clicked away. At the end of the day, I realized that I had no film inside my camera! The “good old days were not exactly good old days for my photos. Thankfully, modern cameras warn users about missing SD cards or memory sticks prior to snapping any digital pics.

Looking back, I’m thankful for the help friends have given me. Like David and Lyndon, who volunteered graciously to take our wedding photographs without payment, without fuss, and without any hint that they have been inconvenienced in any way. Such is the power of friendship. Friends give and give without asking anything in return. As a recipient of their grace, I am encouraged to live forward graciously.

A) THOSE NOSY QUESTIONS

I am also reminded of my younger years where there were certain questions that got me easily irritated. Let me mention three of them. First, it was, “Aren’t you going home?” I lived on campus during my undergraduate degree years. Since the University was rather remote, I spent most of my time on campus. I slept. I studied. I ate. I swam. I rested there. All day. All week. Many months. When the long holidays came after each semester, many friends would go home. They had their families and big houses. They had their exciting holiday travels. They had their nice, familiar connections to return to. Not me. My priority was to do some catch-up. After all, I wasn’t that good of a student to be able to understand most of the stuff my professors taught. Unlike some, I needed to put in extra hours simply to understand basic concepts. After a hectic study term, all I wanted was to sit back in the quietness of the campus and do catch-up work at a more manageable pace. Why, then, did people ask me to “go-home’” when I needed to do some more catch-up? I needed time to study, time to revise, and time to relax a little. I suppose what annoyed me then was the way the question seemed to place me in a tiny “everybody-is-doing-it-and-so-must-you” cubicle. Looking back, perhaps, I should have simply acknowledged the question as a conversation starter, instead of seeing it as meddling in my personal life.

The second question is perhaps even more irksome. “When are you getting a girlfriend?” Come on, if others are hitched, that didn’t mean that I had to go on crazy dates with girls I didn’t know! Moreover, the people who asked me the question were not my fairy-godmother who could grant me any damsel I wanted. Such a question applied pressure . . . unnecessarily. It distracted me from my main goal, which was to study. During those tough years, I didn’t have a lot of money. My parents were struggling financially, so much that my monthly subsistence of $300 was largely borrowed from relatives. Imagine trying to date with very little money available! Good grief. This question, “When are you getting a girlfriend?” popped up most annoyingly during family gathering times. For North Americans, these times are Thanksgiving or Christmas. For me, it was Chinese New Year. My wonderful uncles and aunts would almost always pepper me with questions like: “So when are you getting that lucky girl?” “You’re not getting any younger, you know?” “When are you getting married?”

Even my mother, to my dismay, sometimes joined in on the prying. Before my degree, I could easily divert that question by stressing that my priority was to graduate. After getting my bachelor degree, however, the question took on a whole new potency. I could have said, “Girls want guys with a stable career,” but excuses like that would not stop the questions from coming. Truth is, the longer I waited, the more such nosy questions would come. I suppose I felt insecure then. I havd a degree, but no job. I had many friends, but no special girlfriend. I had the questions, but not the answers. Ouch! That question hurt.

The third question came fast and furious after marriage. “When are you two going to have kids?” Following close behind was, “When are you going to have #2? #3? and so on” in quick succession. O brother! When will it all end, I ask myself. Why can’t people leave my personal life alone? The consolation is that the question is not to be carried by me alone. I have my wife to shoulder this burden. I have God to divert all the questions to.

Looking back, I should have simply accepted these questions as a recognition of my stage in life. The irritations I felt were but glimpses of my insecurity at that time in life.

B) WISDOM IN LOOKING BACK

One of my favourite quotes is from the Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkergaard: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

There are many things that we can’t understand in the present. Only having lived through it, and as we reflect, can we glimpse God’s hand at work in His mysterious way. I think about the time I was single. While carefree and independent on one hand, there was that nagging feel that I needed to have some emotional settling down, preferably with a nice, loving, Christian lady. I had no dates throughout my high school or college years. I remained a bachelor, living with bachelors, armed with a measly bachelors degree. Going through this period of singleness was tough. I remembered reading somewhere in a survey about the happiness index affecting the different sexes. The ranking listed 1 as being most happy, 4 the least:

1. Married Man

2. Married Woman

3. Unmarried Woman

4. Unmarried Man

At the time, from the looks of it, I seemed destined to be #4, most unhappy. I look back, however, and realize how God led me through the learning experiences, the opportunity to focus on the Word and to surrender myself to Him. It led me to pray: “Lord, if it is your will, let me go to the mission field, single or married, as you wish. Doing your will is the safest place for me.”

A funny thing happened when I yielded myself to God. I had peace. I had that assurance that things would be ok. It was no longer how I saw things, but it was how I viewed things from God’s point of view. I learned about being able to focus on God’s ministry, with a glimpse from the Apostle Paul’s perspective. Learning to let go, and let God lead continues to be a precious jewel I have learned. I also learned about prayer: “Prayer is not about me telling God, ‘My will be done.’ It is in confessing to God, ‘Thy will be done.'”

Prayer is not telling God what to do, but it’s letting God inform us about what we ought to be doing. We pray not to change God, but to change ourselves to learn to see from His point of view. We look to the past so as not to get stuck in the past. We remember the past, appreciate the lessons learned, and live forward.

In times of trouble, we often complain that life is tough. We compare our present situation negatively by propping up our past positively. Qoheleth tells us that it’s foolish to bring up the past and downplay our present. On the other hand, if we learn well from the past and cherish the present, we put ourselves in good stead toward living forward. Learn well. Live Bold. Think Constructive. Be Grateful. These form the essence of a thankful heart. Let the “good old days” spur you on toward a greater future. Live forward.

Thought: “All it takes is one bloom of hope to make a spiritual garden” (Terri Guillemets).  —submitted by Conrade Yap, Canada