When I originally met the little Ugandan boy who eventually became my son, my goal was simply to keep him alive. After he overcame malnutrition and recovered from a long list of diseases, however, my dreams for his life quickly became bigger.
For example, the first time my son—as a mere 5-year-old—petted a horse, I immediately visualized him becoming the first Ugandan to win an Olympic gold medal in equestrian sports. Since then, I’ve imagined my adopted child being everything from a professional athlete to a world leader. I want him to have the richest experiences, to achieve academic and professional success, to be deeply loved, to live a life of service, to be a devoted husband and father, and to walk with Jesus Christ all of his days.
After hearing of my lofty hopes and expectations for my son, my friend Kim gently reminded me that in terms of future career and all, I need to respect my son’s personal desires and goals even if they don’t line up with mine. And, more importantly, I need to encourage my son to seek God’s agenda for his life, rather than pressure him to fulfill mine (Proverbs 16:1).
Taking Kim’s exhortation to heart, I dug into Scripture to better understand how I can align my goals for my son with God’s. Following are a few insights I gained:
• Parents can make plans, but God will determine their children’s steps (Proverbs 16:9).
• The most foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest plan we could ever conjure up for our children (1 Corinthians 1:25).
• Children are God’s masterpieces—not ours, and they’re created for His purposes (Proverbs 1:4; Ephesians 2:10).
Let’s commit our children and their plans to God—knowing that He’s the only One who can help them truly succeed (Proverbs 16:3).
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Mark 1:1-13
More:
What does Deuteronomy 6:5-9 reveal about instructing children in God’s truth?
Next:
How do you need to change your view of planning in light of God’s wisdom? How will you help your children make plans that honor Him?
eppistle on June 15, 2011 at 6:04 am
Who is responsible for the future of our children? Is it God or us? As in so many other areas (our own salvation, our spiritual growth) there is the paradox of God’s sovereignty and our responsibility. If we relinquish our responsibility, we will be guilty of laziness. If we don’t relinquish the ultimate control to God, we will be guilty of parental idolatry which will lead to arrogance or discouragement.
So what is the relationship between God’s sovereignty and our responsibility? God initiates and we respond. Our responsibility is to be sensitive to His guidance and then surrender to that guidance. We need to be sensitive to how He wants us to pray for our children and then pray that way. We need to be sensitive to how He wants us to discipline them and then discipline that way. We need to be sensitive to how He wants us to express our love to them and then love that way.
roxanne robbins on June 15, 2011 at 7:14 am
Epistle – Thank you for your comments and the exhortation to be sensitive to God’s leading as we parent. Your reminder to express God’s love to our children is a good one!
mike wittmer on June 15, 2011 at 7:51 am
This is a timely reminder, Roxanne. My three children are very different, and I need to remember that this is okay, and even good. They won’t always like what I like, but as long as they love Jesus, I need to be fine with it!
tom felten on June 15, 2011 at 8:23 am
It’s great to realize that God has set a pattern for us. Just as He molds and transforms us through His unique loving actions—dealing with each of us in the specific ways we’re wired and gifted, so we can follow this example and strive to love the kids in our lives the same way!
winn collier on June 15, 2011 at 9:34 am
One of my prime prayers as a dad has become the desire for God to help me to truly see my boys – who they are, what is in their heart – and how to help them truly become. To think that God’s heart might be something like that for me…
Lamont on June 15, 2011 at 9:35 am
This is a very timely post for me. My daughter has very recently turned 14. When she was younger, I’ve tried to provide her with a foundation and understanding of Christ and our relationship to him.
Problem is she is not as open-hearted as she was when she was younger, when she enjoyed us praying together, loved Sunday worship and reading the Bible with me at night. I occassionally talk, not lecture, about God’s manifestation in my daily life.
It all seems to bore her now. I’m afraid she’s caught up in the world.
Sunday worship with me used to be a joy for her Now it’s a chore. I attend a Christ-focused church — traditiona,l evangelical.
Her mom attends a very liberal, secular church where many people think that the Bible is a collection of contrived stories and that Jesus was a just good guy.
Services are short and the minister is careful not to talk about sin, the Holy Spirit, satan, hell. He des not dare talk about the “Good News.”He woud offend the congregation if he did.
This is New England. It’s a secular group of nice, genial people who meet every Sunday for 45 minutes in a building called a church. There are no absolutes right, no wrong. Be good and do good and you’re saved. Live and let live. The book “Chicken Soup for the Soul” was a part of the Sunday School curriculum for teens — not the Bible. It could just as well be the YMCA for all that they accomplish.
Her mom and i alternate Sundays. When she was younger, my daughter looked askance at this. Now she loves it because there is no committment or in her words, “they’re not too serious about it and it’s fun.”
This has drawn her away from the foundation I was trying to help her build.
She’s a teenager so I expect some rebellion. Like most teens she is caught up in pop culture. And it’s okay because she is now drawn to a church that says’ it’s okay.
I went through a period where I fretted about her future. Will she build a personal relationship with Christ? Will she care?
I talked to another strong Christian about this. He pointed out Bible scripture that settled me. My daughter belongs to God. It is my job to raise her and love her as best I can and keep her close to my hearts. Then I got to let go on a certain level and trust Him because she is His child.
Paul t on June 15, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Thanks to Lamont for sharing… I too started taking my kids to church at a young age after their mother and I divorced, Time spent reading thru the bible, praying, and then as you said, life happens, and as teenagers it seemed to fade away. Although I wished,and prayed for them to walk closer with the Lord, it wasn’t until I got closer to Him, and they got thru those turbulent times, that the Lord helped straighten the path they were on. Far from perfect, as is their father, those prayers get answered by He who is
Lamont on June 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Thanks Paul,
I talked to my mom about this. There were five of us, all raised in the Church — youth chior, Sunday School, plays — the whole bit.
The I ent off to college and rejected everythig. I was angry with God, angry with the hypocrisy, angry that life wasn’t going the way I wanted.
I got to the point where I wanted answers.
Then one day, I realized that the answer for me was always there in front of my face. That was five or six years ago. I gradually turned back to Christ. It was almost like the prodigal jorney.
In any event, my mom says that in all those years she never stopped praying that I’d come back to Him. I did cause her a good amount of sadness the way I turned away. I was angry, prideful and arrogant. But she turned it over to God and kept praying. Now, here I am.
So yes, I do think that the prayers get answered. I liken my daughter to a sheep. She will likely stray but the Good Shepherd will bring her back to the fold. I surrender this to Him.