A group of children were asked, “How can a wife submit to her husband?” An 8-year-old named Mary said, “My mom could mow the yard, feed the dogs, work in the garden, and help us with our homework instead of making my dad do it. She could also make food for special occasions, go grocery shopping, take us to doctors’ appointments, pick out our clothes every morning, and fix our breakfast, lunch, and supper.”
Mary’s definition of submission makes for marital chaos and a perpetuation of misinformation regarding submission. So, what did Paul have in mind when he penned those well- known words at the end of Colossians 3?
The command for wives to submit to their husbands was actually one of the evidences of the Colossians putting on the new self. So when Paul gave this command for wives to submit to their husbands (Colossians 3:18), he was not saying that wives were inferior, that husbands could force submission, that all women must submit to all men, that wives aren’t intelligent and don’t have good ideas, or that wives should follow their husbands into sin.
The word submit meant to “line up under.” Paul was saying that each wife, in recognition of God’s orderly arrangement established at the creation of the first human beings (Genesis 2:7,18,21-23), should line up under the headship of her husband. This brings honor to Jesus and clearly reflects His rule in her life.
As followers of Jesus, we shouldn’t react negatively to the word submission based on bad experiences and misuse. Instead, reflect on its true biblical meaning. Husbands and wives ought to confer on decisions and situations they face and strive for unity in their decisions—all with the husband lovingly bearing the final weight of responsibility (Colossians 3:18-19).
That’s God’s orderly arrangement.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: 2 Kings 11:1-21
More:
Read Ephesians 5:25-29 to gain a greater understanding into the husband’s responsibility to his wife.
Next:
In what ways have you seen the word submit misused in the past? How does the husband’s role of loving his wife make submission easier in a marriage?
lindagma on April 26, 2011 at 6:39 am
The way I see it…submission is a woman having complete trust in her husband to make decisions that will protect her. That she can completely relax in the knowledge that he has her best interest at heart…will stand up for her…will nurture her…and love her. Just like Jesus. Then, submission is so easy, it comes natural.
marvin williams on April 26, 2011 at 8:55 am
Linda, you are spot on with your comments. We have to do our part as husbands, creating safe places that reassure our wives that we love them unconditionally. Thanks for adding your voice to this conversation.
tony.septimo on April 27, 2011 at 1:03 am
what if the husband is not mature enough to make firm decisions?
tom felten on April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am
Good question, tony. Maturity—emotional, relational, spiritual—is vital in a husband that truly wants to bless his wife and honor God with His decisions. If he is living in a a dishonoring way and leading his wife in poor and sinful decisions, she must obey God first and not follow his faulty leadership. If a man truly wants to learn to walk with God and lead his family well, then I would recommend he find a godly man who will mentor him. Someone who will show him what it means to live out Ephesians 5:25-29. Is this helpful?
eppistle on April 26, 2011 at 8:37 am
Before the Apostle Paul tells wives and husbands how they should relate to each other (Ephesians 6:22-33), he sets down the principle that each person should submit to the other person (Ephesians 6:21). There are two extremes to avoid. On one hand, some people say that there is no difference in the roles of husbands and wives. On the other hand, others think that husbands don’t need to submit to their wives at all. In actuality, husbands and wives should submit to each other, but in different ways. The husband submits by protecting, providing and purifying his wife as Jesus protects, provides and purifies the church. And the wife submits to the husbands leadership as the church should submit to Jesus. Some husbands want to force their wives to submit. But the Bible never tells husbands to force their wives to submit. Instead, if the husband sacrificially loves his wife, most of the time the wife usually will respond by submitting to his loving leadership (particularly if she is a genuine Christian).
marvin williams on April 26, 2011 at 9:01 am
eppistle, thanks for your words here. They have added value to this conversation. Though I had read it and preached many times, several years ago I sensed that I wasn’t living sacrificially for my wife. When my wife went back to work full time and I had to flex and sacrifice my schedule for her and our family, that’s when God showed me what I should have been doing all along. I am still learning how to be that kind of husband who submits through sacrifice. Again, thanks for adding your voice.