If there’s one law that pervades the world, it’s the law of reciprocity. Simply put, reciprocity is the notion of mutual exchange or fair return. It’s the basis of many social interactions:
• Business: where a fair exchange of goods and services is made between parties.
• Politics: where one country helps another to maintain positive relations, alliances, or other benefits.
• Justice: where people get what they deserve, either in punishment or restitution.
Reciprocity is taught in the Bible (Matthew 7:12). Society couldn’t function without it. It is, however, limited.
For instance, what happens when there’s no mutual benefit? What happens when a friend can’t reciprocate our care or a poor country has nothing to offer a superpower? What do we do with those who can give little back to society—the poor, the intellectually disabled, the mentally ill? Sometimes we can’t repay debts or contribute our fair share, and so the Bible says reciprocity must be tempered by mercy (Matthew 5:7; James 2:13).
But the Christian faith goes a step further. Beyond reciprocity or mercy, it teaches agape. This is the Greek word used to describe undeserved, sacrificial, no-strings-attached, self-giving love. God’s very nature is agape love (1 John 4:8). He gives good things to the deserving and the undeserving (Matthew 5:44-45). We’re to give without expecting a return (Luke 6:32-36). Jesus described real love as laying down one’s life for others (John 15:12-13), and what can we gain after doing that? Jesus lived out His teaching. He died a cruel death at humanity’s hands, loving even His persecutors to the end (Luke 23:34). His love went beyond any reciprocity (Romans 5:7-8).
Reciprocity has its place. But I need agape. With God’s strength, I want to give it too. Beyond business deals and mutual friendship, I want to give without requiring anything in return.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Matthew 9:27-38
More:
Read Matthew 5:38-42 to see how Jesus redefined the law of reciprocity.
Next:
How else can you see the law of reciprocity at work in the world and in your life? How does Jesus’ example motivate us to love others selflessly?
mike on July 13, 2012 at 5:57 am
Learning to give i believe is key to demonstrating Gods agape love. Especially when we are doing it for those who have no means of repaying.
God has gifted us and i want to live on His earth using my time, my talents, and my treasures reflecting His love to others.
Thank you for these encourging words.
sheridan voysey on July 13, 2012 at 8:30 am
And thank you for yours, Mike. I love the generosity in your words above.
mike wittmer on July 14, 2012 at 3:23 pm
This is a strong challenge, Sheridan. The key for me is the end, where you say “I need agape.” I can’t generate agape on my own, but can only pass along what I have received from God. I am the channel but not the source of love. Thank you for your good word!
sheridan voysey on July 17, 2012 at 3:22 am
Great point, Mike. Romans 5:5 – ‘God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit’. We need His transcendent source of love!
Lucy J on July 14, 2012 at 9:57 pm
Thanks, Sheridan, I appreciate very much what you posted. It really set me on a journey in thought… I’ll endeavour to explain where my “brain train” went…
You touched on a couple of salient points e.g. relationships and the ability to give without expecting return. In my experience of city life in Westernised society, people (a lot of the time, un or sub-consciously) choose what level of relationship to have when they encounter another person and modify their behaviour toward “the other” accordingly; e.g. if one meets a “street person” of a particular ethnic background, in many cases, in a matter of split seconds, brain/mind processes would categorise “the other” as being “unrelated”, as being of a social class “beneath”, as being of a genetic line “removed”, as being of a fashion class “uncouth” etc and therefore a simple polite reciprocal greeting (maybe not even verbal, but simply a smile) is deemed inappropriate, so “the other” is ignored and so both “encounter-ees” are denied dignified and meaningful interaction because of all the subconscious judgements that occur in such a short time. Extrapolate this kind of situation to the many interactions a person would have in a life-day, and one can imagine the wide range of interactions from “stranger” to “loved one” in which we all participate.
One of my favourite quotes from Mother Teresa is: “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”
I have noticed that there is a growing lack of simple respectful salutation in the interactions between people. I have also noticed that when conversations begin with “Hello, how are you?” reciprocated with something along the lines of “Fine, thanks for asking, how are you?”, the parameters are set for a mutually relational, more likely to be beneficial exchange.
Economy is not just about money… it’s also about exchange of respect. Interestingly enough, we can spend time, but we can’t buy love 😉 Conversations have potential to be merely be an exchange of superficial pleasantries. However, if based on a genuine respect and a “giving without expectation of receiving”, sourced in agape (through the work of the Spirit transforming our lives at a very deep motivational level) VERY different outcomes, more genuinely friendly and love-orientated outcomes, are indeed possible!
In a domestic environment, I’ve noticed family relationships improve a lot when the “pleases” and the “thank you’s” and other courteous exchanges abound. It gives a context through which the inevitable rivalries and difficulties may be processed. I suggest it’s quite similar with community relationships (local/national/international). But it must be GENUINE respect and consideration, sourced in the only source that creates life – the agape love of God.
It’s more about the motivation or the source of why we do things. If reciprocity is based on selfishness (insert here any of the “deadly sins”) or retaliation, relationships become painful, death-orientated experiences. If reciprocity is sourced in agape, then they will become mutually enjoyable, life-giving experiences
However, we are all in the process and on the journey, so to speak. As Jesus-followers on the way to being Jesus-obeyers, we can plant the seeds for better relationships as we go along… and maybe, sometimes water seeds previously planted in a genuine spirit of mutually respectful reciprocity, and sometimes even reap for a better world (Kingdom come).
I imagine and propose that if our reciprocity (from intimately personal in relationships with loved ones through to international economic/political interactions) is based on agape, the more Kingdom-of-God-like (peace-full/shalom-ic?) world we will have.
Therefore, I reckon, we need a reciprocity sourced in agape. Meanwhile, let’s, prayerfully, at least spend a smile on someone we wouldn’t normally consider we are in any way related to…
sheridan voysey on July 17, 2012 at 3:30 am
Thanks for taking us on a little ‘journey of thought’ yourself, Lucy!
You’ve made some good observations here. Reciprocity itself isn’t wrong – we need some degree of it, even in social interactions, as you’ve pointed out. It really does come down to the motivation of that returned greeting (to use one of your examples). I think agape would go beyond replying to the person because they said hello to us to saying hello whether they did so or not. That’s why I like that last paragraph of yours – our reciprocal actions need to based in love and a smile needs to be given when there’s no reciprocal response too!
sheridan voysey on July 13, 2012 at 8:29 am
Some great thoughts, Angela. Agape is relational to the core, so team work is essential to sharing it between and beyond the group.
Which country are you from?