Yesterday, someone wrote and asked me to help with a large event she’s overseeing. Time constraints made it easy for me to reply, “Sorry, but I’m unavailable.”
Later, as I thought about my response, I realized it wasn’t just my tight schedule holding me back; it was also my discomfort with the way she sometimes speaks of others. Hearing from her caused me to replay hurtful things she’s said over the years. More than merely saying “no,” a part of me wanted to revisit past wrongs.
Self-righteous motives can lead to foolish actions (Proverbs 12:15). It’s therefore wise to listen to godly advice (Proverbs 12:6,14)—something, thankfully, that I did. I contacted a friend and (without mentioning names) told her of my dilemma and the hurt I was holding on to. My friend replied, “It’s important for you to remember that your co-worker apologized and that you forgave her. Now, you need to live out this forgiveness. It doesn’t mean you need to help with the event, but it does mean you need to refrain from bringing up the past. Move forward by displaying kindness and grace instead.”
Whether through words or actual combat, Scripture exhorts us, “Don’t go to war without wise guidance; victory depends on having many advisers” (Proverbs 24:6). My wise friend kept me from contributing to conflict by improper use of words. She guided me to victory through good counsel.
“A wise man will hear and increase learning” (Proverbs 1:5 nkjv). This includes learning how to cultivate relationships and properly address conflicts with other believers in Jesus (Matthew 18:15-17). Rather than surrounding ourselves with people who advise us to engage in battles with others, let’s pursue those who will help us succeed relationally to God’s honor!
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Acts 28:1-14
More:
Read Proverbs 15:22 and think about who might be one of the “many advisers” to give you godly advice today.
Next:
How has God equipped others to help you make wise decisions? What’s the difference between healthy conflict and unhealthy relationship wars?
godlove on November 18, 2016 at 3:57 am
Thank you Roxanne, I think your post today falls pretty well in line with Tim’s yesterday, in that God didn’t put us on this journey to travel alone, we are meant to support each other as we go along. I always thank God for the few wonderful God-fearing friends He put in my life, from whom I usually get sound godly advice when I need it, and hopefully I have equally been a good adviser to them as well. It has always been very important for me to have that external eye, less emotionally involved than me, and therefore less biased in their opinion since they are not personally concerned. I’m also grateful that mine are peace-loving friends who would encourage dissipating conflict and not the type to push one into unnecessary battles. As I type this, I’m thinking maybe I haven’t valued their importance in my life enough and I should really be appreciating them a lot more. Thanks again Roxanne, and blessed weekend to you and to everyone on here.
Gary Shultz on November 18, 2016 at 6:01 am
Hi Roxanne, I have to roll with Godlove too, many times post build on each other and it is such a blessing. You bring some good stuff to this post and I like the interaction with your friend. She knew you well and had past experience with your past and the other person. When those folks speak with godly wisdom, as she did, a patient ear and an open mind are roads to redemption. I think we should examine carefully what is being said; however, it was obvious your friend spoke with healing and truth. It also put you in a place that required action, response, and a fresh overview of the whole situation. That was great resolution! Often that fresh view into life’s perplexing mud holes gives us freedom to move on with, and be lifted to higher ground. I think we can also find those answers with the help of another friend, the Holy Spirit Himself. Often conviction comes as the word and prayer are poured over a road blockage and God gives us fresh insight. As it was said some time ago, two heads are better than one, even if they are cabbage. Thanks Roxanne
hsnpoor on November 18, 2016 at 8:26 pm
Cabbage heads! Good one, BWO!
gagirllive on November 18, 2016 at 7:09 am
So true, Roxanne. Sometimes we just need to hear from someone else’s mouth what we already know deep in our hearts. In your case, your friend reminded you that you had already forgiven the other person and that you should put to death those resurrected resentments that want to keep you from walking in love and forgiveness. I think you already knew that, but hearing the truth from a godly friend gave you the motivation to go forward in the right direction. Thank God for people He’s placed in our lives that point us toward peace and reconciliation! I know I’m grateful to have such friends…and I’m mindful to be such a friend. We need each other. Life is war, and we have internal and external enemies coming against us everyday. Thankfully, we do get to choose some battles as we discriminate between the healthy and the unhealthy. Taking the high road in relational conflict may not always lead us to a war-free zone, but it will ensure fewer casualties as we attempt to live at peace with each other (as much as lies within us). Glad you put on your spiritual armor for that one, Roxanne. It’s our OOTD (Outfit Of The Day)… EVERYDAY. 🙂 Thanks for this helpful devo. Have a weekend full of grace and peace, everyone.
sim jing ying on November 18, 2016 at 9:41 am
We need to others to see all our actions and help us make wise decisions. The difference is that healthy conflict changes you to be a better person whereas unhealthy conflicts challenges you to be a bad person.
youssef1777 on November 18, 2016 at 10:39 am
ALWAYS USE WISDOM WHEN YOU FACE PROBLEM . THAT SAFE YOU FROM DOING THE WRONG ACTION. PRAY TO GOD TO HELP YOU DO THE RIGHT THING . THIS PREVENT YOU FROM DO BAD DECISION .
minkjh on November 18, 2016 at 11:07 am
“Now you need to live out your forgiveness”. Those are some real pearls of advice from an honorable friend, which at times may be difficult to follow. Other voices may sing a totally different tune. During the War Between the States, Abraham Lincoln would vent his frustrations on paper in stinging criticism of a Union general’s battlefield performance. After writing the letter, he would lay it aside until next morning, read it again, mark it ‘unsigned and unsent’ and file it away. What prompted that response is best found in his approach to scripture- “I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man. All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to us through this book’. In like manner Jesus closes his parable of the Unforgiving Servant with a stern warning for us to forgive from the heart. Spiritual discernment gleaned from trusted saints and a heart in tune with God’s Word is vital when encountering broken promises, unfulfilled expectations, and strained relationships with those around us.
hsnpoor on November 18, 2016 at 8:33 pm
OK friends, I have a bit of a delimma. Last night, I stopped at a gas station for gas. I was one of 6 cars getting or attempting to get gas. The pump I was using was not working properly and when I asked the attendant for help, he was rude and mocking. When I finished pumping the gas, the pump monitor said to get receipt from the attendant. The attendant however, had shut off all the lights (there were 6 cars in the station at the time) and was locking up the office door. I told him I needed my receipt and his response was the station was closed. I told him surely he was not going to leave people pumping gas in the dark and refuse to give me my receipt and he said that is exactly what he was going to do and he walked away. There were 800#’s posted for complaints and I wrote them down. Should I call to file a report?