I wet the bed until I was 12 years old. It’s hard to put into words the agony of those moments when I would wake up in the middle of the night and find my clothes and sheets were soaked. Ashamed, I would scurry about, trying to quietly change the sheets and my clothes—doing my best to hide the evidence. But it was found out each time, and I felt a deep sense of worthlessness, failure, and disapproval.
I tried using a lot of soap, water, and lotion to hide my struggle. Over and over, I prayed that God would give me a dry night. But many mornings I awakened with my prayers unanswered. I had a shameful secret, and I was afraid that it would be exposed for all to see.
Long before I fought to hide my shame, Adam and Eve did their best to hide theirs. From the beginning, shame wasn’t a natural emotion for human beings to experience: “The man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25). Adam and Eve enjoyed the beauty of a shameless state. But after they disobeyed God’s command, they experienced for the first time a bitter new emotion—shame. Unlike my battle, theirs was the result of disobeying a loving, holy God. Their sin caused them to exhibit shame-based behaviors: creating coverings, hiding, fearing, deflecting responsibility, and blaming one another (Genesis 3:7-12).
God was the only one who could cover their shame (Genesis 3:21). And He alone can cover ours (Revelation 3:16-18). When Jesus died on the cross and forgave our sins, in essence He shamed shame (Hebrews 12:1-2). We aren’t obligated to put it on ever again. Because of what Christ has done, we can exchange “beauty for ashes” and “praise instead of despair”! (Isaiah 61:3).
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: 1 Kings 6:1-38
More:
Read Psalm 51:10 and consider what David did with his shame.
Next:
In what area of your life has shame kept you in bondage? What part of your past do you need to surrender to Jesus, the only One who can free you from your shame?
Gary Shultz on April 15, 2016 at 6:20 am
Marvin, there are a few ODJs I just don’t mess with. I was tempted to let this one go, but it was too big. And I’m sorry, your story so captivated me I could not let it go. At any time in life to go back and confess those failures it makes a statement of the man you have become now. These things no longer hold you because Christ took their shame away. That’s still a big thing to confess, even if you were just a kid. Your story plays with my mind and emotion. The wet bed meant a whopp’n in our house, pain became a quick teacher. Many people today come out of real, real messy situations. We as Christians need to meet them with forgiveness and we need them to understand God will wipe away the shame. Many may have to live with what the past has brought, but no reason can be given, that on a going forward basis they cannot live toward their new life. Thanks Marvin, today will be different in thought, maybe even in deed.
gagirllive on April 15, 2016 at 8:31 am
Marvin, my heart goes out to you for what you experienced in childhood. That humiliation now serves to help you respond compassionately to others on many levels, I’m sure. I echo what Gary said–I was tempted to pass this one by without comment because it’s a tender spot for me. I grew up with a shame-based identity—not because of something I did but because of someone else’s sinful choices. I’m not home yet, but God is progressively healing me. What gets me is that, as in my case, there are a lot of people out there whose sin is not leading them to shame. In fact, our society today is pervasive with UNashamed sinners. I think Jeremiah 6:15 speaks to this directly. “Are they ashamed of their detestable conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to to blush.” We have become so desensitized to sin that we have forgotten how to blush. How sad. I’m sorry I’ve taken a different spin on what you are saying, but this is where I am. 🙂 Thank you, Marvin, for your insightful articles. And thank God for Jesus who trades our sorrows and shame for the joy of the Lord!!!
godlove on April 15, 2016 at 10:52 am
Amen, gagirllive. I could have been the one who wrote your comment. I identify most precisely with everything you have shared here. Thanks for bringing this up today Marvin. It’s comforting to know that although the shame of Adam and Eve was caused by their disobedience, yet God still covered their shame. Although I still feel ashamed about my present weaknesses and failures, I believe that Christ has shamed my shame. We who are in Christ can approach Him with the confidence that if we surrender our all to Him, He will cover our shame for us and wipe off our guilt.
sandy229 on April 15, 2016 at 10:45 am
My heart also goes out to you Marvin. That must have been really hard to go through that when you were a child. There is so much in my past I am ashamed of and I regret it every time I think about it, but I am so thankful to God for ridding me of my shame when I finally realized what I was doing and not doing. I should have known but at the time it didn’t seem to matter and when I think of everyone I hurt in the process, it hurts more but I know God has forgiven me and I realized what I was doing was wrong. I was so self absorbed, that was all that mattered to me. Everything I saw on TV made me think I owed it to myself to only think of myself and by doing that, I hurt others in the process for which I am deeply ashamed of. Today’s society is ten times worse. With all the selfies and things like that everyone is even more self absorbed. It’s like the days of Babylon. Nothing’s changed, just different people, different things to satisfy self with. I’m also trading my sorrows and shame for the joy of the Lord.
jim spillane on April 15, 2016 at 11:39 am
Marvin and our wonderful commenters use the word “shame” in their dialogue. To me, this is a word that often seems to be lacking in this world. To feel “shame,” you must have an active and convicting conscience. The guilt, disgrace, or regret that one feels is caused by one’s knowledge of the difference between right and wrong. But hearts (conscience) can become hardened and there are numerous scriptures that point this out. When we live only for ourselves and are constantly trying to please only ourselves, we can disregard our conscience and try to justify our actions. The more often we do this, the less effective our conscience becomes, and the longer this continues, the “harder” our hearts become, until we get to the point where conscience becomes powerless and useless. If it’s always all about you (pride), then “shame” has little or no effect on your situation or circumstances. Blessings to all who visit here at this forum.
sandy229 on April 15, 2016 at 12:35 pm
What you say is so true. I was so lost in myself, I’m surprised I ever made it out. If not for the Grace of God, I would have died in my sin, but thanks to God, he has given me new life and now I can be a testimony to others to let go of their shame and sorrow and trade it in for Jesus!! I have so much to be thankful for!!