Recently, I read about one woman’s struggle to stop gossiping. As the mother of a preschooler, Sandy confessed to dishing the dirt about other parents, and even spreading information about her son’s playmates. She knew it was wrong, so she tried to go “cold turkey.” When that didn’t work, she attempted to put a positive spin on other people’s business. Ultimately, she admitted that gossip’s grip would probably win out over time; she just couldn’t resist sharing one more juicy tidbit about a dad on the playground . . .
Gossip gets serious when we consider what it’s like to be the subject of someone’s harmful words. David wrote about this experience, stating, “My enemies say nothing but evil about me. . . . They gather gossip, and when they leave, they spread it everywhere” (Psalm 41:5-6). Like vultures, they circled his bed and slandered him when he was sick and weak (Psalm 41:7-8).
David realized what was happening and prayed, “Make me well again, so I can pay them back!” (Psalm 41:10). His anger stemmed from being deceived and lied about. His visitors pretended to be friendly, but later betrayed him by publicizing their worst imaginings about him (Psalm 41:6-7). It’s no wonder that Proverbs says, “A gossiping tongue causes anger” (Proverbs 25:23).
Gossip causes anger, and it also causes fear. After another encounter with gossip, David said to God, “I am constantly hounded by those who slander me. . . . But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in You” (Psalm 56:2-3). When stories spread, the one in trouble may fear: Who knows about it now? Who spilled my news in the first place?
Gossip requires an awareness of what’s going on in someone’s life. God is pleased when we use that information to fuel our prayer lives (Ephesians 1:15-16; Colossians 1:3-4), not the rumor mill.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Genesis 24:28-67
More:
Read Proverbs 16:28 to see why gossip can’t be downplayed as simply “talk between friends.” Read Proverbs 25:10 to see the relationship between gossip and integrity.
Next:
How does the golden rule relate to the issue of gossip? What should you do if your friends spread unflattering news about others?
tom felten on January 15, 2013 at 8:47 am
Thanks, Jennifer! Sometimes gossip is lifted up in the form of prayer requests presented to others! It’s far better, as you have said, to take those concerns to God in private prayer instead of mentioning them publicly.
jennifer benson schuldt on January 15, 2013 at 5:08 pm
Tom,
Thank you for this important insight! My mother’s mother, a very dedicated Christian, refused to attend prayer meetings at her church for the very reason you cited. Where’s the line between sharing a prayer request, and disclosing personal information about someone else that doesn’t need to be made public? I think a good test is, if you wouldn’t say it in front of the person you’re speaking of, it probably shouldn’t be shared with anyone else…
ronsministry on January 15, 2013 at 10:21 am
Thank you Jennifer. I always enjoy being spurred on to good works and to improvement with regard to the tongue. There are two people in my life that I struggle with when we talk on the phone – in there effort to ‘catch me up’ they inevitably gossip about our acquaintances from our school days. They don’t mean any harm but none the less ‘things’ I don’t really need to know are mentioned. I think that it is also important to note that it doesn’t matter if what is being ‘shared’ is true or not – if it is hurtful it is wrong to discuss amongst others. Finally I believe that Christian gossips can be among the least courageous of individuals because we find fault in others though our critical spirits but don’t have the courage to share our insight with the very individual we are criticizing who may simply need help via accountability as a buddy.
Thanks again!
jennifer benson schuldt on January 15, 2013 at 5:11 pm
Ronsministry,
I agree, it doesn’t matter if the “stuff” discussed between friends about others is true or not. When circulated long enough, stories often pick up elements that are untrue. That means that gossiping carries with it the risk of lying. Love protects, and bringing to light someone’s difficulty, failure, or misfortune—even if it’s just hearsay—doesn’t show a sense of Christian affection. Also, I think this issue can be especially difficult because listening to gossip is just as bad as spreading it.
dossk on January 15, 2013 at 7:28 pm
Dear Jennifer, Thanks for the post. People in my church do not want to send a prayer request, because it would be broadcast by the church members. I have seen this occurring more and more in Christian circles than anywhere else. May the Lord restrain us.
tom felten on January 16, 2013 at 9:09 am
Agreed, dossk. God desires that we confess our sins to one another, carry one another’s burdens, and love one another. But He doesn’t want us to carelessly scatter words about one another.
jennifer benson schuldt on January 16, 2013 at 8:18 pm
dossk,
What a difficult problem within a body of believers. The word “restrain” reminds me that avoiding gossip is related to self-control. James said, “If we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way” (3:2). We know that self-control is a fruit of walking with the Holy Spirit. May all of us experience the righteousness that comes from self-control and “taming the tongue”.
daisymarygoldr on January 16, 2013 at 4:01 pm
Who among us has not been the victim of vicious gossip? It does cause fear and anger. The root cause of gossip is idleness. If we are idle with our hands, then we get busy with our tongues. Don’t be the wood and the fire of gossip will stop (Proverbs 26:20)
jennifer benson schuldt on January 16, 2013 at 8:39 pm
The verse you mentioned brings up another point about gossip—it sparks and fuels dissention. As Christians, we’re called to be at peace with others as much as is possible (Romans 12:18). So the two seem incompatible as we strive to live lives that please God (1 Thessalonians 4:1).
Thank you also for pointing out the connection between idleness, and becoming overly interested in other people’s business (2 Thessalonians 3:11). Instead of remaining happily idle, we can serve God and help others in the process—and help ourselves too, to stay free of problems associated with idleness (Proverbs 19:15, 1 Timothy 5:13, 2 Thessalonians 3:6).