As a youth pastor’s wife, I have plenty of opportunities to practice conflict resolution skills with those in our ministry. Especially in working with the girls. Gossip, however, is not limited to the female gender or to young adults (as my husband and I discovered at a dinner party a few weeks back). Recently, though, I had an opportunity to work through a situation with two high school girls, and in doing so we all saw the vivid imprint of the enemy’s work in stirring up strife. One unproven statement of hearsay had created weeks of hurt feelings and strained relationships.
Gossip is never productive. Not when couched as being in jest (Proverbs 26:19), nor when masked as a prayer request (Proverbs 26:23-25). Not even when we believe we’re spreading truth. Whatever the reasons—a vindictive spirit, an insecure heart, or a loose tongue—gossip has no place in the life of a believer.
Destructive to far more than just the person being discussed, gossip has a way of infiltrating the deep inner places of our lives. Proverbs 26:22 says, “Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.” To the one speaking and listening, gossip becomes an addictive tool to gain influence with others, and in the hearts of both, its roots settle and shape not only our opinions of others but our ability to trust.
Like a boulder rolling backwards (Proverbs 26:27), the consequences of gossip are far-reaching as it destroys: trustworthiness (Proverbs 11:13), relationships (Proverbs 16:27-28), character (Proverbs 17:4), reputations (Proverbs 25:10).
Conflict is a given even in the body of Christ. But Scripture clearly delineates how to go about finding resolution (Matthew 5:23-25, 18:15-17; 1 Timothy 5:19). While gossip may bring momentary relief or enjoyment, the mature believer understands that the long-term consequences are disastrous.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: 1 Kings 18:16-46
More:
Read 2 Corinthians 12:20 to see what other destructive behaviors often accompany gossip.
Next:
How does our perception of the sin of gossip compare with God’s perspective? How do you respond when someone you’re talking to begins to gossip?
nivla on April 19, 2012 at 5:32 am
Thanks Regina for the great reminder.
Gossip may sound harmless, but its effect (in the background) on our relationships are detrimental. And correct, this is not to exclude us, Christians, for even within congregations, gossip proliferates.
We need to be always reminded by these.
Psalm 19:14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
– In this context I will add, think and TALK about such things.
Godbless everyone.
regina franklin on April 21, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Great scriptures Nivla–for some reason, we so easily forget that God hears what we say about others and that what we say about others affects our relationship with Him.
lindafrances on April 19, 2012 at 8:57 am
In this political season, the gossip is overwhelming. It becomes hard for a voter, looking for a person of character, trustworthiness and conservative principals, to sort out the truth. I’ve had to rely on religious leaders, who I trust, to separate truth from fiction; showing documentation to back up their findings. I found one conservative group who have taken the candidate at their word, rather than looking at their past actions. I pray asking God for wisdom and discernment.
It is really sad to witness the destruction of good people’s character for political purposes. Unfortunately, many people believe everything they hear; true or not. We are at a point in this country where decent people will not run for office and we will be left with those who have the money to destroy everyone else. God help us.
lukehferris on April 19, 2012 at 10:26 am
Before my first year of college, I didn’t have many struggles with gossip, but I quickly realized how it grabbed hold of my life. It impacted the way I treated and thought about others as well as my spiritual walk. What is the best way to combat gossip that tempts you?
nivla on April 19, 2012 at 11:44 am
There are moments that we are caught offguard. I believe it is in our nature to talk, to express ourselves, our opinions on things. Good thing we acknowledge gossip as one that is tempting to do, because non acceptance of it may eat us up alive. :).
Anyhow, one practical way to consider is the Golden Rule: One should not treat others in ways that one would not like to be treated…. We all dont wanna be everybody’s topic behind our backs. Also, when tempting situations come, ie: your gossip buddies are around. Just say ‘no”. :/.. Not sure to what extent can one be firm on this, but just the same, saying “no” would help.
nivla on April 19, 2012 at 11:57 am
PS: and in everything.. prayer, of course. I don’t think it is God who’s leading when we gossip.
We should surround ourselves more with GODLY friends. Pray for divine connections. We will learn eventually to stop doing a certain action when people/circumstances around us would not reinforce our actions (in this case, gossiping lips).
tom felten on April 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm
Good question, Luke. I love this verse: “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8). As we train our mind to focus on these things—instead of the ugliness found in gossip—we truly honor God and bless others!
regina franklin on April 21, 2012 at 7:02 pm
Dear lukehferris,
You’ve asked a key question. I think one of the main things to keep in mind is: what if the individual walked up right now and heard what I was saying. When we get involved in gossip–and we all struggle in this area–we make the assumption that the person we’re talking about won’t find out. I find I’m much more cautious about what I say and how I say it when I ask: would I say what I’m saying to the person I am talking about?
mike wittmer on April 19, 2012 at 3:33 pm
This is a great reminder, Regina. There are few things more destructive than gossip. It can ruin a church or workplace in hours–we are always on the edge of being taken down by it. And though most people probably don’t think they struggle with this sin, I think we all do it much more than we are willing to admit. You have encouraged me to think twice and again before speaking about another.
regina franklin on April 21, 2012 at 7:05 pm
Dear Mike–As relational beings, we naturally want to communicate with those around us, so you’re absolutely right when you say none of us are exempt. A lot of times, we are looking for someone to agree with us–especially if we are talking about someone we don’t like or don’t agree with. As we walk through some challenging places, I am really trying to learn what it means to be honest about the things I am experiencing without doing so at the expense of another person.
daisymarygoldr on April 20, 2012 at 1:36 am
You are absolutely right, Regina; gossip has a boomerang effect. What we spread against another will come back to hit us. Although men also tend to gossip, for some strange reason it is more a girl thing. This is why Paul instructs younger widows to remarry because they spend their time gossiping from house to house.
When we were young, we often used to play “Chinese whispers” in which a message was whispered into our ears and passed through a row. When the last person said the words aloud, amusingly it was totally different than what was spoken by the first person. In real life though the outcome of hearsay is not funny but does much harm and tears down the fabric of relationships.
Unfortunately the church is a breeding ground for gossip, causing believers to split into warring factions. Some do it with a malicious intent but most of the time we naively spill out things about others. Mature Christians tactfully steer the conversation to change the topic. This not only prevents the person from “sharing”. It also stops the rumor from spreading. If all of us do this, we can avoid strife and dissension that painfully divide the body of Christ.
tom felten on April 20, 2012 at 10:39 am
Great thoughts, daisymarygoldr. Yes, we can “tactfully” steer conversations away from things that are not edifying and may cause pain to others. If we’re speaking the truth in love, we will also choose at times not to speak (or repeat gossip) out of love!
winn collier on April 21, 2012 at 3:00 pm
When someone begins gossiping about another person, I find it helpful (and fun) to simply say, “Hey, that’s interesting. Let’s go talk to that person right now.”
regina franklin on April 21, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Dear Winn,
That’s a creative response! I wonder how many takers you get?