I grew up under the weight of a verbally abusive grandfather. To this day, years after his death, I still struggle with ramifications of things he said to me and how I responded.
During my teenage years, I took my grandfather’s endless criticism with a grain of salt and made every effort to respond to him in a gentle Christlike manner. But as he relentlessly aggravated me, and provoked me to anger (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21), my defenses wore down and I began to verbally strike back at him—demanding that he stop heaping guilt and shame on me.
What starts in the home often trickles into all of life. My emotional reactions that began as a way to defend myself against my grandfather soon became the way I responded to almost anyone who threatened or offended me.
Such habits are hard to break, and I’m certain I have a lifetime of work ahead of me in dealing with this issue. But I also have hope thanks to friends who have stood by me and have helped me to experience change and healing.
When the prophet Jeremiah complained to God about the way people were treating him and he asked God to do something about it, the Lord replied, “If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses?” (Jeremiah 12:5).
I’m learning that God permits us to bring our struggles and complaints about others to Him (Jeremiah 12:1; Psalm 86:1-7). He also wants us to know victory through Jesus Christ, not by retaliating with harsh words or actions.
God has a purpose for each of us, and He doesn’t want our work, ministry, and relationships impaired by the words and actions of “mere men.” Join me in asking for God’s help in responding appropriately to difficult people and situations.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: 1 Corinthians 15:42-58
More:
Read Proverbs 17:27 and consider its wisdom as you consider how to respond to difficult people.
Next:
How do you typically deal with verbal attacks from others? What type of responses will honor God and be best for the people who are lobbing the harsh words your way?
GChoo on November 26, 2011 at 9:32 am
Roxanne, thank you for your very honest sharing.
I couldn’t agree with you more. My childhood situation may not be the same as yours, but i had witnessed the rather harsh behaviour and action of my grandmother and aunt towards my younger brother which had an impact on the way i handled difficult situations in the past. As my parents were working then, they took care of us during the day. I didn’t understand why i was so short tempered and would lash out easily when i didn’t get my way with my own family members. It was only through my own counselling therapy required by the course i had done, that i realised our behaviour and personality are affected (positive and negative) by our childhood and past life experiences. God always has His way to direct our path when we truly want to seek Him. I have learned to be more aware of my feelings and actions since.
I believe by staying close to God’s Word daily and relying on His strength and wisdom had truly helped me to deal with difficult situations.
Yes Roxanne, my prayer to God that He will help us to response appropriately with difficult people and situations as we bring them to Him. Amen
winn collier on November 26, 2011 at 11:43 pm
thank you for freely sharing this. I pray or grace with words, the ones I give as well as the ones I receive.
regina franklin on November 27, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Dear Roxanne,
I needed to read this today. Sometimes it’s not a desire for vindication I struggle with but a desire to disengage (and move away) from those who have hurt me. Thank you for the reminder that my response will stem from my perspective. If I have made men bigger than God in my eyes, then so too will their opinions be.
karenh on November 29, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Dear Roxanne,
While I didn’t suffer verbal abuse from family
members, I did from an ex-husband. God’s
grace is more than enough to heal you. I
found that when I prayed and asked God to
heal my memories, He did. I put those memories
on the cross of Jesus and in time, I was totally
healed of the pain that had lingered for years.
May God bless you and heal your memories…
alli on January 21, 2012 at 4:24 pm
sometimes i lash out, after years and years of abusive words, i get to the point where i refuse to let the enemy trample on me, but in doing so i have to remember to be gentle and not harsh. It is here where i sin. thanks for this its so helpful.