The pot roast was still steaming in the pan as I arranged carrots, onions, and potatoes around its perimeter and then ladled broth over the whole creation. I nestled it into a basket along with some bread, fruit salad, and cookies for dessert. The meal was for a family in our church that was grieving a deeply painful loss. My heart was heavy as I loaded everything into my car. I rehearsed what I might say to the family members, but nothing seemed appropriate.
It’s difficult to know how to comfort hurting people. When Job’s children died and his wealth and health vanished, three of his friends tried to ease his sadness. To show their support, they “traveled from their homes to comfort and console him” (Job 2:11). Sometimes, just being present communicates care to heartbroken people.
The Bible also calls us to empathize with those in pain—to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Job’s friends approached him wailing loudly. “They tore their robes . . . to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights” (Job 2:12-13). They were willing to meet Job in the valley of his sorrow and become “likeminded” with him.
As they mourned together, no one said a word to Job because they saw that his suffering was “too great for words” (Job 2:13). Being silent reduces the chance that we’ll say the wrong thing—which Job’s buddies did later on. Their words were so upsetting that Job exclaimed, “Listen . . . to what I am saying. That’s one consolation you can give me” (Job 21:2). Listening to people lets them know we care.
If you know someone who is grieving, drop by for a visit, engage in their pain, and listen when they’re ready to talk. God can use you to bless those who mourn, so that they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4).
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Luke 24:13-43
More:
Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 to see how we can use our own experiences with suffering to comfort others. Read Isaiah 61:1-3 to see God’s heart for those who mourn.
Next:
What might prevent you from reaching out to hurting people? What are some ways you could communicate God’s love to a grieving friend?
dr.lightsey on September 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm
The “ministry of presence” (just being there) and silently praying is always a comfort to those who are grieving. We should not underestimate the visit by overestimating the vocals.
jennifer benson schuldt on September 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm
I’ve never heard the phrase “ministry of presence”, but I like it! During a difficult time in my life, there was a person who ministered that way to me. It meant a lot. Thank you for your comment.
daisymarygoldr on September 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Good post, Jennifer! I was 8 going on 9, on my visit to the house of mourning for the very first time. I will never forget sitting speechless as my friend’s family members mourned her sudden death.
The truth is, most of our well-meaning words is least helpful and only adds to the suffering of those who are grieving. And so, our presence is one of the best ways to show we care—to just be there for them, as dr. lightsey pointed out.
There is nothing assuring about our frail human presence that gives hope to the hurting. Our presence is a reminder of God’s presence—His love and care. It is not our human words but God the Holy Spirit who comforts the grieving with the peace that goes beyond all human understanding.
To simply sit in silence and listen, certainly comforts people in their grief. And sometimes in our grief we also need to listen. There are godly friends—whom we can trust to tell us what we need to hear when we need to hear it. When Joab told David to stop mourning, and go out to encourage his men (2 Samuel 19:7- 8), David listens.
If we don’t listen, then like Job, we can be so consumed by grief that it can lead to suicidal thoughts. Friends remind us of our hope in Christ and our responsibilities of a life that needs to be lived on. So, whether I am in grief or others are dealing with it, it is wise to always listen—to the words of the Holy Spirit who is our ultimate Comforter.
bobby7 on September 30, 2011 at 8:13 pm
wisely said daisymarygoldr
winn collier on October 3, 2011 at 8:45 pm
such a good, true word. Silence and presence has been a friend’s best gift to me on a few occasions.