Jacob conned his older twin brother and got his birthright (Genesis 25:29-33). Then he cheated Esau a second time when he tricked their father into giving him the blessings that belonged to Esau—the firstborn (Genesis 27:36). In anger, the older brother swore to kill Jacob (Genesis 27:41). So their mother advised Jacob to hide out at his uncle’s place (Genesis 27:43-45) for a period of time that stretched to 20 long years. Finally, after that lengthy stay, God wanted Jacob to return and reconcile with Esau (Genesis 31:3,13). In obedience, Jacob did two things:
• He initiated the reconciliation (Genesis 32:3). Esau was in Edom. To meet him there, Jacob deliberately had to travel hundreds of miles south of his hometown. It required significant effort to travel that great distance. It was inconvenient, time-consuming, and costly. But he ignored those valid excuses not to see his brother.
• He humbled himself (Genesis 32:4-5). He called his brother “my master Esau,” and labeled himself “[Esau’s] servant” (Genesis 32:4). According to the customs of his time, Jacob was now the head of the family (having stolen that position from Esau 2 decades earlier). But by honoring his older brother, Jacob acknowledged the natural birth order. He referred to Esau as the master, the lord of the family.
Jacob let his brother know why he came back. “I have sent these messengers to inform my lord of my coming, hoping that you will be friendly to me” (Genesis 32:5). He asked for reconciliation.
Is there someone with whom you need to reconcile? Someone from whom you need to ask for or receive forgiveness? Jacob showed us the three attitudes that should characterize your peace-making efforts—a willingness to reconcile, an attitude of genuine humility, and true sincerity.
You need to make the first move to initiate reconciliation. Then humbly and sincerely pursue true forgiveness.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Mark 10:35-52
More:
What do these passages—Matthew 5:9, 23-24; Romans 12:18, 14:19—say about how to pursue reconciliation?
Next:
How does reconciliation reflect God’s posture toward us? What will it mean for you to pursue peace and forgiveness in your relationships this week?
eppistle on August 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Thanks for the challenge to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation. Too many times people play the waiting game. They are willing to reconcile if the other person takes the initiative. But God wants you to take the initiative to restore that relationship whether you were the one who sinned against the other (Matthew 5:23-24) or you were the one sinned against (Matthew 18:15) or (as it usually is) it’s a combination of both. Don’t wait until you “feel like it”; be reconciled today so that you will honor God and so that you will be freedom from your prison of bitterness (Matthew 18:23-35).
tom felten on August 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Good thoughts, eppistle. We’re called to initiate reconciliation—to promote peace and the restoration of relationships. If the other person or people are not willing to reconcile, we can pray for them and leave them in God’s hands. This reminds me of what the Apostle Paul wrote, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).
daisymarygoldr on August 26, 2011 at 7:01 pm
This is a very difficult subject. It takes time to heal and be able to trust again… For Jacob it took 20 long years and for some of us this means having to wait until we cross over to the other side. Unlike forgiveness, reconciliation is conditional. Note aside to Tom Felten: the difficulty is not with blanket forgiveness but with blanket reconciliation.
God has set a perfect example for us to follow. He has offered forgiveness to all—but has reconciled to Himself only those who admit our sins and turn away from it. He does not force Himself on those who have made the choice not to be reconciled.
Similarly, when someone sins against me I readily forgive. And as the sinner, I need to make the first move to initiate reconciliation. However, if the offender refuses to admit they have hurt us, and there is no apology, we need to be at peace by accepting their choice in not wanting to be reconciled.
Although the heart desires to pursue peace and reconciliation, it is not always possible for all relationships to be restored here on earth. In abusive situations, to barricade behind healthy boundaries works best for the well-being of both the victim and the hurtful person.
It is sad… but as believers we grieve with hope—that one day along with all of creation our broken relationships will also be restored and we will be reconciled with one another to live happily ever after…
tom felten on August 27, 2011 at 11:18 am
Thanks as always, daisymarygoldr, for your biblical insights. I agree that there cannot be “blanket reconciliation” or “blanket forgivenss,” that’s why I quoted from Paul that we must “do all that [we] can” to pursue reconciliation. If the other person is not willing—as you have noted, it will not take place.
Paul also wrote, “For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:19). In context, this verse and the surrounding verses call all believers in Jesus to be about the business of telling other people the Good News—that they can be reconciled with God. In addition, we should certainly be striving for reconciliation between us and those we’ve harmed or those who have harmed us.
Again, I do not believe Bible advocates blanket forgiveness. In fact, the loving thing to do at times as true believers, may be to withhold forgiveness. For ODJ readers who may struggle with this biblical approach, check out this online booklet: http://discoveryseries.org/discovery-series/the-forgiveness-of-god/ Make sure to read pages 14-15. Let me know what you think!
OnMyWayHome on August 26, 2011 at 11:53 pm
My oldest daughter has separated herself from my wife and I a few years back. Moreover she has stopped seeing all her friends from church and others in our family.
We are not angry at her nor her husband too, rather we just wanted to ‘Why’?
A lot has to do with my actions years ago yet she holds such anger at me as well as others.
May there come a time where she finds it within her heart to trust me again. As well as forgive my actions of a wayward father who was out of control then and is seeking the Lords will now.
Thank you for your prayers as well as hearing me out.
winn collier on August 27, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Prayers for you, OnMyWayHome. I know these pains go deep, and I pray God’s healing goes deeper.
OnMyWayHome on August 31, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Thank you Winn