It seems our society has become increasingly divided and polarized,” writes Mark DeMoss, president of The DeMoss Group, and former (unpaid) adviser to US Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. “Every week we are treated to scenes of bitter fighting, protests turning to violence and vandalism, name-calling, and personal attacks. Important debates are no longer fought ideas and words, but with shouting and screaming.”
Concerned about “the hate and animosity being aimed at men and women with whom we may disagree,” DeMoss launched The Civility Project—a collection of liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans, blacks and whites, and people of various faiths who agree that even in sharp disagreement, we should not be disagreeable.
DeMoss says that though participants in the project may have varying motivations for practicing civility, as a follower of Jesus Christ, he is motivated by 1 Corinthians 16:14, “Do everything with love.” And “love,” according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, includes: Patience and kindness (v.4). Not being jealous or boastful or proud or rude (vv.4-5). Not demanding our own way (v.5). Not being irritable, and keeping no record of being wronged (v.5). Not rejoicing about injustice but rejoicing whenever the truth wins out (v.6). Persevering and enduring through every circumstance (v.7).
“Whether out of spiritual conviction or pure pragmatism, civility should be preferred to incivility,” DeMoss states, “and that’s why we’re inviting everyone who will to take the Civility Pledge (civilityproject.org).”
It’s important that we memorize Scripture that can help us keep our cool when we disagree with someone’s behavior or views. Let’s make it our personal project to reveal God’s great love (1 Corinthians 13:13) as we debate and discuss today’s issues with others.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: 2 Samuel 13:20-39
More:
Learn more about God’s love and patience by reading Exodus 34:6-7.
Next:
Why is it important that we engage in civil discussions with unbelievers? What happens to our witness when we lose our cool?
AManofGod on April 8, 2011 at 12:15 am
I am so blessed to have God in my life! I had been plagued with a quick temper and a sharp tongue for most of my life. Something happened to me when I reestablished my relationship with Jesus…..I lost the desire to “jab” and “slay” others with my tongue! It doesn’t thrill me as it once did. Satan has tempted me endlessly as of late though. My soon to be ex speaks vilely of me constantly, in fact whenever she utters my name a series of F-bombs and d- bombs usually follow. The amazing thing is my reaction is to calmly look at her and pray. I pray for myself but moreso for her. When God comes into your life it truly does change you! And I love the change in me.
The relationships lost are sad but the one I found in Christ makes it more than durable. Let us delight in the love God has for us. And in doing that, civility will be as easy as breathing.
AManofGod
eppistle on April 8, 2011 at 6:13 am
In Ephesians 4:15 tells us that we should be “speaking the truth in love.” In dealing with people we disagree with, Christians can err in two ways: Sometimes we speak the truth without love in an uncivil way. Other times we are so concerned about civility, we don’t speak the truth in fear of offending the person. For example with Mormons, we can come across as arrogant and self-righteous and more concerned about winning an argument than caring for their souls. On the other hand by our silence we can come across as if we think that they are another evangelical truth-communicating denomination. Neither of these extremes is loving; neither of these is rejoicing in truth (I Corinthians 13:6). The Apostle Peter explains how we can communicate the truth in love: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” This nation needs more of us who answer God’s call to engage in civil apologetics.
regina franklin on April 8, 2011 at 9:57 am
Dear Roxanne,
Good word–it’s so easy to minimize others by objectifying them to their opinions. Yesterday, I was saddened in watching a group of women on an elevator–as soon as one of them got off, two others from her group began discussing her. Although a seemingly different issue, it was a microcosm of the things you discussed. We need to be unafraid to speak the truth, but we must be willing to speak it a) to the individual and b) in words seasoned with grace. So much of allowing the Word to permeate my life relates to my heart and my mouth.
daisymarygoldr on April 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm
It is important to be civil in my conduct and speech with both unbelievers and believers. When I remain humble, loving, patient, and kind in the face of cruelty, insult, intolerance, and ridicule, it honors Christ and opens the door for His gospel.
One of our friends who got converted from Hinduism took his Hindu students to an apologetics conference on campus. He was shocked to see Christians snicker whenever a student stood up to ask questions. We hinder the Holy Spirit when we dehumanize and laugh at others. Remember, we are called to simply witness the truth—not to convince or convert people.
Personally, I do not argue about spiritual stuff with non Christians or atheists. I also did not debate and discuss with Christians up until my recent past. Honestly, it has been a one-of-a-kind growing experience for me. My initial knee-jerk reaction to Christians who hate the Church and fellow believers—was anything but civil. One night following a blog conversation, I realized my sin and had wept bitterly asking the Lord to kill me for having brought shame and disgrace to His name. It was through much pain I learned, the sweet perfume of God’s anointing in my life is completely ruined by the stench of a dead fly—my ungracious behavior and words.
1 Cor 13 love cannot be coerced, legislated or taught. It is the very evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives that enables us to overcome divisions which occur due to theological, cultural, and ethnic differences. When we lose our cool and fight among ourselves, it greatly damages the credibility of our witness to the world.
Now, being civil does not mean that I have to mutely nod my head in agreement to everything that is being said. If I am only around people who always agree with me, then there is something wrong with my faith and my love is vain. Disagreement is not about ‘who’ but ‘what’ is right. And so, I must always respect the person while disagreeing with his opinions. Thanks roxanne robbins and all, for exhorting me to be civil!