The fight for godly marriages has raged since the fall in Eden, but in the past few years, my husband and I have become increasingly aware that the battle lines begin at our doorstep. Seeing some of our friends divorce and others separate has left us wishing for the innocence of days gone by. As we prepare to celebrate our fifteenth anniversary, we are so grateful for the work God has done in our marriage—for the gift we’ve been given.
God established marriage as a means of procreation (Genesis 1:28), companionship (Genesis 2:18), and as a reflection of God’s selfless love (1 Peter 3:8; Ephesians 5:25). In short, it’s so much deeper than anything this world can demonstrate to us.
We can feel dismay when we see what is taking place in the political and public arena regarding the state of marriage. When we see friends and family members struggle in their marital relationships, it can grieve us. And we’re left with this vital question: How are we passionately protecting our own marriages?
To keep our marital bonds strong, we should:
• Invest – The greatest amount of time and investment should be in our relationship with God. Then, our relationship with our spouse must receive the second most investment—more than other relationships (1 Peter 3:1-2).
• Trust – We must trust God with changes we desire to take place in our spouse (1 Peter 3:5,7-8). It’s vital that we place our life on the altar and focus on how He wants us to change.
• Guard – Our interactions with members of the opposite sex must be pure and holy (1 Peter 3:11-12). Unity in marriage means no hidden places.
Let’s honor God by protecting our marriages. They’re worth the fight.
More:
Each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).
Next:
If you’re married, how can you strengthen the condition of your marriage? If you’re single, how can you strengthen your relationship with your first love—God?
conmeo on December 19, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Thank God for you Regina. I am hopeful that work in progress and all married folks can benefit from your encouraging words. I have lost my 35 year marraige and more. I know the Lord loves me(us) but I am lost in a very dark place. Pray for us. Thank you
regina franklin on December 20, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Dear Conmeo–Praying for you, especially in this time of the year. May the Lord surround you with His songs of deliverance and may you be absolutely convinced of His undying love for you. Isaiah 54:5-6, 10-17.
AManofGod on December 20, 2010 at 11:28 am
Conmeo,
I have read your posts on ODJ in the past and my heart goes out to you. I too have a multi decade marriage that has ended and it is very painful but you can use that pain in one of three ways.
1) You can become bitter and angry at your spouse. This will lead to no spiritual growth for you at all.
2) You can remain exactly where you are, refusing to move ahead and heal yourself You may not be bitter and angry at your spouse but you refuse to open up and risk being hurt again.
3) You can learn from the mistakes you made and ask God to come into your life and change you. This can lead to real spiritual growth and an awareness of how you got where you are.
If you choose the 3rd option you can not only help yourself but you can help others by sharing your testimony. Young married couples can learn from the actions of people like you [and I] and they can apply those learned lessons in their own marriages……hopefully alleviating some of the painful experiences we have gone thorugh.
The first option is the one we usually go through initially. But keep in mind that being bitter at your ex spouse serves no purpose. We can only look at our fault in the marriage and work on those things. If you spouse says “it was all you” and she positive that she played no role in the marital collapse don’t worry about it. JUST WORK ON YOU! Don’t pass blame and hold on to anger…it will eat you up inside.
God knows the desires of your heart but He also knows what is best for you! He will provide. My spouse consistently says horrible things about me but rather than counter with the same I pray for her. God has given me a peace and acceptance about this situation and He has let me know that although I am not married any longer I am truly loved.
AManofGod
llmcelhenny on December 28, 2010 at 10:21 am
Dear Regina, thank you so much for these words to remind us of the priorities that we should have in our marriage. God first, and our relationship with Him and then our relationship with our spouse. My husband and I are going on our 14th year of marriage this February and we have to walk in that knowledge literally minute to minute. We have 3 children, 11, 9, and 6 and it is so easy to forget the priorities for the Lord and each other and place our children in the front. So, not only do we suffer in our relationship with the Lord and each other, but our children suffer in the long run, because they miss out on witnessing 2 parents that show love for the Lord and each other. Thank you for the reminder. God Bless and Merry Christmas! Heather
regina franklin on January 2, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Dear Heather,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. May this year be a year of continued growth for you in your relationship with Christ, in your relationship with your husband and in your role as a mom. What a precious gift you give your children when you place your life and your marriage on the Rock of the Word. He has promised to be our wisdom and our peace no matter the challenges that come. I often tell people that marriage and parenting are at once the most challenging and rewarding experiences in my life. Blessings–He is able!
AManofGod on December 29, 2010 at 4:29 pm
llmcelhenny,
Your children are doubly blessed! Not only do they have two parents that love each other but they have two parents that love the Lord as well. You are setting a marvelous example of a Godly marriage to your children and I commend you for that.
You and your husband should be very proud of that!
AManofGod
Malou.P on January 2, 2011 at 9:50 am
i love reading each one post. after being married for 4 years it seems like a long time for us. right now were in a big storm. i felt like my husband want to control evrything and take advantage of being the head of the family. he start buying guns to protect the family which is contrary to my belief and principle. before he said one and now he is willing to spend more money on those stuff and now were expecting another child. and still leaving with his mom for almost 2 years. i don’t know but we just start the 2011 with a fight and weve been in this for so many years. but i like to read you guys comment as if there is still some hope for this family cause right now im in a stage that i want to give up and end up in divorce. its hard to tell the whole story it may be bias to speak only on my behaft. but just want some encouragement how to survive.
regina franklin on January 2, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Dear Malou,
May God’s peace surround you as you seek His will for your life. In the day to day grind of life, it can be so easy to become overwhelmed and feel as if our circumstances are never going to change. I have seen people in various stages of marriage who have cried out to the Lord in their heartache. God is faithful to all–even for those who couldn’t choose to make their spouses stay. Don’t give up on God’s provision and sustaining grace–even in the moments when you feel like giving up on your marriage. May the Lord lead you–and may you be willing to obey His voice, no matter the length of timing until you see His answer. Praying for you tonight.
regina franklin on December 19, 2010 at 10:28 pm
Dear Work-In-Progress,
Fear can make people say and do some very hurtful things. I don’t know your husband–his personality, the history of your relationships, or his walk with the Lord–but it sounds as if he is trying to gain control in a situation where he feels a loss of control. Is it possible that he is afraid he will lose you?
I don’t know if you you and your husband have the kind of relationship where you can have an open discussion about the concerns each of you has but regardless, you can war in prayer. Scripture tells us that the Word is powerful. What you cannot accomplish through your words to your husband, God can do through the working of His Spirit. But that means our willingness to let Him work in the way He sees fit.
When the enemy tries to work on you in fear that you might lose your husband and your marriage, may the presence of the Holy Spirit and the truth of God’s Word guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-8). Regardless of the choices others make, God is trustworthy and always faithful.
Our prayers are with you.
Regina