A benefit of being a teacher, I know that Thanksgiving vacation is always an anticipated respite from the routine of waking early, grading papers, and planning lessons.
What I hadn’t planned for was the impending disagreements that would arise from our two children being home in close quarters with extra time. No matter how much I tried to reason with them, they couldn’t seem to agree on anything. They were focused on each other’s faults, while denying their own. A glutton for punishment, I grounded them from media for several days. Much to my delight, the arguments waned and they suddenly remembered that they actually liked each other.
As living sacrifices—set apart, transformed—believers in Jesus are to become living, breathing reflections of God’s will (Romans 12:1-2). In the quietness of our devotional time with the Lord, this goal stirs our hearts. In the day-to-day of relationships, however, it can seem to be downright impossible.
As I deal with my children, I often hear the Lord speaking to me about my relationships with others. It takes two to fight (Proverbs 20:3). You can’t choose how others act, but you can choose how you respond (Matthew 5:38-39). Be kind, whether it’s deserved or not (Proverbs 31:26). Like my children, I can either trust the wisdom of the One who knows far more than I do or I can rely on my own perspectives (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Godly love doesn’t come by finding perfect relationships; it comes when I first choose to deal with my own faults (Romans 12:9). Relational peace is not avoidance. It’s a decision to act on the things for which I am responsible, while placing the things I cannot change in the hands of Jesus. I must trust a God for whom nothing is impossible (Luke 1:37; Mark 9:23).
More:
Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it (Psalm 34:14).
Next:
Is there a relational conflict you’ve been trying to control through your own actions or words? What can you do “as much as possible” to improve the situation? What aspects of this conflict need to be surrendered to Jesus?
AManofGod on November 26, 2010 at 2:00 am
Thiis is an awesome testament to the power of God to do anything…..except fail! When you give “poor” relationships to God and focus on our own shortcomings rather than those of the “other party” you see that WE must change ourselves and allow God to do the changing in the other person. I have learned that there is no power I have to change anything about anyone….only God and the other person’s decision to make a change can make that happen.
lindagma on November 26, 2010 at 6:52 am
Amen “AManofGod” Amen! And it is such freedom to let go of the struggle and let Him do His work. And if the other person does not change, it’s not on your back…and God will give you peace about it. I wish it had not taken me so long to learn this.
BettyBlessed on November 26, 2010 at 11:45 am
I’m learning so much from this post. I keep reading the last two paragraphs. It gives me very specific actions I need to take with people. Right now I’ve hit a snag in a familial relationship. At first I decided to “shut off” from them. Now I’m thinking about not being able to control what others say or do but I can choose how I respond.
AManofGod on November 26, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Wonderful BettyBlessed! I am so glad the posts are helping you because every time I read one or write a comment I am growing in my faith as well! This particular post has special meaning for me as I previously had a lot of trouble in thinking I could “change” people by doing or saying “the right thing.”
God has let me know that I have no such power over anyone. I’ve released that type of thinking from my mind and let people be themselves. That is not to say I allow myself to be disrespected or put down but I know I cannot make anyone do the right thing…..all I can do is control my reaction to them. If people choose to disrespect themselves or me I cannot control them…..but I don’t have to allow them to control me either.
stanleyalexanderp on November 26, 2010 at 11:07 pm
“That is not to say I allow myself to be disrespected or put down”
The above is an extract of the post of AManofGod, I suffer this most of the times, especially from the younger generation and I feel very upset and bitter about it, How can I overcome this emotion?
AManofGod on November 27, 2010 at 11:39 am
Stanleyalexanderp I can completely understand what you are speaking of. I used to accept verbal abuse and painful statements from many people. I would hope that there would be something or some way God would show me to make these people stop hurting me and be a friend to me.
I will tell you I worked through these feelings. My profession is scientist and when you first learn about science they teach us about particles, molecular compounds and interactions between them. As we study how particles interact we need to know which particles will have more or less power and which will dominate in reactions. One of my first professors always told us to “consider the source” of the particle and you will have an understanding of its power. This is what you must do in life as well. Consider the “source” of those who ridicule you or put you down. Now once you have done that consider YOUR source. The source that gives you life and the source that gives you strength and hope in your daily trials and tribulations. Do you see how much STRONGER and POWERFUL your source is than theirs? Rely on your source for love and understanding and you will come to realize how truly insignificant these individuals are in your life.
Try this and let me know how it works for you. Remember you can’t stop people from saying horrible things about you but consider their importance in your life and consider THEIR source. Your source loves you and speaks great things to you about your significance….His love for you is never ending!
Be Blessed!
A Man of God
1 John 4:4……..Greater is He that is in me, then he that is in the world!
stanleyalexanderp on November 27, 2010 at 10:17 pm
I thank you AManofGod for responding to my emotions displayed on this blog.
“I would hope that there would be something or some way God would show me to make these people stop hurting me and be a friend to me”
In response to the above: I can, in a fraction of a second make them to stop hurting me by rebuking them or showing them a mirror of how they conduct their lives, (by the way, I used to do that and people would leave me alone, BUT, now things are different, I pray for them and surrender them to My SAVIOR and LORD JESUS CHRIST)
Regarding them being my friends: I am not so sure that I want them to be my friends. Is it right to think like this?
Thank you for your blessing and you too BE BLESSED.
Stanleyalexanderp
AManofGod on November 27, 2010 at 11:10 pm
You are doing the right thing in praying for them….although I know how tough it can be to pray for those who mistreat you! We have to imitate Jesus in that situation….and no was better at praying for those that mistreated Him than Jesus!
I have had some people who were horrible to me come back to me later and marvel at how I never returned evl for evil. One guy even told me he wondered how I was able to do and what was in me that could make me able to act that way. I think we all know the answer to that question.
Keep doing what you are doing…praying, learning and seeking God’s counsel. If you stay on the path you are on, the answers will come to you and the people who mistreat you will just be a small bump in your road to glory.
A Man of God
stanleyalexanderp on November 28, 2010 at 10:36 pm
Many thanks A Man of God,
I am not sue about the do’s and dont’s of this communication, is it ok to know you, I mean, really, like your name or where are you from, things like that…………………………..
AManofGod on November 29, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Stanleyalexanderp,
You are quite welcome! I always have stated that by helping strengthen others I also stregthen my own faith!
I’m not sure about the rules of giving out contact information on here….I’ll have to email the “bloggers” and ask if that is OK.
But anytime you need to talk or have a question for me please feel free to ask. I check the site each and ervery day and I love to help fellow Christians as we work through our trials and situations that we come up against in life.
Be Blessed!
AManofGod
stanleyalexanderp on November 29, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Dear AmanofGod,
Ok, so I just come on to this part of the mail and address you as ‘AmanofGod’ and you will respond right?
stanleyalexanderp
AManofGod on November 30, 2010 at 11:03 am
Yes!
Anytime you need a word from me I’ll do my best to give you a Bible based response. There are so many good Christian men and women on this site who will also be willing to give you insight on any issue.
Call on me anytime!
Be Blessed!
AManofGod