I was reading upstairs when my neighbor came to pick up his son. The child must not have wanted to go yet, for I heard his small voice declare, “Someone’s going to die!” My neighbor did not correct his little boy, but smiled sheepishly as he steered him toward the door. This father is failing his son. As the God-appointed authority in his child’s life, he is teaching his son that it’s okay to disrespect all authority figures—including God.

Our experience with our earthly father inevitably forms of our view of God. In his book Faith of the Fatherless, Paul Vitz observes that many of the world’s leading atheists—such as Nietzsche, Hume, Russell, Sartre, and Camus—grew up without fathers. Could the absence of their earthly fathers explain why it was so hard for them to believe in the existence of a heavenly Father?

If you grew up with an absent or abusive father, you will tend to project this bad experience upon God. But if you realize this natural bent, you may be able to lay it aside. Recognize that you’re the victim of bad parenting and seek out a father figure who can restore your faith in God. Above all, start with God, allowing His revelation (rather than your difficult childhood) to define what it means to be a father. Believe Jesus when He says that “your heavenly Father already knows all your needs” and is eager to “give good gifts to those who ask Him” (Matthew 6:32; 7:11).

If you’re a father, know that how you love your children will determine their perception of God. Being a good dad does not guarantee that your children will love God, but a bad dad can certainly cause them to struggle in their relationship with Him. Ninety percent of parenting is just showing up, but the other 10 percent matters too.