The mothers in my neighborhood threw a party for the distinctive feature of the male anatomy—one of them even baked a cake in its shape and invited my wife over to see it. My wife politely declined, but the incident reminded us that we’re living in an increasingly pornographic world.
Sexual sin is always wrong, but it’s particularly troubling when middle-aged women start behaving like junior high boys. Perhaps because sex and pregnancy are particularly personal for women, they have traditionally provided our last line of defense against sexual deviancy. When “even the women” (Romans 1:26) lose all sense of sexual propriety, what hope is there for our men?
We live in an age of pornography. Not long ago, someone who wanted to ogle naked bodies had to make an effort to leave their home and go to the seedy part of town. Now we stumble across pornography while surfing the Web or on television. And few people seem to mind. Some of us remember not being allowed to attend the movie theater because it was “worldly.” We scoffed at such legalism, but now the pendulum has swung in the other direction. Most of us are free to go to movies, and there is almost nothing we won’t watch. Consider the gratuitous nudity and simulated sex you have seen on television or in a theater, and you’ll know what I mean.
God commands us to “give honor to marriage” (Hebrews 13:4). It’s hard to do that when we lust after bodies that do not belong to our spouse or use vulgar terms or throw parties that demean the bodies God has given us. God is against porn because He is for sex within the sacred estate of marriage. Don’t cheapen His beautiful gift with coarse talk or promiscuity.
More:
ix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).
Next:
How does pornography and promiscuity rob us of the sacred nature of sex? How will you pursue a pure life that honors God?
pteast on November 2, 2010 at 4:48 am
Amen!
lindagma on November 2, 2010 at 6:31 am
It is shocking to me, the things that are now allowed on TV. I come from the day when TV married couples slept in twin beds, there was no such thing as living together without marriage and certainly not gay couples… even though I avoid the permiscuity and filth that is thrown at us, I’ve become accustomed to seeing it in commercials and promos for new programs. And there lies the problem… we become “accustomed” and soon, it doesn’t seem so bad. Turning back to God is the only solution… we can support good Christian entertainment, and refuse to watch the worldly stuff but unless we have revival, those who do not serve Jesus will continue in there ways. Our country needs MUCH prayer.
mike wittmer on November 2, 2010 at 8:51 am
lindagma:
You are so right. The first step to conditioning us to accept a specific sin is to get us to laugh at it. When we start to see the humor in something we no longer see it as really bad. So perhaps a good question is to ask what makes us laugh.
AMGMJL on November 2, 2010 at 9:53 am
Porn destroyed my marriage. It took my son’s father away from our home. My dreams of a two parent home for my kids were destroyed. He was a “God fearing man.” We attended church as a family and he was even involved in men’s bible studies. He “appeared” to be a strong believer. We have been divorced for a few years now. He still attends church and raises his hands in worship time to praise God. His girlfriend is now pregnant and they are planning to move in together soon. I don’t get it. I really do not get it. What do I tell my son who admires and loves his dad? I WILL NOT bad mouth his dad but I WILL NOT allow my son to think that behavior is OK with God. I agree that we have become more and more accepting of things that we should not accept. I am in total agreement with lindagama. Things that used to be considered unacceptable for TV are now common. But we as Christians have something greater than all of that. God is still in control.
mike wittmer on November 2, 2010 at 5:41 pm
AMGMJL:
I am so sorry for the pain which you so eloquently state. I know you know that God is not impressed by your immoral ex-husband’s worship, but it can be grating to think that he is fooling many others. The best you can do–and it seems that you are–is continue to work at forgiving him and commit his unrepentant heart to God.
As for your son, he could really use a godly man in his life who will instruct him and model for him what it means to be a man of God. Is there anyone at church or among your friends who would take an interest in your son and be that voice of purity in his life?
AMGMJL on November 2, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Thank you so much for your support, Mike. It was encouraging for me. As far as my son, we are so blessed to belong to a church with an awesome youth pastor. He is busy with a miracle new baby but always has time for the needs of the kids in his group.
Honestly, its hard for me to trust any man anymore. What you see can be very deceiving. We had a worship leader at our church that appeared so godly and we all trusted him. He was even a Sunday school teacher and we all thought he was so great with the kids. He is now in jail for sexually molesting some of the girls in our church. Then to be betrayed by my ex after that, well, you can understand my lack of trust.
Some of my son’s best friends dad’s are great guys. They know what he has been through and are willing to be a part of his life. I am starting to trust them more now. My son knows nothing about the pornographic addiction that destroyed our family and I do not intend to tell him unless he asks me specifically what happened.
What I would like to see is a support system for the victums of an addiction. It seems as though the offender gets all the help they want but the wife and kids are left to fend for themselves. But, again, I have my Father who loves me and my boys. He is God. He is bigger than any of this.
Did not mean for this to be all about me. Today’s devotional really hit a nerve with me and I greatly appreciated it.
midnightmn on March 9, 2011 at 1:26 am
AMGMJL
Please check out Al Anon for you and AlaTeen for your children. Al Anon is based on the 12 steps of AA
Al Anon is for the friends & family of addicts AlaTeen is for teenage children of addicts. Alanon should be in the phone book or online
Check out several Al Anon groups in your city to find a group that is right for you. Some group are life savers and others are a pity party. The groups are anonymous so no one needs to know that you or your children are attending.
I have been going to meetings for over 10 years. some of my best friends are from my Al Anon group.
If your ex went through a treatment center, they may have a program for family members.
You also try Big Brothers & Big Sisters to find a mentor for you children
AManofGod on November 3, 2010 at 11:16 am
I think that is a great idea AMGMJL about a support group for the family of people in addictions. Addictions can affect all members of the family not just the addict. I was married for many years to a woman who had a drug addiction…..and sadly I BECAME CODEPENDENT! I thought she needed me and I could never leave her or I would not be doing all that I promised God when I took my vows. I thought I was showing love by caring for her and I became almost addicted to the feeling of being her ONLY caregiver (when we all know i was never her ONLY caregiver…..GOD was still there!). I have done many things I knew were wrong to support her habit and I am ashamed. My kids even were ashamed of their mother and expressed that to me later. If I had known how to properly respond to her addiction i could have helped myself….and maybe her also.
The good thing is now my children are older and they know that a loving God saved them from any harm and saved their mother too! Even though the marriage is over she has gotten help with her addiciton so I am happy for that. Even from a bad situation God can draw blessings! Your son is a testament to that fact! Your husband is lost but pray that one day he will find the right path.
Be Blessed!
Teri on November 4, 2010 at 7:20 am
I love the LORD and want to let others see him in me. I have been married for 33yrs now.My husband and I have 3 wonderful children and 6 grandchildren. We were both raised in church and knew the difference between right and wrong. We were both married young and it has not been an easy road at times. My battle is after all that we have indured, at a time when we were both living for Jesus, I find that he has been having what I would call and emotional affair with a coworker. The week prior to my finding out he had actually met with this woman at a parking lot and drove together for coffee and conversation.(which lasted four to five hrs both times). I found out through our cell phone records because we had went over our minutes. The texting and phones calls went continuous for approximately 4 months prior to me finding out. We are both christians and my husband is serving on a board at our church he is also a teacher of a mens bible study and at times wednesday evening class. I am devastated and trying to heal through the grace of GOD. I confronted him and he said he was sorry. I am having a very difficult time with him working there. Although I know that GOD had given him this job. There is so much more I could say… We both prayed and things were looking like I was doing ok. The woman fell in love with my husband and so of course she didnt want it to end. Even after getting through all the that he would come home and tell me if anything was said or done(I wanted to know). To shed more light on this story Our pastors wife is the one who aided in getting my husband this job as she works in the HR dept.. We never went to anyone about this but two of our children and JESUS. Then after all has been quite for about 4 months now this women shows up at our small home town church.(Thnak GOD we just happen to be home sick that morning with the flu). But I find out that see approached our pastors wife after services and now I am a wreck my husband said I have got to get past this and never bring it up again. Because he can not and wont live with it constantly in his face. My prob is how can I live with it and not question him when he still works there and I would never have expected this at this time in our lifes anyway.
Cathy on November 12, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I understand how it feels. I am in the same boat right now. I feel so lost since I want the best for my family, and i want to forgive and move on, but feelings of doubt, fear and anger torment me night and day.
I shall keep you too in my prayers and please pray for me too.
If anyone has any suggestions, I would gladly accept them.
tom felten on November 12, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Cathy, I hope this online booklet provides some helpful insights: http://discoveryseries.org/discovery-series/avoiding-the-dangers-of-superficial-forgiveness/
May God be your strength and comfort today.
mike wittmer on November 4, 2010 at 7:46 am
AMGMJL:
I entirely understand why it’s difficult to trust men. I have a close friend whose second wife has cheated on him, like the first one, and now he understandably feels the same way about women! It’s absolutely not your fault that you feel this way–many of the men in your life have broken trust and it takes a long time to earn that back. Thank God that he has given you and your son a few good models–they are more precious than gold for you and your son.
mike wittmer on November 4, 2010 at 7:53 am
Teri:
You have a real conundrum here. It seems that your husband needs to be more serious about earning back your trust (rather than say “just get over it”) and you need to work on forgiveness, which is a huge subject with all kinds of puzzling questions about how and when to forgive. Would your pastor be willing to counsel both of you? You could really use a wise counselor who can wade through the details and construct a workable solution. Perhaps your husband needs to find another job as a sign of winning back your trust. I don’t know, but you could really benefit from a wise advisor to counsel both of you together. Above all, remember that at the end of the day you are only responsible for your choices–so determine now to act with integrity and Christian love toward everyone in this scenario, even the other woman. That doesn’t mean that you welcome her into your home, but that you unkind thoughts about her out of your heart. And when you do, you will know that God is working in you.
Teri on November 4, 2010 at 9:11 am
Mike,
When I first found out, I asked that we seek counseling from anywhere, my husband doesnt really believe in it. As far as our Pastor, we have been best friends with them since before he even became a minister. And our daughter actually even married their son(hence 4 grandchildren). They are the youth pastors of our church as well. My husband is a good man and I love him very much this just hurt so badly. I am just wo9ndering if I can never ask him if she is still persueing him or talking with him.. The bad part is at times they will half to interact. As he is a tradesman an makes fixtures for the DD, and she is an aide. The not knowing what is going on is very difficult, and yet when he does come home and tell me that he had to communicate with her in some way, it bothers me terribly and although I am not trying to blame him I look for other ways around his being around her. I feel so at a loss. If I talked with our pastor believe he would not go back to our church(he has said as much). And I dont want that. Is it because I really havent forgiven him that I cant get past this. It is very hard for me to think that we were living with such deception for many months. Im really struggling!
midnightmn on March 9, 2011 at 2:15 am
Teri
Some unconnected thoughts
Please pray for God’s guidance about forgiving your husband. You will forgive him on your & God’s schedule, not your husbands.
Ask your husband to pray for God’s guidance about what he can do and should not do to help you through this.
I have known one of my friend for about 30 years. He and his wife have have had some very rough times during their marriage. His wife has very resistance to counciling for years & years. His faith has gotten much stronger in the past year. His wife is now willing to go to counciling for herself & her issues in addition to going to couple’s counciling.
So pray that it will be God’s will that you & your husband will find a councilor you both are willing to go to.
I suggest that you & your husband pray & then talk to each other about what your pastor’s wife may or may not know about your husband’s “affair” ,since she works at the same company. There may be gossip at the company about your husband & this other woman, that the pastor’s wife has heard.
Does the company have a policy about employee’s dating each other? Particularly if one is at a higher level than the other or supervises the other?
Is it possible for your husband to transfer to another department or division of this company where he would have no or very little contact with this woman?
Under the catagory of small victories
You can thank God that you found out about this before it have gotten any farther. Unconsciously your husband may have wanted you to find out, because if he really wanted to keep this a secret from you, he would never have let you see the cell phone records or he would have never used his cell phone to contact her.
mike wittmer on November 4, 2010 at 9:39 am
Teri:
I have no way of telling if you are struggling because you haven’t forgiven him or because he hasn’t earned your trust back. But a counselor–and given the situation it may have to be someone other than your own pastor–would be able to help you immensely.
I would tell your husband that you’re not blaming him, and the problem may very well now lie with you, but that you are confused and torn up and you really need him to go with you to counseling to help you figure this out and safeguard your marriage. If he is committed to you he will put aside his pride and agree to go. You are not making an unreasonable request, so his response will tell you alot. Basically, you’re telling him that the counseling is for your sake–but of course it also has implications for him. He needs to man up to his wedding vows and do this for you.
One book which may be very helpful to you is James Dobson’s, “Love Must Be Tough.” I also recommend Chris Brauns, “Unpacking Forgiveness,” for help untangling the difficult questions of what it means to really forgive.
Teri on November 4, 2010 at 10:00 am
Do you think he should keep his job given the fact that I don’t believe she has given up or she would never have came to our church. As there are many many other even bigger churches she could have went to in her own town. Because of this I still feel the need to know what happens at work everyday. Is that wrong?
mike wittmer on November 5, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Teri:
I think you have good reason to be suspicious–and to earn your trust he has to avoid all appearance of evil. I don’t know enough of the specifics, but it may very well be a good idea for him to find another place to work. That would show his commitment to you–to you, to the other woman, and to himself.
mprez2006 on November 5, 2010 at 10:03 pm
I struggled with porn from a very young age, and when i finally got freedom and alone time in college, it totally consumed my life, but i am here to witness that this very year, GOD has delivered me from the addiction, and the desire!!!! Keep me in prayer, that I won’t turn back…..I’m on mission to, through my testimony, deliver others!! God is able!