As I was grading papers at school one day, I received a text from my husband that read, “we r all n.” When I responded “What?” he explained that he had spilled half a gallon of paint on the carpeting in our home office. Fortunately, the carpet was old, and we were planning on ripping it up anyhow. Now we were “all in” and there would be no turning back from the upcoming floor project. Meanwhile, until we could afford to remove the carpet, the colored, crusty spot was an ever-present reminder of what spilled paint can do.
Words matter. Whether written or spoken, they have the power to color our world with life or death (Proverbs 18:21). Because we live in a hyper-communicative society, our communication extends thousands of miles in a matter of seconds. From cell phones to Twitter, we have the power to influence others in an instant. Often, we text or e-mail what we refuse to say in person because we feel a measure of safety behind the inanimate keyboard beneath our fingers.
Frustrations are bound to arise when we live in relationship with others. Like paint soaking into carpeting, however, words cannot be gathered up and their effects held back. Crusting over hearts, harsh words continue to speak long after we’ve had our say—even in the shortest text, the quickest tweet. Wrongfully perceiving electronic communication to be benign, we are still accountable—maybe even more so—for what we write. Erasing our sent box takes only a moment; words we wrote last a lifetime.
We can say we’re just venting or even claim our arrows are well-deserved, but the fact remains: If we claim to be religious but don’t control our tongue, we’re just fooling ourselves, and our religion is worthless (James 1:26).
More:
• Proverbs 10:19
• Proverbs 13:3
• James 3:7-10
Next:
Does the Holy Spirit or your flesh control your tongue? How should you respond to a person who has directed harsh words your way? How can you have conversations that are “gracious and attractive”? (Col. 4:6).
pjack4 on September 16, 2010 at 6:17 am
Thank you for todays post,
I have been praying that I can control my tongue. I tend to speak before I think and alot of times my words can hurt someone. I pray the Holy Spirit will help me in this everyday.
tony rodriguez on September 16, 2010 at 8:37 am
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS POST. JUST LAST NIGHT I WAS TALKING ABOUT SOME THINGS THAT WILL NOT CHANGE BY ME TALKING ABOUT THEM. PRAY IS WHAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING, INSTEAD I DID EXACTLY WHAT THE POST SAID I THOUGHT I WAS JUST VENTING, HOWEVER NO ONE GAINS ANYTHING FROM IT. LIKE SOLOMON SAID VANITY IT IS ALL VANITY. THANKS AGAIN ANG MAY THE LORD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL.
blackpearle on September 16, 2010 at 10:07 am
What if the words we say may be hurtful but are truly are your deepest and innermost feelings? I’ve held my tongue for years on several issues and I think it was causing more pain and confusion because no matter how I tried to act, underneath, I still had those feelings. Just yesterday all those feelings came out. They’re my truth, and although the words may have been hurtful, they’re a reality that I’ve dealt with for a while. Quite frankly, I’m glad to have said it.
I continue to pray for guidance and peace….
Ciera on September 16, 2010 at 8:03 pm
blackpearle-
I know what you mean. I do think some things need to be talked about, but it is more of how we talk about them. I also think trying to hide how you feel about something can be destructive. Being honest and upfront about things can be crucial. I have been on the other side of people who “explode” about things and it gets really confusing because I always find out about some expectation they had for me that I wasn’t aware of and was not fullfilling. As consequence of that I am a perfectionist and a people pleaser, constantly trying to avoid feeling guilty and getting trouble for not being good enough.
What I am trying to get across is that there is hurtful as in convicting where you tell someone that what they are doing is sinful, but if you swear at them, accuse them, tell them they aren’t worthy of life, that is NOT an ok hurtful. That kind of hurtful will destroy a relationship while the first can bring peace if not a more honest relationship in the long run. So talk, but talk wisely. Honesty in my opinion is the best policy.
blackpearle on September 19, 2010 at 7:20 am
This has been me “As consequence of that I am a perfectionist and a people pleaser, constantly trying to avoid feeling guilty and getting trouble for not being good enough”. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Your approach to the concern really works for me…and really it’s common sense. I think I just lose sight of the simple things when I’m clouded with anger and disappointment.
Peace & Blessings to All!
Sandra on September 16, 2010 at 10:49 am
Sometimes our thoughts can be as detrimental as our words. Often we are careless with what we allow to enter our minds. Therefore we must pray for God’s help in guarding our minds, to keep us from situations that wage war on our thought life!!!!
Sandra
esther chang on September 16, 2010 at 11:13 am
I suggest reading R.T Kendall’s “Your Words Have Power”. It has biblical focus and practical advice on controlling our tongue. It has helped me a lot!
Consquela on December 13, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Words hurt, but I have to agree that sometimes they are are innermost thoughts and they come out at the wrong time and at the wrong tone. However, is it better to hold them in and be in pain just to spare someone’s feelings?