Today I drank a peach milkshake and cried.
Far from being emotional over ice cream, I was flooded with memories. Though my dad has been gone 15 years, I still miss him. So when my kids and I went to get milkshakes, I couldn’t stop the tears as I sipped bits of peach through my straw. When he was in the final stages of renal cell carcinoma, peach milkshakes were among the few pleasurable foods my dad could tolerate. I bought him one the day he died in an attempt to ease his discomfort. Like our time together, it remained unfinished.
Few things redefine our lives like the death of someone we love. John’s account of Lazarus’ death brings the compassion of Christ into sharp focus. Jesus knew that Lazarus would live again (John 11:11), but He still wept as He saw him lying in the tomb (v.34).
Overcome by their loss, Martha and Mary (in separate instances) say to Jesus when He finally arrives: “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died” (vv.21,32). One distinct difference, however, marks their responses. Scripture tells us, “When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet” (v.32). Because she had been willing to sit at Jesus’ feet in sweet fellowship (Luke 10:39), Mary had no trouble falling at His feet in her moment of crisis.
Two women—the same question, but dramatically different postures. Intimacy defined the difference.
God doesn’t ask us to embrace our loss with gladness. Confident of His love for us, we are to trust His goodness in spite of our pain. Matthew 5:4 says, “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” When we choose to worship despite our loss, He becomes our comfort, the very presence of peace in our lives (Isaiah 9:6).
More:
He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair (Isaiah 61:3).
Next:
Is there any loss in your life where you have struggled to trust the Lord? In what ways has God been your Comforter?
F.O.C.U.S. on May 15, 2010 at 7:11 am
Thank you for todays devotional.
Earlier this week I had to attend the funeral of a Christian friend who sadly took his own life after a troubled battle with depression. It’s very very difficult seeing how God’s hand is at work sometimes in the midst of bitter tragedy. But one thing is abundantly clear – Christians are not excluded from pain and suffering in this life. One thing struck me while sitting in the funeral service. When your’re forced to face the harshest realities, you really only have 2 options. You can either humble yourself before God and acknowledge that there are simply times when you have to trust in him OR you can choose to see God as a lie and accept that ultimately there is no purpose to anything. There is no third option. May God bring much reassurance to those who are grieving loss today – recent or not.
julienuzzo on May 15, 2010 at 11:25 am
dear F.O.C.U.S.
i wanted to let you know that your post touched my heart and please accept my sincerest condolences on the loss of your friend. you’re right about there being no third option. may you continue to be encouraged and lifted up in spirit with scripture.
Soldier4Christ on May 15, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Focus my friend may the peace of God be with you as you deal with the loss of your friend. I will keep you in my prayers.
maryanneb47 on May 15, 2010 at 6:28 pm
In reading of your devotional I was reminded of my father’s death in which I was very angry. My father’s last months were spent with my brother who only lived a few miles away and he took off to go to a party and left my dad alone and his oxygen cord got cut off and he died. At first I was angry but now I’m not because God is always there for me and I believe that it was his time to give up and I forgave my brother’s stupidity.
regina franklin on May 15, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Dear Maryanne,
I am so sorry for your loss. May God’s grace continue to be upon you in your relationship with your brother. And may you be reminded daily that though others fail us continually, God is completely worthy of our trust.
regina franklin on May 15, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Dear F.O.C.U.S–
When my dad died, I remembered an older woman in the church telling me, “If you asked him to come back, he’d tell you ‘No.'” While I understood the premise of what she was saying–that my dad was in the presence of the Lord and that nothing else would compare–her words did little to ease my loss. Sometimes as Christians, we try too hard to package things nicely, to put a proverbial bow on top of our pain in order for things to make sense. And yet, some things in life simply defy an explanation that would make sense to our human minds. The earth groans, our bodies groan.
As you have so aptly stated, God doesn’t ask us to accept our pain as though the silver lining exists somewhere in our cloud. Rather, He asks us to trust Him when our pain threatens to redefine our view of everything. Even our view of Him. We can question away–He was big enough for Job’s questions, and because scripture tells us He’s the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, I believe His big enough to handle ours. But like Job, we must be content when if the answer we wanted never comes–when in place of a reason, He gives us Himself.
My prayers are with you and the family of this man.
fieldlily on May 15, 2010 at 7:29 am
I have been remembering my parents and brother this past week. I remember them with joy and sadness as I remember all they were to me and my “if onlys”. I responded differently at the time of each of their deaths. With my dad I was angry. With my mom at peace. With my brother I was grieved. It is interesting to think of where I was in my relationship with God at each passing. I know that my relationship with Him, at each passing affected how I responded.
It is interesting too how we all interpret different verses. I always thought that Jesus wept out of compassion for those who were grieving, showing empathy and sympathy because He felt the pain of their grief.
Thank you for reminding us that we are not alone in our grief, that Jesus felt it too and understands how we feel.
regina franklin on May 15, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Dear fieldlily,
Thank you. You’ve reminded me that grief is a process and that we are a work in process, even in our seasons of struggle. Sometimes I get too caught up on trying to “handle a season well” that I forget it’s not about me, it’s about Him working in and through me.
Ciera on May 15, 2010 at 10:29 am
I struggle so much with believing that God is good and loving and this is one of those posts that really brings it out for me. For some reason I cannot trust the idea of God/Jesus being compassionate like so many other people do.
And F.O.C.U.S. I am so sorry. At my school there was a girl who commit suicide last week, and I understand. Everyone seems to be left with so many unanswered questions and ‘what if’s…?’
Soldier4Christ on May 15, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Ciera, I can understand where your coming from and I know there are many who question God being a good and loving God. But He is a good and loving God. Good things happen to bad people and bad things to good people sometimes but the love of God is always there for us all. We must remember that we face an enemy that is there to attack us at any given opportunity. Satan is allowed to roam for a while and He is trying to drag as many people down as He can. He is the Father of lies and we must guard our hearts against Him. Often when something happens in life we look for someone or something to blame. If we just think about God and forget that the Devil is hard at work it is easy to place the blame on God. God doesn’t promise us a easy life with no troubles but He does promise to never leave us or forsake us. We in turn must do our part of praying and reading His word everyday. When we develop a close personal relationship with God our lives change for the better and there is nothing that Satan hates more because He doesn’t want you to know that you can be set free from guilt, sin, doubts, and fears.
regina franklin on May 15, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Well said!
regina franklin on May 15, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Dear Ciera,
Today was an interesting day for me. As I attended the graduation of the school where I teach, I had the opportunity to hear a Christian lawyer who works to end human trafficking and child bondage. Later that afternoon, I attended a silent auction held by the women at our church–an auction to raise money to help rescue young women out of the human trafficking industry in Indonesia.
Although it was a powerful day in terms of my being reminded that we all bear the call on our lives to live out the Micah 6:8 mandate, it also reminded me of the expansive, seemingly insurmountable pain of humanity across the globe.
How do we wrap our minds around a God of compassion when there is so much that is wrong in our world? Elie Wiesel–a holocaust survivor–asked the same question amidst his experiences in a concentration camp (recorded in his memoir, Night).
How do I hold to the understanding of a compassionate God when children die of hunger and young girls are sold for their bodies?
Today, however, I was reminded me how easily I point my finger at God and question His character. We live in a sinful world, and it is the fallenness of man–not the cruelty of God–that perpetuates every wrong that has ever existed.
The pain of humanity is real. And it is not a silent God who watches human suffering with indifference. He weeps, He moves, and He responds–but He asks us to be involved. We so easily call ourselves His hands and feet, but forget that it was His hands and feets that took the nails.
Whatever pain you have experienced is real, and whatever injustice you have suffered is not acceptable to God. You were not a justifiable liability to His “bigger scheme.” He loves you deeply–I am praying for you to know the depth of that love with confidence (Ephesians 3:17-21). The enemy wants nothing more than to separate you from the knowledge of Christ’s love–he cannot separate you from that love (Romans 8:38-39), but through his lies he can do a great deal of damage to your confidence in God’s love.
Notice what Ephesians 3:20 says–that He will do beyond what we could imagine–“By his mighty power at work WITHIN US” (emphasis mine). We are part of the solution. May every painful place the enemy has taken you through become a place of strength for the kingdom of God–and may you take the arrows of the enemy pointed for your heart and turn them back on him as tools of retribution to destory the works of the kingdom of darkness.
bblizz on May 22, 2010 at 9:51 am
I have just logged in for the first time and all I can say is…”I needed this”…so much more than words can say…sometimes when hard times come and grief takes many forms we don’t realize how far we can drift from the loving embrace of a Heavenly Father….thank-you to all who have been so tranparent and to those who cared enough to encourage so deeply…I have struggled for some time with a question I put to the Lord and have been waiting for His peace that only He can give…after reading these comments and hearing others along with prayer and reading the Word I can say I am almost there…
regina franklin on June 10, 2010 at 6:34 am
Dear bblizz,
Praying for you–that you will know deep in your heart how much God loves you and how trustworthy He is. May your heart be healed for the glory of the Lord (1 Peter 2:24).
ve9cbc on May 15, 2010 at 5:27 pm
All these posts have helped me greatly today. I went to my grandparents house to help clean out over 50 years of ‘living’, to put it mildly. I still expected to hear them say Hello, but it wasn’t there (at least verbally). God guided me today at every turn – and does every day.
The one thing I have learned about departed loved ones is this:
So long as their memories are in your mind, their thoughts and actions toward you shall always be in your heart.
Many thanks to you all for assisting me in this and every day. God Bless.
regina franklin on May 15, 2010 at 8:56 pm
May His provision continue in the coming weeks and months, and may the memories be gifts of blessing even through the loss of their presence.
F.O.C.U.S. on May 15, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Dear Friends,
Thank you All for taking the time to post words of enouragement and support – they mean a lot.
fieldliliy – you made an excellent point highlighting how our reactions towards God in our grief can tell more about the state of OUR hearts than HIS character. How often He must be blamed in the wrong?
Ciera – I understand your struggles only too well – I still have them at times myself. But note S4C’s advice because it’s good – The FACT that God is loving and good has nothing to do with how we FEEL. I have to remind myself daily that my sense of God should stem from what I read and believe in His word. Feelings are without doubt important but it;s truth that needs to be the foundation. I am confident the Lord will strengthen you.
ve9cbc – I’m sure that clearing your g-parent’s house was hard. May you know the Lord’s support at this time.
S4C – thank you my friend, for kind words.