My husband and I have enjoyed ministering to young people for the past 15 years. So as I read the local wedding announcements, I often see the names and faces of former students who used to be in our church’s youth group. One day, while reading a random announcement of a couple I didn’t recognize, I became even more aware of the brokenness of our society. The picture of the happy couple seemed to deny any consequences of their having celebrated their honeymoon 3 months prior to their wedding.
Sadly, sex outside of marriage has become the norm, even within the church. We have our justifications, telling ourselves that sexual sin is okay because we deserve to be happy or that we’re going to get married soon anyway. Thinking we know more than God, we’ve made our own rules and broken His commands. The result continues to be disastrous—especially because forbidden sin feels good.
Our flesh wants all the benefits of sexual pleasure without the boundaries of God’s Word, but Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled” (NASB). Sexual purity goes beyond the body to the heart (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Are we willing to trust God’s standards because we’re confident of His love? Or will we do things our way because His way seems unfair or too hard?
God designed sex to be something good (Genesis 2:24), and the honor of a man and the beauty of a woman radiates from his or her choice “not to awaken love until the time is right” (Song of Solomon 2:7). The world says whenever, but God says only within marriage. Our actions reveal whether we believe Him or not.
More:
• 1 Corinthians 6:13
• Ephesians 5:1-5
• Colossians 3:5-6
Next:
In what ways do we try to get around God’s rules about sex? Why must our motivation to avoid sexual impurity be greater than our fear of the consequences?
Abel on December 13, 2009 at 8:29 am
I struggled with pornography and involvement in other other sexual activities for a considerable part of my high school and middle school years and finally was completely rid of it by my freshman year in college…2 years after i got saved. since i came from a christian home, i knew what i was doing was wrong and combined with the fact that i got saved, i guess knowing what i was doing displeased God made me want to stop. In connection with today’s question on why our motivation to avoid sexual impurity should be greater than the fear of the consequences,my above explaination would satisfy a so called christian or believer, but what can i tell someone who isn’t one? I thought about it and i’m still stumped…
learning2serv on December 13, 2009 at 10:46 am
Abel, I believe you’re touching on something critical. I agree with the author wholeheartedly and he actually shares the answer, indirectly. “The world says whenever, but God says only within marriage. Our actions reveal whether we believe Him or not.”
When do we confront an unbeliever about an issue of colossal proportions? When it opens the door to bring them to a life changing faith in Christ. When we find sin in such areas, the power of the enemy’s deception is backed by current trend. Lying is spiteful, and assault hurts, but sex, well…
And society is all about what feels good, right now. The issue, then, is not about what is right or wrong, but do they have a saving knowledge of Him who is truly Righteous? Such is the call of reconciliation.
So, as guided by the Holy Spirit, when such an issue pops up, use your testimony to show what had happened to you was because of your distance from God and how your turning to Him gave you the perspective you needed. After all, the root issue is not sex, but what – and especially – who you believe in.
Our labor of love must never be to remind them how wrong they are (like ourselves, they already know that) but to show them how wrong we were. And tell them that we now walk in freedom. The Judge declared us not innocent but pardoned – we who the jury cried “guilty”. We were pardoned because the debt has already been paid.
You shared the most critical part of the answer, and I really don’t think it was a guess, but bought back to your understanding by the Holy Spirit: “i guess knowing what i was doing displeased God made me want to stop.” This is the only way we can **truly** overcome sin and the influence of the world in our lives. (John 14:15)
We are never The Judge (for there is only one), but we much “judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24), Most importantly, we are witnesses. Let our witness be with simplicity and compassion and full of Holy discernment bought about by His living Word.
Open the door. Share the truth. Make them free. (John 8:31-32)
Abel on December 13, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hey learning2serv…thanks for that beautiful insight…i so agree with everythn u said…in fact..i’ve come across a lot of christians who try to get the sin outta u be4 they get salvation in..whereas…in the bible, its abt first getting saved n then being renewed n reformed daily..
thanks for actually takin the time to type out that lil sermon though;)…God bless.
regina franklin on December 13, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Dear Abel and learning2serv,
What a great illustration of the body of Christ as you’ve ministered to each other and others with real questions and real responses.
Abel–someone will always be able to challenge what you believe about scripture. It’s in our fallen nature to deny right and wrong (unless of course it relates to someone having wronged us) can be so black and white. But what they can’t counter is a changed life–not a perfect life–but one that has been transformed by the goodness of God’s love.
In ministry, we deal with real individuals who were raised in Christian homes or in the church but who have struggled with sexual impurity in its many forms. The two greatest tools we have to offer is the Word (as it expresses both the righteousness and love of Christ) and our stories. The point of transformation comes when there is godly–not worldly–sorrow because it is this sorrow that motivates us to take action beyond what is comfortable or easy. In my places of struggle with sin, my heart’s cry is that God would show me how much He loves me and how much my sin grieves Him.
When it comes to dealing with unbelievers or believers,I believe that’s a good starting point. We shouldn’t back down on calling sin what it is, but always others should know that the call to leave the sin behind comes from One who loves us in spite of the sin. It’s those kinds of encounters that cause us to “go and sin no more” (John 8:11).
RockSolid on December 13, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Good points… and I would definitely emphasize that it takes strength to accept God’s way of doing things, and that can only last by having a relationship with him, so more than anything, display in your life not Christianity as a burden or limit to life, but as a relationship that you keep vibrant and that helps fulfill your life as well. Only then will someone want to lay down what seems better at first. Its like gardening… you have to get dirty, and work on it through time, but that work will give you fruit and veggies that are fresh and tasty. If you tell someone life is better if you get dirty, and thats all you do with how you live life… they only see you dirty but they never see why, or the results… thats not enough to make them want to be dirty. You must be able to witness, through your life, the fruit of the relationship you have with God. Part of that is the fruit of the spirit, but the blessings God gives you among other “fruit” as well
RockSolid on December 13, 2009 at 12:48 pm
I wanted to leave this as a separate comment… so lets say since prevailing statistics show more and more people are having sex before marriage… its more likely you will marry someone who has already had sex.
How do you deal with the past of someone if a) you have done your best to live pure, and it seems up until this point they haven’t b) you haven’t lived pure but they have c) you both haven’t lived pure in the past, but you are struggling to do so, yet what you are used to seems like it may creep into your relationship?
Many know that we SHOULD stay pure… and I don’t think people have sex before marriage just because they want to have that good thing… I think many many people make some mistakes in their decision process somewhere in life, either early or later on… or they give up on trying to remain pure amidst so much sexual pressure in society, as well as dealing with their sexual urges?
(I don’t feel we ever get past trying to show why… we need to enable young people from the day they start puberty to be able to know how… both directly and indirectly… directly dealing with the urges.. and indirectly dealing with insecurity, pride, peer pressure, bad music, bad books etc that lead them and soften them up for sexual immorality)
regina franklin on December 13, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Dear Rock Solid,
I appreciate your honesty and wisdom. When it comes to presenting sexual purity in the church, I think we’re finally starting to learn that a “list of don’ts” don’t work.
I agree with you that most people aren’t drawn to sexual sin simply because they want to overstep God’s boundary. The temptation goes back to the garden and a misconception that God is withholding something good from us by placing boundaries on us. Add to that the current statistics that one in three females will experience some form of sexual violation before age 18, and the odds can seem overwhelming. And those statistics don’t even give an account for the loss of innocence that happens through visual or auditory media.
When I was exposed to pornography at age 7 by neighborhood kids, I have no concept that those images would stay with me for many years and stir things I had yet even to conceptualize.
Sometimes, we may be tempted to throw our hands up in despair and come to accept things simply as a part of our culture and therefore our churches. Perhaps, I’m a bit pessimistic, but I don’t think the culture will change course–sex perversion sells all too well, and there’s an endless supply of consumers as new generations are birthed. But I am absolutely confident of the power of the Word and the body of Christ if we will be willing to change one life at a time–beginning with our own.
You posed the question about one’s past affecting future relationships. I believe this pain is one of the places the enemy keeps hidden from us when we are enjoying the pleasure of sin, but an area which later creates much grief and regret. I am reminded of Romans 5 and specifically verse 5. I believe God can release a grace into our lives specific to these circumstances because we are able to receive the love He has released in us through the work of the Holy Spirit. When I was worthless, He died for me–the same is true for those whose choices affect my life.
Restoration, while it can come in a moment, often happens in process–by degrees as it were. The challenge for us is to believe and to allow the character of Christ to be birthed in us–whether we are the one who remained pure or the one who is filled with deep regret.
As far as facing pressure in a current relationship, scripture promises that God will not allow us to experience temptation beyond what we are able to handle. Moreover, He has guaranteed a way out, if we’re willing to look for it. Time and again, I’ve been guilty of wanting the way out to be comfortable. Purity has a cost–but the dividends far outweigh whatever must be layed down for the moment. When it comes to any sin that threatens to beset us, the first line of defense comes through the Word, but I also believe that relationships of accountability can help us stay the course when our desires or emotions threaten to derail us.
learning2serv on December 14, 2009 at 11:11 am
I’m chuckling as I sit here reading your reply Regina (please forgive me for calling you a “he” in my earlier reply). But the chuckle is not so much filled with humor as it is with wry understanding of how deep – and repetitive – the work of the enemy is.
My first memory of unwanted sexual exposure was about 8 years old. I was at a gas station I would visit now and then to get maps (I liked to collect them and they still had free maps at stations then). The man (I believe he was the station attendant) masturbated in front of me.
I left, and I am grateful that more didn’t happen – but that was enough. Because I grew up overweight, my social life with the opposite sex was virtually non existent, and of course, you can imagine the impact of my first “sexual encounter”.
Pornography, a handful of illicit relationships, involvement with prostitutes, even homosexuality… wow, looking back on it, it’s pretty rough, pretty ugly.
But God…
It also reminds me of the power of God as I think on 13 years of faithful and faith-filled marriage. Not always on the ups and the temptations have been numerous, of course. 11 years in the military and I was in the best shape of my life, and of course my head would turn every now and then. My wife even used to call me a flirt.
But I learned the saving grace and the keeping power of God for myself. And as I remember these images that would be shameful, my heart fills with humble joy and awe that God loves me so much that He called me out of darkness, making me His own.
He healed my heart and made me a faithful husband, father and grandfather in a generation where so many think that it’s OK to “slip up” every now and then.
I know that God can free folks from the wrong ways of sexual addictions and habits. He did it for me. He’s not a respecter of persons. That means He’ll do it for you, too. In fact, it’s already done.
I really don’t know why I’m writing this. But I trust that someone reading this may need a word of encouragement. I’m putting me out there because you may need to know this: regardless of what you’re facing or have faced, or what you’ve done, God wants to free you completely from these things. But you have to love Him.
I don’t mean like Him or HIs Word or His people to the point to where it’s cool to do the God thing because “I found a group that I like”. I mean loving Him to the point of knowing nothing else matters but pleasing Him. It doesn’t come overnight but the choice can be made. Now. It is an “I Will…” thing. As King David said, “I Will Praise the Lord”. I don’t think his circumstances were always that great.
That comes by accepting what He has done for You. How He died for me and you. On the cross. And knowing that, you give Him your life. All of it.
And pray for a hunger for His Word and a desire to love people. Especially the ones that have done you so wrong in the past.
He will make you Free.