Q: I was raised a believer but left the faith in my teens, during which time I became involved in a sinful relationship. The difficulties arising from this relationship brought me back to Christ and I am a practicing Christian. My partner knows this and accepts this. My problem is that I have asked for forgiveness for the sins that brought our relationship about but I’m not sure if I should end it? Am I supposed to renounce all of it to leave my sinful ways or stay here because God turns everything for His glory? Do I marry a non-believer? —Lindsey
A: Hi, Lindsey. Thank you for your question. I can understand why you feel confused. It can feel like no answer is the right one.
But it’s clear that having the same mindset and sharing the same values is imperative in a marriage relationship. I can’t stress that enough. That’s why Scripture is clear about the importance of being equally bound in marriage (2 Corinthians 6:14). Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Being yoked means that you’re bound to one another. If you’re bound to a person who doesn’t share the same direction in life or the same life vision or values, the two of you will constantly be pulling in different directions. It will be contentious and full of conflict. This is a recipe for extreme unhappiness and/or disaster.
It’s so important for you to follow what Scripture and your redeemed heart is telling you. The Holy Spirit will give you direction and guide you and give you the courage to do what you know to be right for you. Also, seek godly counsel for mature believers who truly follow God’s Word.
Check out the following online articles: The first deals with the challenges of living with an unbelieving spouse and the second contains 10 principles for a strong marriage.
I hope these thoughts and resources prove to be helpful! —Allison Stevens
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mike wittmer on May 8, 2012 at 9:26 am
Lindsey: You have a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate what Jesus means to you. I wouldn’t tell you to immediately break up with your boyfriend, for after investing this much into another person it seems wise to give it time and see if he will come around to sharing your values. I would say that if you are living with him that it would be wise to find your own place as soon as is practical. Not only will this demonstrate your true repentance, but it will also put down a clear marker. If he loves you, he will only respect and value you more, for now he’ll realize that he can’t take you for granted, but must change if he wants to keep you. I benefited a lot from James Dobson’s book, “Love Must Be Tough.” So in addition to the excellent resources mentioned above, you might want to check that out too.
tom felten on May 8, 2012 at 11:12 am
Good thoughts, Allison and Mike. Lindsey, may your partner realize that to truly love him, you must first follow God in loving obedience. It won’t be easy, but it may be another way that God will touch his heart.
yemiks1 on May 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Oooh God!!! Let this partner know You by the power of Your name, words & spirit…making him an eternal candidate of Yours in Jesus name! amen.
35t3114 on May 14, 2012 at 7:48 pm
Lindsey, it sounds like you are facing a very important test. Check this out: http://getmorestrength.org/daily/final-exam/.
I have been through a similar one. Without going into detail, after doing something similar to what Mike has suggested of choosing to live apart from the unbeliever I realized how much stronger my faith and understanding of God’s love had become. More importantly I was able to take the time to truly understand His Word. Study the scripture and you will learn that love is holding no one before God. Once you begin praying to God for wisdom, guidance, understanding, and true selflessness you’ll see how you can develop a closer walk with Him. When you walk closer with God you are better able to discern the value of human differences. But, try to live apart first.
After you have changed your living arrangement (if you choose to)another suggestion would be to find out what you believe “love” is. If you have a belief that it is unconditional, selfless, and forgiving, etc. based on the truth of scripture, then ask what your partner believes that it is. You may then share the scriptures that discuss love. You may be able to see how your unbeliever may “one day” begin to believe. But, realize that you must put your faith in God, not man.