Q: I’ve been severely betrayed by someone who I thought was a true friend. Every time I see her at church I am reminded of how she hurt me and it angers me. I want to leave my current church now and move to another one. If has been almost a year since this happened and it has been the most difficult year of my life. How do you deal with betrayal? —M.H.
A: You’re hurting because a close friend and sister in Christ has betrayed you. It’s only natural to feel the way you felt towards her. Clearly, there are issues and emotions that require resolution and closure. There may be a need to sit down with her to talk about the betrayal, if you have not already done so. This may help you understand why she betrayed your trust. Perhaps she did it “accidentally” and inadvertently, without any ill intention to harm you. She may have failed you, but harbored no malice towards you.
Moving to another church is an option that is always yours to make, and it may be something that may aid your healing. But whether you stay or move on, you still need to learn to forgive. Maybe your friend doesn’t deserve it. And it is easier said than done. Whether or not reconciliation happens, forgiveness is still something that needs to happen in your life. Because it is the right thing to do, and the best thing you can do for yourself (Luke 17:3-5, Matthew 18:15, 21-22). Because this is the prerequisite for your own emotional recovery and spiritual health (Luke 7:47, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32).
Perhaps your isn’t feeling any better than you about the hurt she has caused you either. Perhaps she covets your forgiveness more than anything else, because she still wants to be your friend, but is unsure of what your response will be. And your making the first move will enable both of you to move on from here. Don’t lose a friend. True friends are hard to come by nowadays, and maybe this friendship is worth saving (Proverbs 18:24, 1 Peter 4:8).
Perhaps your friend has willfully harmed you with that betrayal. And it is natural that you want some justice. It’s certainly comforting to know that our Lord Jesus had experienced betrayal up close (Matthew 26:46-56). He fully understands what you are going through (Hebrews 2:14-18, 4:15-16). And he has paved the way to help us navigate through the painful times of betrayal. “He is your example, and you must follow in his steps…. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly” (1 Peter 2:21-23). And even if our best friends will betray us, our Heavenly Father assures us that He will not: “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” (Hebrew 13:5). —K.T. Sim
Feel free to submit a “you choose Q” to ODJ by using the contact us form on the home page!
jessie1 on February 11, 2014 at 2:15 pm
Perhaps there is some underlying reason that goes unexplained in this situation. Many times a persons actions are dictated by outside influences and pressures we are not aware of. I don’t know if you are a younger person or not, but age has a way of putting things into perspective. I have found that quite often the entire story is not brought to light. Few individuals are an open book, and they react in a way that is designed to protect themselves. It is important at this point (it seems to me) that one should respect the distance put between you by this person. Only time will tell if the friendship can be repaired and restored. Perhaps this will eventually become a friendship of a different sort. You can only pray to God for healing in the pain you feel right now and see what the future holds. God Bless Jessie
Mike Wittmer on February 14, 2014 at 12:37 pm
This is wise advice. You may also want to pray Psalm 55 to the Lord.