Q: How can I practically deal with a person who continually manipulates the situation? I know God is directing my path but it is very frustrating to be receiving continuous verbal assaults from him whenever I try to work with him about the welfare of my son. I am just about out of options now. Help me!  —Josephine

A: It’s hard to know for sure the kind of person you are up against. The individual you describe may be a foolish, insecure person who is out to control you or an evil person who wants to destroy you. Either way, you seem to be describing an antagonistic and toxic kind of person. Here a couple of thoughts:

When kids are involved, it’s important to submit to the authorities and let the court system, as imperfect as it is, handle what it can.

At the same time, if a controlling or evil person remains unrepentant, it is wise to limit your interactions with such a person. Only talk if necessary and set parameters that define what is and what is not acceptable when the two of you do interact. For instance, you can make it clear that you are open to talk with the person you described, and that you want to work things out for the good of your son, but you will only talk when he is calm and civil. If verbal attacks start, don’t respond in kind, but rather restate the parameters under which you will have a conversation. If he continues to violate those parameters, it will be necessary to end conversations. Even so, always try to let him know again of your willingness to talk when he is ready to speak with you in a respectful manner.

In severe cases, you may even require that a third party be present when you converse.

Whatever you do, don’t try to deal with people like this alone. You need the prayers, support, comfort, and the input of mature believers in Jesus.  —Jeff Olson

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