Q: I would be grateful if you could help me to understand the difference between judgment and disagreement. How do I live as a Christian indicating how and why I do things differently (when asked or questioned about it) without coming across to another person as being judgmental? —Tana
A: There is a difference and much of it boils down to our attitude. We can disagree graciously, while still caring for those who disagree with our beliefs or actions. We can choose to disagree while still respecting a person’s right to have an opinion or way of doing things that differs from our own. But we can also disagree in a judgmental way that says, “If you don’t see or do things my way then I have no use for you or your opinions. What you think isn’t worth my time or consideration.” The latter is an attitude of condemnation and rejection that’s outside of God’s call to love others as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). A judgmental attitude doesn’t foster relationships. It shuts them down.
In the end, we can’t control how a person will respond to our views, but we can strive to disagree with others in a non-judgmental way. This includes remaining open to feedback from others if they’re hearing us as being “judgmental.” They may be misunderstanding our intent for their own reasons, but we also need to be open to the fact that they could be picking up a judgmental spirit in us. For an article on Jesus’ teaching on judging click here. —Jeff Olson
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