Three years ago, this month, marked what we see now as the beginning of the end for my almost-4-year-old son Braeden’s battle with cancer. It has been over two and a half years now since he died. In that time I’ve experienced every emotion known to man. I’ve gone from numbness, to disbelief, to anguish, to hope, to joy, to anger and back again. While the emotions aren’t as wild as they used to be, I still experience most of them at one time or another. Today I am tearful. Today doesn’t hold any specific significance, really. I just miss my boy.

This photo is a drawing my daughter, Eliana, made at grief support group the other night. When she drew it, she was expressing her own heart in living with the death of her little brother. Little did she know what significance it would hold for many people. I posted the photo on our support group Facebook page and immediately received several comments from people saying how it resounded with them. In addition, one person even asked if we would mind if she and her husband had tattoos done of the picture!

When our child dies, our heart breaks. There are points when you think you will die. There are points when you WISH you would die. There are points when you are angry because you didn’t die. Bit by bit though, by God’s grace, our hearts are stitched back together. That’s not to say that we completely heal. I don’t believe we do. In fact, I think the scars remain for a purpose. Just like the scars in Jesus’ hands in the story of “doubting Thomas” in John, chapter 20, I believe God often leaves our scars to use for His purposes.

John 20:24-29: Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

I think it is significant that the scars remained on Jesus’ body when he was raised from the dead. Clearly, if God could raise Jesus from the dead, He could completely heal the wounds on His body, but He allowed them to remain. The fact that the scars remained was used to convince Thomas that He had, indeed, risen from the dead. What about us, though? Why would He not heal our mental and emotional scars? I think it is essentially for the same reason He chose not to heal His own. I think that He allows the scars to remain in our hearts, in order for the world to see Him, and believe. If the scars were erased, the evidence of His presence may be erased, as well. You may argue the opposite. “If He healed the scars, His power and presence would be all the more confirmed!” For some, that would be true…it wasn’t for Thomas, though. He needed to see something, feel something. God knows this is true with others, as well.

What about the hole in my heart, though? Why can’t God just take away the pain and leave the scars?

Once a wound heals, it doesn’t hurt anymore. You may be left with a visible scar, but when the wound heals, we tend to forget about the pain we experienced. Our children are flesh of our flesh and bone of our bone, though. When they die, we experience an amputation at the level of our soul. We have had something removed that is integral to life. Without it, we are like a car running on one less cylinder. That void never really does heal. I think that is more intentional than we may realize. Is it possible that the emptiness left behind is so that we don’t become desensitized to other people’s suffering? Our own suffering gives us insights in to others’ suffering and gives us the ability to engage in their grief and allows us to make an immediate connection with them. There is no question that God CAN fill the void, but if the hole in our heart was completely filled, we may forget what others are enduring and lose our ability to truly empathize with them. It is through our ongoing pain that we can serve Him better.  —submitted by Kevin Burgess, US