Had the privilege of attending my nephew’s wedding last Saturday. The couple, both in their early twenties, radiated love and joy as they said their vows. They stated that it was their desire for God to be at the center of their relationship. Their faith and commitment to Him and each other was evident.
But what will keep their marriage strong when the harsh winds of life threaten their relationship? One thing Chris and Jess chose to do prior to their marriage will likely help them during the tough times ahead. They met several times with a mature Christian couple who used an insightful book to lead the young couple in premarital counseling. What about your experience? How has premarital counseling or the lack of it affected your marriage?
pkwoodard on August 12, 2010 at 10:28 am
what was the name/author of book, please? thanks in advance.
tom felten on August 12, 2010 at 10:38 am
It’s Preparing for Marriage, editor Dennis Rainey. Hope this helps!
purestrength on August 13, 2010 at 8:55 am
My son and his wife met several times with our pastor before they were married. This counsel included a list of questions for the bride and groom to ask their parents. There were questions such as “What is the best part of your marriage?” and “How would you like us to handle holidays?” and “Do you have any specific expectations about where we will attend church? ” The questions were specific and caused me to think about these things in my own marriage. If the couple talks about these issues before they are married then I think they will have less difficulty in their lives lived together. I also think that if each partner is truly devoted to God first – that they will be successful in their marriage. Ephesians 4:32 ” Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
The lack of premarital counsel in my own marriage has been evident from the beginning. However by the Grace of God we have been married for 32 years. The joy of the Lord is my strength.
tom felten on August 18, 2010 at 2:47 pm
purestrength, thanks for sharing these insights. Like you, my wife and I received little counsel before marriage. And I echo your statement that it’s all about His grace that we have had many happy years together. Praise Him!
mike wittmer on August 17, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Tom:
I think pre-marital counseling is a must. The biggest thing I learned was that once I was married my wife was no longer my date but now she was family. That was a good thing–because we all need people we can entirely relax around and be ourselves–but that also raises many of our problems. We don’t try to impress family, we just are who we are around them, and that’s why more issues surface after we’re married than before.
tom felten on August 18, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Really good advice, Mike. We all need to remember that after a man and woman marry, they become “family.” As Marvin mentioned in a recent post, it can be easy to take our spouses for granted. So it’s vital that each married person continue to date his or her spouse and keep growing a vibrant love relationship!
pri1465 on August 20, 2010 at 9:02 am
I read “the adventures of being a wife” by Ruth Vincent Peale and another book of which I can’t remeber the name. But it had some very good examples. heres one.
The wife felt that the husband loved his mother more than her. So she decided to test him. She decided that when they visited her mother in laws house, as they did each week, she would pretend to be very ill and say she wanted to go home. If her husband took her home immediately then he loved her more than his mother but if he didn’t take her home at once then he loved the mother more. But the husband saw it another way. he didn’t know about the test and he didn’t want to take the long drive on a lonely road cos if she got very ill they wouldn’t be able to get her to doctor on time he thought it would be best to stay at his mother’s till his wife was feeling better (because he was thinking of his wife and not because he wanted to stay at his mother’s) This is very important. not to test the other person because our reasoning is not their reasoning.
Also another thing is I have never said one nasty word to my husband even when I am hurt angry (we have been together for 21 and a half years 11 and a half of them married) Because however hurt you feel and want to hurt the other you can never take back a hurtful word.
Also if you love the other person like in 1 Corinthians 13 then you are always putting your partner’s want and needs first.
Also long before I met my husband I prayed continually for a husband who was a friend, lover, brother and father and God gave me all I wanted and so much more.
Also remember if you want to be loved you have to be loveable.
Never let the sun go down on your anger, always make up before going to bed.
Hope these help. They work for me.
Bex2010 on October 2, 2010 at 1:20 am
Our Pastor and his wife do pre marriage counseling with couples (4 sessions) a couple months prior to marrying them.
They gave a lot of home work and it was fun and interesting to complete.
My husband and I (married less then 5 months, together just over 3 years total) also was able to watch Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage and listen to Mark Gungors Radio show which changed our views about waiting for marriage.
I also read lots of books and since we have been married we have talked to my brother and sister in law who have been married 10 years, and to my father and mother in law who have been married over 30 years.
I think pre marriage counseling is a great tool and highly recommend it, as well as reading books and talking to other couples who have had long, successful, happy marriages.
But it’s also important to remember that no matter how much you study it’s the tests that prove how much you know!
With Gods love and grace anyone can make a marriage a long and lasting one =)
AManofGod on November 12, 2010 at 7:07 pm
WOW….Nelly you have given me some food for thought. In my own marriage of almost 23 years I have experienced many ups and downs. I won’t go into detail but my wife often has told me that she doesn’t love and does not want to be with me. She usually treats with with total disrespect and I have long wondered why would you treat your mate in such a way. She has asked me for a divorce several times citing things in my behaviour that need work. I am always growing as a Christian and admit that I am a work in progress but she sees only the ill things I did in the 80’s rather the good things I have done in the last 20 years. I have accepted her latest request for a divorce and sadly I am hoping it happens soon. I know I am a good God fearing man and I am tired of being abused by her….but is it God’s will or her will that we divorce? I want to do what is right in God’s eyes but I also want a wife that respects and honors me as a wife should. Should I proceed with her request for a divorce or continue to be verbally and emotionally abused by a woman who admittedly does not love me at all?