Every day we have a choice as to how we will use our words – to bless, complete and give life to others, or to curse, discourage, or crush the people in our sphere of influence. I am certain there are more, but I believe you can fit our words into at least four categories:
Careless words – A person whose tongue/speech is careless has a speech pattern that is filled with lies instead of truth, curses instead of blessings, and quick-tempered retorts rather than controlled and thoughtful responses. I suppose hurtful and senseless sarcasm would fit in this category as well. This person rarely thinks before they speak and often says insensitive things. Man, how I wish I can take some of my words back, or at least thought more carefully about what I should say before I said it. (Proverbs 10:18, 32; 11:9)
Manipulating words – A person whose tongue/speech is manipulative has a speech pattern that is filled with wrong motives, gossip, slander, flattery and twisting the truth. (Proverbs 6:12-14, 16-19; 8:13; 16:28)
Caring words – A person whose tongue/speech is caring and ministry focused has a speech pattern that speaks truthfully, while seeking to encourage and complete others. Words that focus on forgiveness would definitely fit in the category of speech. (Proverbs 10:32; 12:18, 25; 15:23)
Disciplined words – A person whose tongue/speech is disciplined has a speech pattern that thinks before they speak, knows when silence is best and is able to consistently give wise advice. (Proverbs 10:19; 11:12, 13; 12:16; 13:3)
Roughly what percentage of all your conversation falls into each of the four categories of speech? What other categories can you add?
Tarnished Gold on March 24, 2009 at 9:51 pm
This REALLY spoke to me today. Unfortunately, I find myself in the careless words and manipulating words category. I am such a good hearted person and mean well…WHY CAN’T I CONTROL MY TONGUE?! I have no idea why I say the things I say…but I do…I don’t want to be seen as silly, stupid, unintelligent, or like I didn’t “think of it first” so I bend the truth a little here and there. My Fiance is getting to the point where he has noticed I do these things on more than one occasion and he doesn’t understand why I can’t just THINK before I SPEAK. Or not try to embellish. I’ve been meditating on Scriptures but I have so many secrets…that I HAVE to bend the truth to keep everyone from knowing…am I living a lie? I believe I am. I pray God can release me from the bondage that I have created.
marvin williams on March 25, 2009 at 7:42 am
Tarnished Gold, thanks for your honesty and transparency in this reply. I want you to know something that has helped. This will sound really simple, but don’t miss the power. God loves you unconditionally. You don’t have to manage an image anymore. Also, the enemy loves secrecy and he keeps us in bondage through our secrets. We can close the gaps in our lives by confessing our sins to God (1 John 1:9). Also, we can close the gaps in our lives by confessing to one another (James 5:16). Find a trusted friend and strong believer to which you can open your heart and watch the gaps close and guilt lift. Praying for you today. Blessings!
Tarnished Gold on March 25, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Thank you so much, Marvin…I want to be free and in Christ, I know that’s just what I am MEANT to be! Thank you for the encouragement and Scripture…
Managing this image is too much. I just want to be me.
Thank you again for your prayers!
dkorff on March 25, 2009 at 6:11 am
Marvin, Thanks for this convicting yet well written reminder on the power of our words. As a father, this is one of my biggest struggles – to stay away from careless words and to move toward caring and disciplined words.
Unfortunately for me too many of my words fall in the careless or manipulating categories but I am working to change that.
marvin williams on March 25, 2009 at 7:53 am
dorff, thanks for your transparency. Parenting can be a tough job and sometimes I forget how important my words are in developing confidence and hope in my children. As a father I desire my children to take full advantage of opportunities available to them. When I see them lounging around, that raises my ire and sometimes I come across as a despot. Here are some phrases have helped me when I talk with my children – “I love you.” “I am proud of you.” and “you are good at . . . ”
Also, every month, on the day of their birth, I take each of my kids out for a day with dad. I spend time listening and shaping their character with my words.
Hang in there. i will be praying for you as you continue to shape your children with your words. Blessings on you, my brother.
Catherine on March 25, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Another great phrase to say to your kids is “I believe in you.”
I also like to say “I love you no matter what.”….
marvin williams on March 25, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Great additions, Catherine! Thanks.
kingskid on March 26, 2009 at 10:41 am
I was once told that the tongue is a little monster we keep caged behind our teeth. It can tear down or lift up. Once the words have left the mouth they can never return. They are out there. The tongue being one of the smallest organs can do the more damage then a fist.
Why do we say hurtful things? Maybe because we are hurting and we want others to hurt right along with us. I try to keep this in mind when in a disagreement with my wife, who in my opinion has to always be right. If I press the matter then it becomes her fault. Fault, what fault? We are having a discussion and I give my opinion and you give yours. Just because we don’t agree does not make you wrong and we don’t have to say hurtful things to get a point across.
Sometimes when we say something that comes out wrong, that is, said one way and meant to be understood as another. Then verbally stumble over what was said to try to rectify what was said. And if one is not so eloquent with word things escalate into hurt feelings.
I read a Chinese proverb that said, “It is better to keep you mouth shut and be thought a fool, then to open it and remove all doubt”. “Which brings me to another saying, you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.
So before I let my alligator mouth over ride my hummingbird brain I will keep my mouth shut, before I put my foot in it.
marvin williams on March 26, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Thanks for the comment and wisdom. It is so true that hurt people hurt people. You are right that we must know when to speak and when to remain silent. This is the mark and pattern of a wise person. Moreover, it is the mark and pattern of someone who is being controlled by the Holy Spirit. (Galatians 5:23).
enmoredo on April 17, 2009 at 1:12 am
i have learned a lot today with this scripture that i am careless and manipulative of my word…i have hurt the feeling of my beloved with false accusation. i am thankful that i bumped into this word and is willing to change my attitude although i know it is not that easy…but with God’s grace…I know i can change…thank you…Thank you Lord Jesus…
marvin williams on April 17, 2009 at 5:33 am
Thank you for your transparency. There are times when I hurt the feelings of my beloved (I call her my honey brown) as well. The key to what you said was – I am willing to change. Change is difficult, but we have the power through the Holy Spirit to be conformed to the image of Jesus (Romans 8:228-28). Trust Jesus to transform your words – day by day. May God richly bless you.
simplejoy on September 4, 2009 at 3:07 pm
This is a very good topic. It hits me in the guts. I am still in the process of evaluating what categories i got to on the listed types. The reality is i have each in varying degree. This is a mirror of who i really am with my words as a christian. I dont curse yet say hurtful words conciously and unconciously. its really hard to tame the tongue.
I have been a christian for 30 years and yet i am nowhere near where i should be with my words.
Thank you for sharing this and the need to be renewed daily in Christ.
hischild1 on September 30, 2009 at 8:44 am
Marvin, this is a very important topic!! thanx for
bringing it up!–I have just been delivered from
another type of words that I would like to add-
IDLE WORDS-meaningless conversations about
nothing, just talking to be heard or small talk-it can
really waist alot of valuable time, that you can be
using to minister to someone and make a
difference in their life, I have realized how valuable
time is and how fast is passes- IDLE WORDS can
lead you into saying things that you don’t mean or
agreeing with things just because someone else
said it – for example: when co-workers complain
about their jobs, we find ourselves complaining
too, when we really do appreciate our jobs… now
when I ask someone how they’re doing and they
say I’m doing good cause it’s Friday, I’ll say
everday that I have a job to come to, is a good day
for me!! just yestarday someone said thank
you for helping me see it that way!!!
thanx for letting me share Marvin!!
may God Continue to use you in a mighty and powerful way!