One of professor Haddon Robinson’s seminary students once came to speak with him about her husband’s assignments. She told him that her husband was under a lot of pressure and had been working hard, but he was running behind on getting his work done. But rather than asking Haddon to cut her husband some slack, she asked him not to. While she wanted him to do well and complete his studies, she also thought that people tended to go easy on her husband, and it wasn’t helping him to learn how to get things done on time.
This man’s wife wasn’t being vindictive. She was trying to help her husband—even though her intervention might have cost him a good grade.
Love seeks the best for others, even if it stretches them and makes them feel uncomfortable. It’s part of what Paul talked about when he wrote, “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good” (Romans 12:9).
No one loves perfectly, but love is the standard Jesus calls us to seek (Romans 12:10; John 15:12). And even Jesus showed us that there was more to real love than simply making a person feel better. After His death and resurrection, Jesus took Peter back to the night that he denied Him three times (John 21:15-17). It was a deeply painful time for Peter to recall, but Jesus took him there so He could reaffirm Peter and his mission.
Even though it sometimes hurts, real love asks: “How can I be an instrument that God can use to challenge and confront someone else?” Our goal is to help them become more of what God intends for them to be. Will you be willing to hurt in order to help?
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Matthew 15:32–16:12
More:
Read 2 Corinthians 7:8-9 to see how Paul cared enough for the Corinthians to bring them a painful message.
Next:
Where might God be calling you to “hurt” someone in order to help him or her? What’s the difference between hurting someone unnecessarily and speaking the truth in love?
sheridan voysey on July 21, 2011 at 3:53 am
What a challenging devotional, Jeff. Our western cultures definitely interpret ‘love’ as ‘helping people to feel good about themselves’ and often by ‘doing and saying what that person wants done or said’.
How can we love in a full, biblical way? And how can we ‘hurt in order to help’ as you’ve said, and yet avoid judgementalism in the process? Plenty have believed they were being ‘loving’ by pointing out another person’s supposed failings, and in so doing left that person decimated rather than restored.
Galatians 6:1, 2 Timothy 2:25 and Hebrews 5:2 come to mind as possible answers.
Looking forward to other’s thoughts.
GChoo on July 21, 2011 at 7:44 am
Yes, true love can hurt. Being a parent, i have to deal with the challenges posed by my teenage sons. Painful but worth it at the end of the day when they realised their wrong and came to apologise for not listening.
A couple of friendships were lost due to my sincere act. It hurts to lose them. God knows my good intention, so i can move on with my life.
One concern is about some churches. It is sad to know that some churches who are concerned more about attendances than preaching the truth of God. The ministers would rather preach what the congregation feels comfortable and loves to hear than confront them about sins that God disapproves of.
I am really blessed to be in a church where our ministers are not afraid to be challenged by preaching what the congregation may feel uncomfortable. Also, we have prayer ministry to pray and support those who need help to turn away from immoral sins and work on their relationship problems. It may stand to lose members for those who are unrepentant, but it will also help many to realise that God is gracious and merciful and will forgive us when we repent of our sins.
May God gives our the boldness and wisdom to speak the truth.
Jeff Olson on July 21, 2011 at 8:59 am
Sheridan, you raise a good question. It makes me think of Jesus calling us to take the log out of our eyes first before taking the speck out of another person’s eye (Matt &;1-5). One important way to avoid judgementalism is to keep in mind that at some level, I’m just as broken as the person I’m hurting to help. It’s when we think we have it all together that we become self-righteous, judgmental, and condemning.
donnaspins on July 21, 2011 at 9:35 am
I have been putting off doing something very difficult that would cause someone else to be very uncomfortable but they needed to stand on their own two feet. After reading this I prayed about it and ask God to take care of that person and help me to do it and not feel guilty because it was the best thing for this person. I did what I had to do and lo and behold God worked it all out wonderfully!!! What an awesome God we have!!!
Jeff Olson on July 21, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Donnaspins,
Thanks for sharing your story…it captures the essence of what I was hoping to convey.
I also appreciate the Solomon thought…there is a time to speak and a time to be silent…Sometimes we help by not saying more than we should.
winn collier on July 21, 2011 at 10:46 am
I have a wife like this.
And that’s a good thing.
I like the words strength and love put together. It adds an inherent dimension of love that, as you point out, our culture easily forgets.
regina franklin on July 21, 2011 at 11:03 am
Dear Jeff,
I needed this word of encouragement this morning. As leaders in our church, my husband and I see the fallout when issues remain unaddressed. Love means being willing to dig in with people and walk through the process of change with them–always speaking the hope that is found in Christ, being willing to be open about our own struggles, and caring enough to confront bad behavior.
Thanks for a word fitly spoken (Proverbs 25:11)
daisymarygoldr on July 21, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Good post! The difference between hurting someone unnecessarily and speaking the truth in love lies in the motive. If the intention is to insult the person to boost self-ego and make myself look better at the expense of another—then that is to hurt for personal gain.
When considered in the context of Ephesians 4:14-15, we speak the truth to guard someone from false doctrine and cause them to mature into the likeness of Christ—that is real love. Speaking the truth of God’s Word exposes error, dispels darkness and liberates the person. When those whom we care about are heading in the wrong direction, love will not ignore and let them continue in it till destruction. We honestly share our concerns in order to help them forsake the wrong and become right with God.
Paul confronted the Corinthians about their wrongs and says he had regretted at first, but then he realized that it was those harsh words that lead the people to sorrow and that sorrow led them to repentance. 2 Corinthians 7:8-9.
Speaking the truth is not easy. In fact, telling the truth means saying something that people do not want to hear. However, truth is what sets people free, so we need to tell the truth, whether others want to hear it or not. But there is no need to keep prating the truth in the pretense of love. Love will know when to stop talking as well. Solomon said there is a time to speak and a time to be silent…