When was the last time you had a squabble or experienced conflict with a family member or friend? What was at the center of your disagreement? How long did it take you to resolve the conflict? How was your joy affected by the conflict?
If you’re like me, conflict between you and the people you love strips you of the full measure of Christian joy.
One of the purposes Paul had in writing his epistle to the Philippians was to help them experience a full measure of joy—realized by reducing the friction in their relationships. He knew there was only one way this could happen. They would need to show one another the deep love that God had shown them (2:2). This love was unconditional and nondiscriminating. It was a love for one another that should be growing, not eroding.
Next, they could reduce conflict by working together with one mind and purpose (v.2). This did not mean that they had to think and act alike. It meant they should be striving passionately for the same goal—the glory of God and His kingdom. Also, they could reduce conflict by having the right motivation for serving others and by celebrating the good qualities, progress, success, and spiritual growth in the lives of fellow believers (v.3). Paul charged them to extend their concern beyond themselves and to relinquish their fascination with personalities, especially their own (v.4). His motivation for these strong commands was the most powerful example of unity and humility ever known—Jesus Christ (vv.5-11).
As we interact with family members, friends, co-workers and neighbors, we will experience conflict. But we can experience the full measure of joy as we continue to be motivated by the example of our Savior. Let’s reduce conflict by living out unity and humility.
More:
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up in honor (James 4:10).
Next:
How does Christ’s example of humility challenge your natural self-centeredness? Based on the principles found in Philippians, how will you change your way of resolving conflicts?
Sean on March 16, 2009 at 7:21 am
Thanks for these thoughts, Marvin. Yesterday I heard from an older man in my church who didn’t get what I shared in a church service. My response was not exactly Christlike. I just gave him a flippant response to his criticism. It would have been so much better if I had let him have his say, thanked him for it, and prayerfully considered what I could have learned from it. But I didn’t. It frustrates me that so often I focus on the comments instead of the relationshp and individual. This brother in Jesus could have stated his critical thoughts better, but I could have responded better too.
marvin williams on March 17, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Sean, thanks for the comments. Man, I have done this more often than I care to remember, and it seems to happen with the people I love the most. I thank God for the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and his power to help me respond appropriately. My obedience is not always immediate. So, I thank God for his grace. I agree that the relationship is much more important than the sometimes very critical comments. Blessings on you!
Afua on March 19, 2009 at 5:23 pm
How timely that I happened upon this website to find these words: “When was the last time you had a squabble or experienced conflict with a family member or friend? What was at the center of your disagreement? How long did it take you to resolve the conflict? How was your joy affected by the conflict?”
It just so happens that this conflict occurred Monday evening between my friend and I, who we are in a ” relationship.” The center of the disagreement for me was that he informed me of some upcoming trips that he is planning. I took offense or became upset at this information because it seems that he is always planning for himself to do this and do that and very little is planned for “us”. He could not understand why this should bother me.
There was some resolution by the end of the evening – I am often the one saying I am “sorry” but speaking again the next day he was giving me a very cold shoulder saying he did not like how the evening had gone. He could not understand why I just could not appreciate the evening we had together; be happy and not bother sharing any disappointment over what he told me. It feels to me like the joy got sucked right out of the relationship.
We talk and remain civil but neither is making an attempt to spend time together. What is an appropriate amount of time to let pass before we see each other again, I wonder? Have we misunderstood each other just one to many times?
Your words have encouraged me, however. I will put every effort into showing the love of God unconditionally in hope my joy in this relationship will return.
dpomroy on March 23, 2009 at 9:30 am
Afua, I to just had the same thing happen with my relationship last night. It seems to be happening more frequent. He constantly leaves me out of certain things, decisions, then I find out later. It’s not that I don’t trust him, but sometimes I feel like what else is he or could he be hiding from me? We have been seeing one another for 9 months and he has been divorced twice and has been a bachlor for 8 yrs. Sometimes I think that is the problem, but I really don’t know how to deal with it. This passage certainly helped me this morning. I’m going to have to rely on God to give me the wisdom to work on this. I will certainly pray for you and that the Lord helps you with your relationship. Take care and God Bless!
Deidra
marvin williams on March 24, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Deidra, my heart goes out to you on this issue. Glad that this post could provide some perspective and help for you. I would caution you, however, to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit regarding your relationship. Pay attention to the caution lights in your heart. Honesty and transparency are elements of humility and unity in a Christ-centered relationship. Is your significant other a believer?
dianalovesjesus2 on March 19, 2009 at 10:40 pm
God is so good. Just as I am struggling with an acquaintance…and being nudged by the Spirit that perhaps that wasn’t exactly how I should have behaved…here comes the grace and words of wisdom…to guide me into some growth and maturing….(aauuggghhh ) …and shedding of self….(why is that always so darn uncomfortable to do???!!!….grrrrr). Time to learn to walk with more humility…and sense of unity with others….humbly regarding them as more important than myself. The words are so easy to say….and it is not so easy to put into action.
I just discovered this place…and am thanking our gracious providential God for it…and you all. God bless.
tom felten on March 20, 2009 at 8:57 am
diana, it’s good to have you join in the conversation. Thanks for your transparency and for your willingness to humble yourself—something God desires. Jesus’ example inspires and humbles me every time I think about it (Philippians 2).
dianalovesjesus2 on March 22, 2009 at 11:41 am
I have been carrying this in prayer for the past few days, and I think our Lord is finally giving me the grace to move into trying to reconcile my past, shall we say, less than grace-filled behavior. One of the answers to my prayer has been the gaining of the understanding of how my behavior was motivated by my annoyance….rather than out of love for the other. The next answer to prayer was a growing love for the one who had ‘annoyed’ me….and so now I move promptly, into the grace-filled path of reconcilliation. Please keep me and the one I now love in your prayers. “Lord, give me the grace to always place others first, over myself.”
I am really enjoying this site….God bless you all, and thank you for this space!!
marvin williams on March 24, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Diane, this thrills my heart. Hearing how God is at work, bringing reconciliation, albeit in bite size chunks, is cause for rejoicing. Keep pushing forward and listening and obeying the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Bless you!
kaci316 on March 22, 2009 at 10:06 pm
I feel that I have to be reminded to stop thinking of myself all the time. When all I can see is just ME, ME, ME in the picture, I tend to be much more abrasive towards other people and aggressive in defending what I feel is MY RIGHTS. Thank you for reminding me that when Jesus came, He put us first instead of Himself. He was wronged yet never did He say a word on his own defense. However, at what point do we draw the line between Christ-like behavior and simply behaving as doormats?
marvin williams on March 24, 2009 at 1:20 pm
kaci316, thanks for the perspective. I want to protect my rights when I am wounded. I believe forgiveness is all about relinquishing my rights to get back at the person for the hurt they’ve caused me. The hardest and yet most fulfilling thing for me is letting the life of Jesus flow through me, causing me to forgive and love like he would. This only happens when we are controlled by the Holy Spirit. Thanks for responding.