From an ODJ community member: “I’ve experienced a number of unsuccessful dating relationships. Now, I’m feeling the pressure to get married from others and from within my own heart. What should I do?”
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pawprint on July 19, 2010 at 2:01 am
Pray like crazy. I’ve been praying and asking God for around 8 years now, all the while, yes, going through several unsuccessful dating relationships. I’ve tried unsuccessfully, various ways of meeting people, to little avail. While I’m seeing someone right now, who I may end up marrying, there is always this great fear that the rug is going to be pulled out from my feet at any moment or that it’s going to be ‘another unsuccessful relationship’. And of course, all the while the biological clock ticks. At the end of the day, I’m still back down to praying, cos while I’m feeling very unhappy and frustrated, and very often angry with God, in the sense of feeling like He’s blessed others more than me (and hence loves them more) I’ve come to realise also that there is no other viable alternative anyway. This may sound a little cynical, but … honestly, I’m in a similar situation now, 8 years feels very long, and all the usual nonsense about God will answer in time, seek God’s will…frankly, well, it’s usually said by people who Aren’t in the same situation, and all this advice doesn’t make a difference when you appear to be facing a very bleak future. Will be praying for ya too!
pastortim on July 19, 2010 at 4:32 am
I’m 43 and just ten months ago started dating a woman that will most likely be my wife, a giant undertaking as she has three kids from a previous marage. I waited a long time, I’ve been born again since I was twenty and felt preasure on both fronts, get maried, no stay single. One thing we all need to keep in mind, stay in Gods will, seek His face and He will guide you by the Holy Spirit. Never go by what ifs.
dianalovesjesus2 on July 19, 2010 at 10:55 am
I don’t consider a life celibate, and single…devoted to my Lord and King at all ‘bleak’…..this is the life I lead….but ….it is my ‘call’ as well…..so it is full. I am 56, single, never had children…and …life is very, very good!
Noe Meo on July 19, 2010 at 11:43 am
Don’t get married for the wrong reasons.
aroseisarose on July 19, 2010 at 5:57 pm
What Noe Meo said.
Above all, love YOU. No person is ever going to love you more than you will, and certainly no person is going to love you as much as God does. Love isn’t about trying to convince another person to love you. This is something I’m learning now.
I’m in my 30s and have had a string of unsuccessful dating relationships. Most of my friends are in relationships or married with kids. I “should” feel pressure. But truthfully, I don’t. Not anymore.
The last relationship taught me that if I approach any relationship with a measure of fear that it will fail or expectations about how it “should” be, then those will come to pass. It also taught me that if I’m not comfortable with myself, the other person won’t be either.
So, I’m learning to love myself more. Prayer helps me a lot. Whenever I feel insecure or find myself saying “Why won’t anyone love me?”, I try to ask God to to remind me how He sees me, and learning to feel God’s acceptance of me as a basis for acceptance of myself. Psalm 139’s been powerful for me.
Some hard questions I would ask myself in your situation is why I’m feeling pressure to be coupled. Is it because I’m afraid of remaining alone? Is it because I feel like I’m the odd one out? Or that time is running out?
One last thing I would say gently is that don’t ever sell yourself short just to be in a relationship. I learned this the hard way.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
csev on July 21, 2010 at 6:51 am
Don’t ever get into a relationship out of guilt. Don’t ever advance a relationship out of pressure from some one else. I have been happily married for 32 years and let me tell you it only works when we serve one another and put God at the center. Learn to be content where you are. If God brings you a mate great! If not, great!. He is sufficient. He is the only one that will fullfill you completely. Learn to let it go!
threse on July 21, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Unsuccessful relationships…Pressure… Things we are all too familiar with. 🙂
God has your highest good in mind. He loves you to the extent of not even withholding His Son from you. So why does He withhold a life partner from you?
Has He overlooked that detail of your life? Is He indifferent to your situation?
It would seem that way, but these thoughts are contrary to what the Word of God tells us about Him. He numbers the hairs on your head!
*I think the single most important thing in life is a relationship with your Creator.*
Allow God to fill that vacuum in your heart and soul. Walk with Him. Connect with Him. Be close to Him. Let His love fill you. Perfect love casts out fear. All that pressure you feel will simply vanish.
This season of being single affords you an opportunity like no other. You will come to know your Master like no one else can 🙂
Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you! 🙂
Carmi Salas-Sarte on July 22, 2010 at 6:25 am
The pressure does not stop after getting married. Once married, the pressure now would be when would you having children. After one child, the pressure would either be when would you having another child or where would you be putting them to school, so on and so forth.
NEVER let other people pressure you into making critical life decisions. It is God you have to please, not them.
Seek God first and His righteousness and ALL THESE THINGS shall be added unto you as well.
God came that we may have life and have it to the full. God remains true to His promises. Be the best that you can be. He will make things fall into place.
Zion..Dee on September 21, 2010 at 11:49 am
God bless you dear. i love your contribution.
lindagma on July 22, 2010 at 6:58 am
Perhaps our Heavenly Father still has work to do with you that would be encumbered by marriage… perhaps He has work to do with the mate He has for you. Focus on being content with yourself and your relationship with the Father… a mate CANNOT complete you.. and there are worse things than remaining single… like being in a miserable marriage because you forced the issue. Then you are stuck between vows you made before God to remain married for life and an unhappy union.
s_smorris on July 24, 2010 at 8:49 am
Singleness should be celebrated. This is the time you get to look after “you” to develop yourself spiritually and professionally. Many person rush out of their singleness and into marriage before God was finish with them as a result they carry a lot of baggage and an unfinished product into the marriage. This would not be fair to yourself and your mate.
God has a perfect mate preparing for you. Adam had to wait for God to create Eve. I think we also need to wait for God to create our Eves or bring us to our Adams.
PRAY and WAIT on God.
P.S. Don’t let failure (unsuccessful date) stop you from trying and never compromise your values to be successful.
ROSHAN on July 26, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Dear,
Marriage is a blessing. Ask yourself the qualities you look in your man, of course, a born again christian is the ultimate choice. adding to that, if your guy has most of the good fruits that our Christ asked for ( humility, righteous, loving )…get married. Its always nice to be a blessed christian couple than singledom.