I do not enjoy being at a loss for words. I feel helpless when I can’t offer comfort to someone who’s hurting. Facing unexpected circumstances with a loved one is difficult enough, but sometimes we feel powerless in not being able to answer their question, “Why?” In our desperation, we rifle through our thoughts in an attempt to at least ease their pain. But those who’ve been through deep waters of trial can attest that the silence of a friend is more golden than misspoken words, especially when the attempt to form answers only produces more pain.
The story of Job serves to prove this eternal truth: We can’t answer for God. Ecclesiastes 3:11 reminds us, “God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” The working of His hands is simply beyond our finite understanding (Romans 11:33-34)—something we find difficult to accept.
Job’s friends spoke a measure of truth, but their understanding was limited. Yes, God is powerful above our circumstances, and He sees the disobedience of the wicked and will bring justice to those who serve Him (Job 36:5-6). He also knows that suffering can help us grow in our faith and our ability to help others.
Job’s friend Elihu, though he did more than just try to get Job to repent of some unconfessed sin as others had done, still didn’t get the full picture. Job’s suffering wasn’t simply about his relationship with God. Times of suffering do reveal our level of dependency on and trust in God (Job 1:21-22, 2:9-10). But the journey through deep waters also becomes an opportunity for revelation and growth for ourselves and for others.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: John 13:1-20
More:
Read Romans 12:15 and consider what it means to truly come alongside someone who’s hurting.
Next:
How did you respond when a friend’s words to you during a difficult time seemed harsh and grating rather than comforting? How can the suffering of another person be used by God to help others grow in Him?
Gary Shultz on September 12, 2016 at 5:46 am
Hi Regina, good to hear from you again. Thankfully, I can not even remember a friend’s words being harsh or grating. I have experienced unwise words and I considered them more dangerous than harsh words because, although comforting, they led to wrong results. We would hope that the suffering of the saints would produce a sense of awe as they are held by the power of God’s love in difficult times. It is a great witness to see strength beyond human capacity extend into human suffering. What a different picture the child of God could paint in times of suffering. Thanks Regina
Regina Franklin on September 19, 2016 at 9:09 pm
Dear Gary–you present an interesting, and accurate truth–that “unwise words . . .though comforting . . . [can lead] to wrong results.” Silence is difficult for us because it makes us feel inadequate, but it is in those times that God can become visible, through our love and presence, to someone who is hurting. I love how you put it–that our experience with the comfort of the Holy Spirit would “produce a sense of awe.” Thank you for sharing.
gagirllive on September 12, 2016 at 7:37 am
Wow, Regina, I feel like you’ve been reading my journal from a few of years ago. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of friends and family who did try to “answer for God” about my particular trial. Like Job’s friends, their attempt at comfort and encouragement only added insult to my injury. There was one, however, who got it right because she remained silent, put her arms around me, and wept with me. It was my first real lesson in experiencing the difference between sympathy and empathy. The first feels sorry FOR your pain while the latter actually FEELS your pain. I think it requires a certain level of brokenness in one’s life to be able to enter the pain of another. I don’t think I knew that then and responded negatively to the well-meaning but insensitive words of my friends and family. Today I am able to be gracious to them because I know that they were only giving me what they had to give at the time, and God used their lack of real comfort to teach me to seek more diligently His unlimited supply. I also know that what I have gone through has produced in me a more compassionate and empathetic response toward others going through difficulties. 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5 has become so meaningful to me in this regard. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God, for as the sufferings of Christ abound in us so our consolation also abound through Christ.” Hmm…I guess this is God’s way of saying “pay it forward”. And I’m more than willing to do it. Thank you for this encouragement today, Regina. Grace and peace to you and to all my fellow travelers.
hsnpoor on September 12, 2016 at 11:42 am
Very well said, GG! I’m catching up today as I missed devotions yesterday. So I read yesterday’s Bible reading today and it struck me in Proverbs 10 that “a chattering fool comes to ruin” is repeated in vs. 8 and again in 10. Think that’s something Solomon really wanted to ram home, huh? And, I can’t remember where, but I know there is another Proverb that says, in effect, better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. I remember many, many years ago when studying Job in Sun. School that I think it was the first time I realized how practically instructive the Bible could be for living life. I remember I began to think of it, around that time, as an Owners Manual (like a car owners manual) and I continue to do so. Before then, I was so uncomfortable being around people who were going through something, that I would just open mouth and insert foot on a regular basis. That stopped dead with the Job reading. I can’t say I leapt immediately to empathy (if I remember correctly, I would visit the bereaved and instead of talking, I’d find things to do like washing the dishes, making beds, etc.; never got any push back on that behavior). It took some more living and some costly losses of my own to be able to truly empathize with others and it’s still not something I can do at will.
gagirllive on September 12, 2016 at 12:18 pm
Amen, Kim! “…visit the bereaved and instead of talking, I’d find things to do…” That’s what I’m talking about! That’s the best thing—just being there, silently praying and helping with what you can. No words required. One of the best things I’ve read about responding to someone’s loss that still sticks with me today is “Grief is deaf.” That is so wise. Don’t try to say too much. That’s where Job’s friends went wrong—talking too much and trying to play God. Their initial response was the best. They sat in silence with him in sackcloth and ashes. That’s empathy! And yes ma’am—the Bible sure is our manual for life! Appreciate you, missy. 🙂
hsnpoor on September 12, 2016 at 7:02 pm
“Grief is deaf”. Entered into the GG journal page….it’s filling up, GF!
hsnpoor on September 13, 2016 at 11:18 am
GG, was reading Oswald Chambers this morning and came across this in the wisdom box: “The place for the comforter is not that of one who preaches, but of the comrade who says nothing, but prays to God about the matter. The biggest thing you can do for those who are suffering is not to talk platitudes, not to ask questions, but to get into contact with God, and the “greater works” will be done by prayer (see John 14:12–13)”. I’d say that’s a timely word, huh?
gagirllive on September 13, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Love that! Thanks for sharing!
Regina Franklin on September 19, 2016 at 9:12 pm
Dear Gagirl–you demonstrate great wisdom when you identify that those friends, though they were far from comforters, were attempting to meet your need from what they were able to give. That is a great demonstration of learning to love people where they are. Sometimes we have such high expectations of people that we miss the opportunity for even greater intimacy with the Lord because there are some places only He can reach to us in.
Tom Felten on September 12, 2016 at 9:19 am
Thanks for sharing, Gary and Gagirl. What you both shared truly resonates. As I’ve gone through some challenges in life, one thing I’ve learned is the beauty of the Body of Christ in action. Sometimes in our desire not to “burden” others or perhaps out of pride, we can keep at arm’s length those who are trying to support us with a hug, word, or meal. Instead, as we allow people to use their God-given gifts to minister to us (just as we’re called to comfort them – See 2 Corinthians 1), we all can experience God’s presence and blessing in profound ways.
gagirllive on September 12, 2016 at 9:58 am
So true, Tom. The Body of Christ “in action” is a beautiful thing, and I am grateful to be a part of the giving and receiving of its blessings. What I described above was a case of words spoken without sensitivity—when people foolishly try to play God with your pain. It has really made me more aware of and cautious to handle other people’s pain with deep reverence, and at the same time give people room to make mistakes. After all, we are broken people trying to comfort other broken people. We need a wide margin, don’t we? I know I still have a lot to learn about responding in a Christ-like manner to pain—in my life as well as others. But I have learned a few things on what NOT to say! 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to engage with us here, Tom. Really appreciate that.
hsnpoor on September 12, 2016 at 11:44 am
Yes & Amen to that, GG!
hsnpoor on September 12, 2016 at 11:43 am
Amen, Tom!
youssef1777 on September 12, 2016 at 9:33 am
OUR SINS WASHED OUT BY OUR LOVELY LORD JESUS CHRIST . THANK YOU LORD FOR LOVE ME AND CARE ABOUT ME . GOD BLESS ALL .
youssef1777 on September 12, 2016 at 9:38 am
IF I THANK MY LORD FOR ALL MY LIFE . WILL NOT BE ENOUGH FOR WHAT YOU DONE FOR ME . GOD BLESS ALL .
youssef1777 on September 12, 2016 at 9:44 am
NO MATTERS WHAT THE WORLD SAID ABOUT US . LOVE THE LORD AND OBEY HIS WORD . WORK HARD IN IT . WE WILL HAVE OUR BIG REWARD WHEN OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST COME BACK AND TAKE US TO OUR REAL HOME . HAVE FAITH THAT . GOD BLESS ALL .
youssef1777 on September 12, 2016 at 9:56 am
OUR LOVELY LORD JESUS CHRIST SHOULD BE OUR EXAMPLE TO HOW WE LIVE . AND SHOW EXCELLENT EXAMPLE . SO THE PEOPLE SEE THAT AND PRAISE THE LORD IN HEAVEN .GOD BLESS ALL .
hsnpoor on September 12, 2016 at 11:45 am
Bless you too, Youssef!
minkjh on September 12, 2016 at 12:26 pm
This is always a tough call….how to respond in the face of tragedy, especially if it’s a family event. Our words and actions, even delivered with grace and the purest intent, are often countered with behaviors we did not expect even from loved ones who are strong in the faith. Currently experiencing that first-hand dealing with loss through miscarriage in my daughter-in-law and son’s family’s lives. Simply letting them know you are there for whatever need arises seems to be the path of least resistance so far as we allow God’s timing to confirm His divine omniscience and sovereignty. (Psalm 139:13-16)
gagirllive on September 12, 2016 at 12:40 pm
Minkjh, so sorry for the loss your son and his wife are experiencing—for all of you, as I can imagine as a parent feeling so helpless as to how to respond. I don’t know if you read what I posted to Kim (yikes!—I’m all over the forum today), but I think what your family is going through is a perfect example of how to respond when I stated—“Grief is deaf. ” I will be praying today for their comfort and wisdom for you as you tread lightly and prayerfully. Be encouraged.
minkjh on September 12, 2016 at 2:19 pm
You speak words of compassion, gagirllive, for which I am grateful. I have read of your trials from a previous post and pray your burden will be lifted. Amazing that all of His children share a common inheritance and we can take the assurances of Romans 8:17 to heart.
gagirllive on September 12, 2016 at 5:30 pm
Amen, minkjh. I pray that your children will soon be able to see past their hurt and know and trust that both their fathers’ hearts—God’s and yours—is only good toward them.
hsnpoor on September 12, 2016 at 6:59 pm
minkjh, my sympathy for your family’s loss. I’m so sorry….
Regina Franklin on September 19, 2016 at 9:13 pm
Dear Minkjh–praying for your son and daughter-in law–and also for you. May the Lord be so very near.