Dear Sheridan,
I know that you and your wife have never been able to have children. My husband and I haven’t been able to either, and we’ve tried almost everything to do so. The hardest thing I find is that the pain and the longing never seem to go away. I resonate with what Proverbs 30 says: The barren womb is never satisfied. I know you and Merryn have been able to move on with your lives. What I want to know is, Does the pain and longing ever go away, or just lessen over time? Yours sincerely, Becky
Dear Becky,
Merryn and I share your sadness. The longing that Proverbs 30 points to is so real. If you ultimately don’t have children, it will probably always hurt a little. But we’ve found that the “time between the tears” gets longer as time goes on—and the pain does lessen. For this to happen, however, you need to grieve well. Merryn and I could move forward only after we drew a line and brought our 10-year dream of having children to an end. It was time.
God may not be calling you to bring your dream to an end yet, but if He is, please know this: There is life without children. Your life won’t be over. But it will hurt for a time, and then it will begin to get better. And then you may find God using your pain in surprising ways: giving you a special grace in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:8-9), and using you to bring comfort to others who suffer (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). Jesus profoundly touched people’s lives through His deepest pain (Luke 23:33-34,39-43,47; John 19:26-27).
The empty womb may never be satisfied, but God has always brought good things out of nothing.
I’ll be praying that God clarifies the next step for you to take. With love, Sheridan
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: John 8:1-20
More:
Read 2 Corinthians 1:6 and consider what it says about the importance of comforting and encouraging other believers in Jesus.
Next:
What happened when you had to let a dream die? How have you seen God use pain for the good of others?
daleaproulx on July 29, 2014 at 5:46 am
Sheridan,
Thank you for your sharing of your, and your wife’s, pain.
I can relate to an extent, as prior to the birth of our daughter, my wife had three miscarriages, and after, a fourth. God’s call on our family was to adopt and we adopted a son and a daughter.
My suggestion is that Becky and her husband prayerfully discern if God is calling them to adopt children. Our son was adopted internationally and our daughter was a domestic adoption. I’d be happy to share our experience with them.
In our case, God’s plan for our family was much better than the plans that I had made.
May God’s Spirit comfort you and your wife.
In Christ,
Dale
Sheridan Voysey on July 29, 2014 at 5:58 am
Thank you so much for the comment, Dale.
Our story includes an attempt at adoption also, through the slightly tricky Australian system. After nearly three years of preparation and waiting, this sadly didn’t result in a placement for us (I tell our full story in the book Resurrection Year, details here: http://sheridanvoysey.com/resurrectionyear).
But other adoption systems, like America’s I believe, are more straight forward and I also encourage all in a similar situation to consider adoption. There is also a dire need for foster carers in almost all countries, and these placements often lead to adoption too.
I’m so glad to hear you and your wife have walked a successful path, Dale. God bless you and your family!
Gene on July 29, 2014 at 7:47 am
An unfulfilled dream is certainly tough to overcome, but my experience is that God has something better in store. This sounds like a cliché yet Scripture like Ephesians 3:19-21 (…him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine) makes it a truth that God knows us and our circumstances. He is way ahead of us and knows what is best.
Sheridan Voysey on July 29, 2014 at 8:05 am
Either something better in store, or perhaps something more effective for His plans. Thanks Gene.
ibukunoluwa12 on July 29, 2014 at 10:35 am
Though I have not gotten to the point of having Kids yet, but this I know, that God has a plan for us all, which are plans of God and not of evil to bring us to an expected end(Jeremiah 29 v 11) which could be helpful in situations like this, that whatever happens in our lives, God has a plan and HE will give us a blessed and fulfilled ending.
poohpity on July 29, 2014 at 11:21 am
Isaiah pointed out that our Savior would be cut down in the prime of His life without any descendents but that no one would pay attention to that fact. That to me shows that Jesus can empathize with the pain and sorrows of not having children. Isaiah 53:8 NLT
Sheridan Voysey on July 29, 2014 at 11:52 am
That is such an important point, poohpity, and one I’ve written and reflected on also. Jesus would’ve been expected to marry and have a family, in line with the Jewish cultural expectations of his day. He really can relate to missing out on marriage and family, either through circumstance or, in his case, by choice due to his divine mission.
Thanks for sharing.
alli on July 29, 2014 at 2:16 pm
After i pray thru and see if theres sin in my life or forefathers and make sure ive done nothing wrong. I have to accept Gods sovereignity. Bc His plans generally have little to do with mine and its hurtful to even have dreams not birthed from God. Ive heard God say to me. I know this is what you want but ‘ i dont need u to do that’ im arrogant bc i want to be used in a certain way. But its not my show. In fact the hardest thing is when God asks me to lay down a dream, honor another who has been chosen for an honor i havent. And still have a right attitude. We must ‘mourn’ with those who mourn..and even go past that and in our sorrow ‘celebrate’ w those who do. Truth is everyone has a cross even if mine doesnt look like hers
Winn Collier on July 30, 2014 at 3:08 pm
good words, Sheridan. good words.