Q: How can I effectively prevent triggering fear and insecurity of losing a fairly new relationship with man who wants to rush things? I am encouraging “waiting on God’s timing,” but am not able to effectively communicate it without triggering negative emotions.  —J

A: Great question. It has a lot of complex parts to unpack—something we can’t do completely in this format.

It usually takes a few months of counseling to understand all that is going on inside of a person such as the man in your life. But here are a couple of thoughts you might find helpful:

It’s important to understand that the ability to prevent triggering fear and insecurities in the kind of person you mentioned is usually not in our control. A person like this is typically easily triggered in their emotions for a host of reasons that it’s almost impossible to avoid setting them off.

While we can’t prevent triggering the negative things, we can learn to spot the cues when fear and anxiety are building up in them and invite them to put into words what they’re feeling before they get too upset (i.e. “You look unsettled about something. Would you like to tell me about it?”). Sometimes simply talking through the fear of being abandoned or alone—something that may be building up inside of them (and the long history that is usually behind such fears)—can help diffuse the building tension within the individual before there is some kind of an emotional eruption.

Offering to listen to others is one important way to bring the comfort of Jesus to the broken and hurt places in people’s lives. I pray you’ll find a way to do this with the man you mentioned in your question.  —Jeff Olson

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