Q: Both my sister and I have been hurt by a church we both grew up in. We are church “shopping” right now. Why is it that Christians in the church are so self-righteous and cold to those who are really in need and are hurting from various forms of abuse and recovered addictions? Aren’t Christians supposed to be supportive of one another instead of distant? —Melissa
A: Sadly, some Christians condemn and pull away from those who struggle in ways that they don’t, but this is not how Christ envisioned it. Jesus envisioned the church as a safe haven for the broken and the unhealthy, regardless of their struggles. When a group of certain religious leaders badmouthed Jesus for hanging out with sinners, He was quick to point out that, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do” (Matthew 9:12).
Every single one of us has aspects of our lives that are broken and unhealthy and in need of a doctor. Jesus meant for His followers to be a community of grace where hurting and lost people have a place to belong, a place where God can start to do a work of change, comfort, and renewal in their lives. Click here for an ODJ article I wrote on this subject. —Jeff Olson
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GChoo on February 15, 2012 at 10:28 am
I am also one christian who had been hurt by the church a few years ago. During my 8 years with this small congregation church, i was involved in every aspect of the church ministry especially handling the administration and treasury work. I will not go into the nitty gritty of it as it was really complicated.
Before this church, i was just a christian, not a practising one but did my little best to follow the teaching of God. You can call me half-baked christian by choice. I suppose when i was younger i was quite critical of other fellow christians and had always felt i would be better off reading God’s Word on my own than be in a church. How wrong was i. Looking back, i think i was quite self-righteous. My self centredness and ignorance of God’s Word did not make me realise that fellow christians may not be in that spiritually matured level to help others and/or they may hide their own struggles but ashame to reveal their own. We are all born in this fallen world and that is why so IMPORTANT to read and stay close to God’s Word. Also, at the same time to seek help from our minister who will refer us to spiritually matured and practising christians who are capable and have a willing heart to help us. MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT GIVE UP ON GOD. God is the ONLY ONE who will stay faithful to us and lead us through our deepest hurt and pain.
Praise God, after praying and searching His Word for half a year, i was finally led to a very vibrant, supportive and God focused church. My hurting heart had been healed through the cleansing grace of the the Holy Spirit over a period of worshipping in the Spirit and being prayed for. I am not only healed but have learnt alot about forgiveness. It is not important whether the other person has repented or not, it is the freedom we give to ourselves when we willingly take that step to forgive others. Remember that Jesus died for us even before we repent. Leave the judgement to God. It is easier said than done, but keep praying about it. God heals.
I think it is important for us to pray and be patient. God will definitely lead us to the church most suitable for us to grow in His Love and Grace. In the meanwhile, read His Word daily. Whichever church we go to, there will always be all kinds of christians. The question is ‘What kind of christian do you want to be?’ Each of us will have to answer to God for our actions and obedience when the time comes. Keeping you in prayer Melissa. God bless.
daisymarygoldr on February 21, 2012 at 5:23 pm
This is a uniquely western problem. In other parts of the world we don’t shop around for church. As pointed out, we all see ourselves as those who are born in sin and in need of a doctor. We ‘were’ drunkards, drug-addicts, prostitutes, thieves and murderers. And when we heard the good news of Jesus Christ, we believed in Him, were baptized, washed clean, healed and saved. And the Lord adds to the Church those who are being saved. So for us the church is not a club, to which we may join ourselves at our own discretion and upon our own terms.
We also don’t consider the Church as a hospital. In the church, Christians don’t get sick by engaging in unrepentant sinful activity. Through constant self-examination we keep ourselves as a fresh batch of dough without any trace of sin. It is not that we do not struggle with sin and are perfect. But we don’t practise perpetual sinful behavior. And this is what attracts others to Christ. In other words, we are the healthy body of Christ who go out into the streets and alleys to seek the lost and are able to reach out to the sick and hurting.
When members themselves are sick the body will not be doing very well. Ever heard of doctors and nurses themselves suffering from AIDS and trying to care for AIDS patients? If there is sickness in the church, then it is a sure sign of apostasy. When immoral practices that characterize the unbelieving culture are found in the lives of people in the church who are living together in fornication, worship money, lack forgiveness and brotherly love— it makes many to become weak and sick and some even die a premature death.
The grace of God sets us free from sin. And no church has ever shut the door to those who want to come to Christ and need help. For example, when asked if she’s gone to a church for help, one desperate, drug-addicted prostitute replied that she feels bad enough already. Going to a church, will only make her feel worse. Will someone with cancer dread going to the physician because the diagnosis and treatment will only make them feel worse?
Truth is people don’t want to leave the life of sin behind. We enjoy being gay, enjoy sleeping around with other’s spouses, enjoy drinking and doing drugs and enjoy watching and listening to all the vile things of a wicked and corrupt culture. With so much fun at our disposal that all our money can buy, why would anyone want to walk the narrow way to enter the Kingdom of God?
In my observation the church in America, are doing a great job to provide the hospital experience. In fact, the services are tailored to suit every individual and need. There are groups that even segregate people based on skin color to observe black history month and will surely provide contacts to a black church. Makes one wonder what exactly Melissa and her sister were told by Christians— when they went to church.