Ahead of me, two rows of cars waited for the traffic light to turn from red to green. Beside us, in the turn lane, a third line of vehicles awaited a green arrow so they could turn left.
The turn-lane arrow turned green. Our light remained red. But both vehicles in front of me (the two cars not in the turn lane) proceeded as if the green arrow applied to them! The horn-honking from opposing traffic was, shall we say, emphatic. Both drivers had been influenced by the driver in the turn lane—and each other—without a clue that their light was still red.
Whether intentional or otherwise, we do influence each other. And how easily we’re swayed when uncertain of the truth!
Among the “thirty sayings” he left for his son, King Solomon said this about influence: “Listen to the words of the wise; apply your heart to my instruction. For it is good to keep these sayings in your heart” (Proverbs 22:17-18). Then he noted the importance of choosing good friends. “Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul” (Proverbs 22:24-25).
It’s important to be discerning when choosing friends. At times, however, even trusted friends will display negative behaviors. So whose lead should we follow? Well, it’s hard to go wrong when we keep our eyes on the One who is the Truth. As the apostle Paul said, “Imitate me just as I imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
The more we follow leaders with integrity, heed wise counsel, and surround ourselves with friends who truly care about us, the less likely we’ll be swayed by a complaining coworker, popular opinion, or our own doubtful heart. Jesus can shape and lead us through others who are close to Him.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: 1 Samuel 14:1-23
More:
Note the chain of influence leading to disaster in Genesis 3:1-7. How might it have been prevented?
Next:
How do I react when I’m around someone who constantly complains or gossips? What would others say about my influence on them?
Gary Shultz on March 25, 2017 at 5:56 am
Hi Tim: Another anxious driver tip? You would have been proud of me yesterday, I rolled back my speed, and I stayed behind slower cars on several occasions, just to see if I could do it. I still got from point A to B and was not late and did so safely. I can’t say it was the most enjoyable process I ever took, but I’m in training….Years ago I had occasion to take my young son to work with me, he seemed to enjoy the different things and places I went; however, with a surgeons cut he said, “Is that all you old people do, complain?” I am still taken, in some instances, in “righteous complaining” but that question still haunts me. And your right, “what would others say about my influence on them?” Yes, I know that’s a whole life thing, driving and all. Our lives were transformed to be a light of God’s glory not an individualistic statement of who we think we are. Your right again, we need to be around good people, young and old, not just to shape support, but to maybe give us some honest observations. Thanks Tim, “easy” wasn’t mentioned.
tim gustafson on March 25, 2017 at 8:11 am
Haha, Gary, I thought of you as soon as I saw this one pop up. See, you and I are learning, aren’t we? I am really asking the Holy Spirit to help me with that impatience thing. For the record, I was not one of the cars honking. I happened to be directly behind the two that took off through the light. 🙂
purestrength on March 25, 2017 at 10:00 am
I would like to ask for your prayers and guidance on this topic. The person of ill-temper is my husband of 40 years. I have to constantly check my own words and feelings around him -which is all day, everyday. He has had several surgeries in the recent past and also has many physical disabilities and chronic pain. He often and daily talks negatively about people and situations. I feel like I am constantly swimming up stream. By the grace of God I am mostly able to stay positive because I know that God is in control of our lives and our circumstances. I know that a soft answer turns away wrath. There are days though when I just can’t take any more negativity and get into an argument with him, which never turns out well. To reassure those reading this, there is no physical abuse, just lots of “negative noise” Thank you so much for all of the authors here at Our Daily Journey. I read my devotions first thing every morning and I know your thoughts and words give me the strength to get through the day. Thanking God for his infinite grace. As a footnote – my husband accepted the Lord as his Savior 15 years ago however he is not very good at accepting advice and direction from others.
hsnpoor on March 25, 2017 at 1:16 pm
purestrength, I suspect your media name here is a reality and not a hope because your words resonate exactly that. And we know who gets the glory for that, right?! I also live with a chronic complainer, who is a Christian, who also happens to be ill. My saving grace is that my living situation is temporary and, praise be to God, I am not married to this person. But, bottom line, I can somewhat relate & empathize with you. I think what bothers me the most is they want, almost desperately, for you to agree with their criticism of everything and when we don’t, they just harp on it continually, as if the repetition will wear us down and force us to voice agreement. I take refuge in that Ephesians scripture that says when you have done all that you can, just STAND. I keep my mouth shut and do just that. Eventually my CC (constant complainer) moves on to a new subject. It’s wearing, though. I’m not sure I could take 40-years of this with no end in sight. Purestrength, scripture tells us that as much as it depends on us, be at peace with this person. Even happy people get cranky when in pain from a physical illness. But Godly people don’t allow that crankiness to invade their spiritual health, as well. Like Jesus said after coming down from the transfiguration to find his disciples couldn’t heal the man’s son, this kind only comes out with prayer and fasting. I know I do a lot of praying for others, but as I think about it, I’ve only fasted for something I wanted for myself…..and I got it! Something maybe both of us should think about? I pray you continued strength and a boatload of patience. May God bless you richly!
tim gustafson on March 25, 2017 at 6:09 pm
hsnpoor, agree with your counsel here! Nothing more wearing then a complainer, which is probably why God took such issue with it during the time of the Exodus and why the Proverbs deal with it as well. “Godly people don’t allow that crankiness to invade their spiritual health.” Good stuff! Lord, give us the strength and joy.
purestrength on March 28, 2017 at 12:19 pm
Amen! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
purestrength on March 28, 2017 at 12:24 pm
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers! The joy of the Lord is indeed my strength! Often when I am ready to walk out the door forever, the Lord sends me a special blessing that refreshes me to carry on.
goojunta on March 25, 2017 at 11:21 am
Anger is a symbol of pride and I need an overcoming grace of God to endure all things especially when one’s feelings are hurt by the persons you love so much. Maturity in is the ability to exhibit the fruit of the Holy Spirit through the grace of God. Without Him, I can do nothing.
tim gustafson on March 25, 2017 at 6:10 pm
You make such an excellent point that anger is an indication of our pride. Most anger is pretty much all about our rights and expectations being violated. Righteous anger generally takes offense when others are hurt.
trey102 on March 25, 2017 at 12:15 pm
Great article. I have been sad and a little anxious lately because I find myself losing a friend of close to a decade over this. He isn’t particularly angry, but he has become increasingly arrogant and irrationally combative over anything related to God or the Gospel. Since I have realized that he is not open to any sort of influence, I have found it too hard to be around him because of his demeanor. My wife and his girlfriend have been friends for a good while, but even that relationship is becoming damaged due to my friend’s belittling her curiosity about God and dissuading her from attending church.
This article was a great reminder that no relationship is without influence, and in a way, an answered prayer.
hsnpoor on March 25, 2017 at 1:35 pm
Trey, I read recently that hostility from a non-believer is actually an indication that the Lord is tilling the soil to bear fruit you’ve had a hand in planting. Your friend may be closer to, not further from, the Lord than he’s ever been. Get out of the way and let God have His way in this situation, while you pray, pray, pray. Prayer is so much more powerful than trying to help the Lord do what only He can do. Pray for yourself, your friend, your wife and your friends wife, that in the end, God’s Will be done. I’ll join you and I’m not going to wait for the victory. I’m shouting right now! Don’t leave me hanging Lord Jesus; your Kingdom is here!
hsnpoor on March 25, 2017 at 1:48 pm
Tim, wonderful devotion this morning! I’m full to overflowing and I’m not gonna mess up my testimony by talking in depth about my driving habits. Like Gary, let’s just say they’re getting better, which means that I don’t give voice to the thoughts in my head as often as I used to. I know, I have a long way to go. I’m thinking that there probably will not be any vehicles in Heaven or on the New Earth. That’s not just wishful thinking, but it seems to be a reasonable assumption based on how Jesus appeared to the Apostles in the upper room after His Ressurection, right? I love how your thought process triggers mine in new & different directions. God bless you, Tim! And to all my siblings in Christ who pass through today. Agape love to you!
tim gustafson on March 25, 2017 at 6:15 pm
Hey, we are all God’s works in progress, right, Sister? I’m right with ya here!
crossman61 on March 25, 2017 at 2:56 pm
Thank you Tim for a great message and convicting reminder. I have gone through a red light when I mistakenly saw the left arrow to turn left , turn green . My mind was wandering and after I was more than half way through the intersection I realized what I did . But I thought I would have been worse to stop at that point , and back up , to correct my mistake. I felt VERY SHEEPISH , at that moment , so maybe that was really why I kept going ? I was thankful it was later in the evening , and very little traffic . And also no cops around !!! When I was younger I drove recklessly , now being older I drive defensively . Partly due to my eyesight is not what it used to be , and I don’t trust it so much anymore. A lot of times I see how others drive , I have to admit I do sometimes get a little angry , and look at others as being selfish and inconsiderate , to get in front of another person . And I have engaged in this kind of behavior a few times also. When the light turns green down goes that pedal to the medal , thinking , NOPE not this time , I AM going first !!! I don’t like when that happens to others , and I especially don’t like when it happens to me . You are right Tim if we hang with someone long enough we can become like them, There is many lessons in life , we can learn from driving.
tim gustafson on March 25, 2017 at 6:12 pm
Yep, you are preaching to me, crossman! For one, I need to exercise MUCH more patience because I also need others to be patient with ME! : )
lha2017 on March 25, 2017 at 3:58 pm
This really speaks to me! Traffic drives me up the wall if I’m the one driving. x_x;;;
Sometimes it can be hard to completely avoid “hot-tempered” people, especially if they are close relations one cares about. Yet, every bit of this rings true! The real trick is to learn how to NOT be influenced by folks while still maintaining a healthy relationship with loved ones. (That’s a hard one, I know.)
**By “hot tempered”, I don’t mean “abusive”. That’s a completely different thing; if one is in an abusive friendship or relationship, that should be dissolved IMMEDIATELY!
tim gustafson on March 25, 2017 at 6:14 pm
In the interest of full disclosure, I think that most of my articles are about my own weaknesses. You bring up such an important consideration here. If we keep away from hot tempered people entirely, we’d pretty much need to leave the world. And the flip side of this coin is that we need to be salt and light — influencers for good — in a world that wants to influence us away from Christ.