“Oh, Dad . . . Dad,” he said with equal parts love and horror. Pointing at his father’s shocking blue pants, he went on: “It looks like you’re an aging youth pastor trying to look young.”
Truth hurts. But telling the painful truth about a garish pair of pants isn’t nearly as vital as the genuine accountability that seems so scarce today. We’re not lacking for confrontation. (Social media, anyone?) What we’re missing is helpful accountability, delivered in appropriate, loving doses and free of contempt.
When Paul wanted to build up a local church he’d started, he wrote a letter that author and pastor Ray Stedman calls “delightfully personal.” Paul said, “We know, dear brothers and sisters, that God loves you and has chosen you to be his own people” (1 Thessalonians 1:4). Then he acknowledged their persecution and identified with it because he himself was suffering, stating, “God gave us the courage to declare his Good News to you boldly, in spite of great opposition” (1 Thessalonians 2:2). Paul wasn’t about to lord it over them or criticize their performance. Rather, he came alongside them because he was one of them. And so he gave them instructions as one of their brothers-in-arms, saying, “We loved you so much that we shared with you” (1 Thessalonians 2:8).
Genuine accountability doesn’t mean nitpicking about a friend’s fashion choices (though it may mean making a gentle suggestion at the right time). Instead, real accountability motivates us to identify with our brothers and sisters. Together we help each other grow into the men and women God created us to be.
About those blinding blue pants: I gave them to charity. Some 17-year-old somewhere ought to be able to rock those pretty well.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Acts 27:27-44
More:
Galatians 6:1-3 shows us the balance we need in confronting each other.
Next:
What role does accountability play in your life? How are you helping others to grow in their lives for Christ?
godlove on November 17, 2016 at 1:46 am
Haha funny twist right at the end there, the proud wearer of the shocking blue pants was actually you, Tim! I can imagine the horror your son must have felt seeing you in that 🙂 Truth does hurt, especially when it is a hard truth coming from a loved one. However, speaking the truth in love is very important. Not only is helpful accountability (as you rightly put it) necessary amongst believers but I think it is indispensable for our growth in the faith, as Jesus says in Matthew 18:15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” We are not supposed to be beating down, shaming or embarrassing each another for our shortcomings but rather correcting and encouraging one another “gently and humbly” (as written in the passage in the More section). I certainly don’t think I’m too important to help someone but sometimes I just fear the natural tendency some people have to switch to defensive mode and point back to the fact that I’m not infallible myself in order to justify themselves. May God help us, not only to have the right choice of words when correcting but also to be receptive to correction ourselves. Thanks for sharing your first and last encounter with the blinding blue pants, Tim 🙂 Blessed day to you and to everyone.
tim gustafson on November 17, 2016 at 6:38 am
I’ll be having breakfast with that young man in just a few minutes here. 🙂
dejisonuga on November 17, 2016 at 4:34 am
The truth sets free indeed!!
Accountability means guiding each other towards knowing the truth and leading someone to doing the right thing.
tim gustafson on November 17, 2016 at 6:52 am
Yes, and accountability also means that we must be honest and approachable. We really need each other! Quiet solitude with God is vital, but He made us for community.
Gary Shultz on November 17, 2016 at 5:57 am
Tim, we have had many different men’s things; however we are trying a men’s group, again. Much of the point accountability, we took all volunteers who wanted to be together, prayerfully the group will form friendships, learn about each other a little deeper and become accountable. What we can’t have is any of this humor stuff! As you have done in the past and now do in this article is bring some humor to the fore. Although that is not your main thrust, and many subjects are rolled out with little thought to things that stimulate a healthy sense of humor, Square Tim Blue Pants. As you know many moments rise and fall around the ability to incorporate humor into a situation. I think some times accountability is one, and your son did a nice job, point made, a smile left. I don’t know, but to me the ability to bring humor is like a deeper personal perspective to the situation and a great way to deliver some of those dicey subjects. Could we say that humor may be the thinking man or woman’s best compliment? Thanks Tim
tim gustafson on November 17, 2016 at 6:42 am
Great point, Gary. I always enjoy your thoughtful take on the day’s post. I think I “inherited” that trait from my adoptive father, who was a very serious man of God, and yet could bring levity to any situation at just the right time. He was able to laugh at himself, and that made him so much more approachable. I miss him!
gagirllive on November 17, 2016 at 7:07 am
“Square Tim Blue Pants”! LOL!!!
tim gustafson on November 17, 2016 at 8:26 am
I shared that tag with my son. He found it very amusing! Has a couple of connotations there. 🙂 Great job, Gary! I’m probably stuck with it.
gagirllive on November 17, 2016 at 7:02 am
Well, now…I have some cobalt blue pants that look about that color, bro. No one has ever confronted me about them (not even my twenty-three year old daughter whom I consider my fashion police), so I guess I’m safe. Whew! 🙂 Tim, accountability in the Body of Christ thrives in the context of loving, honest, and close relationships, doesn’t it? Those qualities were certainly evident in Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians. Before you can speak constructively or make personal inquiries to a brother or sister, I believe you have to have a good place in their heart. You have to share your life with them, as Paul stated in verse 8. That’s been my experience on both ends. I’m wide open to it when it comes packaged in the context of a loving relationship. In fact, I seek it because I know I need it. Others can see in me what I can’t see in myself, and I want to always be teachable so that I can keep growing spiritually. Accountability is a necessary part of discipleship. Sometimes it requires us to say and hear hard things to and from one another. Sometimes it requires us to silently pray and watch God work. In my role as a mentor to new believers, I tread carefully in this area. Oftentimes I don’t need to say a thing as I watch the Holy Spirit do His job of convicting and correcting. As their minds become renewed and their belief system changes, so does their attitude and behavior. When I do speak to something, wrapping it in humility, meekness, and love is what I aim for, but no matter how hard I try there is always the risk that it’s going to hurt because it’s hard to hear the truth about ourselves. It’s not like that loaded (and deeply dreaded on his part) question I ask my husband from time to time— “Honey, does this make me look fat?” 🙂 No, when it comes to my walk with God, I want the TRUTH. And that might sting a bit. Such a good word for us today, Tim. Thanks. Oh…sorry you had to give up your blue pants, but I’m sure you’ve found other ways to express your colorful personality. 🙂 Grace and peace to you, bro, and to everyone today.
tim gustafson on November 17, 2016 at 8:29 am
This is a REALLY important aspect of accountability. We have to be able to trust each other. And sometimes, that just takes TIME. And, of course, the Holy Spirit! I actually have only a small number of friends that I can really be completely open with. A very small number! But I am so grateful for these brothers.
Oh, and GG, I don’t think you should set your husband up like that with such loaded questions. Hahaha
gagirllive on November 17, 2016 at 8:46 am
Haha. …gotta put him to the test sometimes, bro! 🙂
gagirllive on November 17, 2016 at 7:13 am
I’m not sure, but from here it looks like half of my comments got truncated. 🙁 I did have more to say than the funny about my blue pants, Tim. 🙂
kauai143 on November 17, 2016 at 7:46 am
Tim, boy did this bring back a memory! Took my 10 yr old son rock climbing at a local gym. I was in great shape and wore a little shirt that showed off my 6 pack. After a while my son told me that he didn’t like that the instructor kept checking me out. I went home that day and got rid off all of my little shirts! Later on in life I heard a fit, beautiful, older woman say in regards to clothing choices ” just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” I have used this as my mantra in sharing God’s truth with others. I can point out every sinful thing they are doing and back it up with scripture. But should I do this? Or should I choose to identify with them and come alongside them as Paul did with the Thessalonians? I know that when I have been in sin, it’s the love of a friend that pointed me to repentance.
tim gustafson on November 17, 2016 at 8:32 am
Now there’s some irony! My son (mentioned here) is taking my youngest son rock-climbing tomorrow. I’ll tell him to watch what he wears. Ha. Great advice from your friend, “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” And thank the Lord for loving friends! (Also for sons.)
sim jing ying on November 17, 2016 at 9:45 am
Other life I impact is accountable to me. I encourage my friends through the sharing of the word through mouth and social media like Facebook.
tim gustafson on November 17, 2016 at 10:30 am
Bless you for using social media for GOOD! A kind and timely word spoken publicly is solid gold these days! And it also honors Jesus.