Last year I received two pieces of extremely sad news within a few hours. First came the news that a dear friend died of a sudden heart attack. Steve, who was only 60 years old, was a good man who loved Jesus and his family. A few hours later brought the tragic news of a dearly loved couple whose marriage collapsed under the weight of an adulterous affair.
Both pieces of news hit me hard. One was painful enough; together they threatened to put me over the edge.
Later that night, I found myself tempted to do something I had never done before. I’ve personally never felt an urge to escape pain through alcohol. Food is normally my “anesthetic” of choice. But as I wrestled with my emotions, reeling from the death of a dear friend and a marriage I thought was as healthy as it gets, I was tempted to get my hands on some booze and drink the pain away.
I know. Not a good plan.
I’ve experienced enough grief to know that to run from the pain of loss is a bad idea. Stuffing the ache of a deep loss will more than likely cause it to emerge as something else, like an addiction or a depression.
The writer of Ecclesiastes offers grief-stricken souls a helpful perspective. “For everything there is a season.” There’s “a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4).
Seasons of grief come and go throughout our lives. And we must allow ourselves to feel the sting of our losses. Grieve in healthy ways that lead to new seasons of joy by God’s healing work (Matthew 5:4; Revelation 21:4). He is “close to the brokenhearted” and “rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18).
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Matthew 5:1-16
More:
Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 and consider what God does as we grieve loss in this life.
Next:
Are you going through a season of grief where you are struggling to grieve? Reach out in prayer to God and to a godly friend before it has a chance to turn into something worse.
daleproulx on June 28, 2016 at 5:27 am
Thank you for your honesty, Jeff. I was reminded of my wife of 27 years being burnt out with work five years ago. Our older daughter and I were away for three days visiting a college, my wife felt pushed over the edge with the demands of work, my two dogs, and caring for our two younger children, and when I returned home, told me that she needed help as she had experienced thoughts that drinking would have helped. Five years later, after working with a good counselor and switching to less-stressful employment, she is much happier. Such thoughts are a wake up call that we need help, support, increased coping strategies, or a change.
In Christ,
Dale
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 8:22 am
Your welcome…yes, such thoughts are an important wake up call…
corgimom on June 28, 2016 at 5:44 am
Jeff, your devotional is so timely, as is always the case in God’s hands. I suffer from depression and in the past 18 months have unfortunately “chosen” to self-medicate with alcohol. In this case my depression was spurred on by family changes that caused me great grief over the “loss” of a child who moved far away. I am now 2 days sober — I know, not a trend yet but I am hopeful! Please pray for me that God will continue to sustain me in my recovery. Don’t let Satan have any victory! One day, perhaps, my experience can help others.
bperez on June 28, 2016 at 8:04 am
Corgimom, I too suffered from depression about 5 years ago. 5 years ago my dad past away from complications with diabetes and within a span of less than 15 months my mom past to. My small business cafe failed, fell into depression, lost our home, my wife lost her job. One night a friend came over and we got to talking. i remember him telling me it is going to be alright! Look at the birds, God takes care of them. If God takes care of them, how much more will he take care of you. Long story short, my biggest take away from all this is I turned to God. I’ve known God since i was a kid but did not really have a personal relationship with Him. I surrendered everything to Him, one day at a time, God SUSTAINED us. I now commune with Him everyday. By His Grace and Mercy we made it through, better. By His refining fire, a new person is born. Material things losses it’s grip. So stay with God! One day at a time. And one day you will testify for him. God bless !!
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 8:16 am
What an awesome testimony, bperez! Thanks for sharing what the Lord has done. Glory to God!
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 8:29 am
Amen!
hsnpoor on June 28, 2016 at 11:41 am
If that is not a perfect “putting feet” on 2 Cor. 1:3-4, I can’t imagine what would be! Thank you for sharing, bperez! Made my spirit soar and I hope, pray and trust that corgimom is also touched, encouraged and will one day have her own victory/praise report to share to give hope to someone else who is struggling with what she has overcome, in Christ. To me, this is so what it is ALL about. Jesus gave us a gift that we must keep giving to others. We can’t make anyone accept the gift, but we should be so enthusiastic and enthralled by the privilege and the honor that Christ bestows on us to share it with others. Lord, please open a door for me THIS day that I may introduce you to someone who does not know you. Amen & Thank You, LORD!
godlove on June 28, 2016 at 3:00 pm
Thanks for sharing, bperez. Recovery from the pain of grief truly comes one day at a time. God sustains us through each day by His Grace and Mercy until the day you wake up and realise that the pain has reduced to the bare minimum. And corgimom, I hope this testimony and Jeff’s above help you to overcome your own grief. It probably won’t come overnight but stay close to our Divine Comforter and He will see you though it. Be blessed.
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 8:13 am
Corgimom, praying that you have many days of victory ahead as you work through recovery. Grace and peace to you.
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 8:28 am
Corginmom, I’m sorry to hear of your loss…I have prayed that the very pain that prompted you to turn to the false comforter of alchohol will continue to prompt you to reach out to Jesus and others for the comfort and care that you need.
al061016 on June 28, 2016 at 3:23 pm
Stay focused on Him, corgimom. He is “the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). Perhaps read the Bible and pray to Him when you want to turn to alcohol. I pray His healing power will work in you to help you recover in His never ending, never changing, never failing love.
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 3:56 pm
Wise counsel, my friend. Thanks!
Gary Shultz on June 28, 2016 at 6:00 am
Jeff, I’m with Dale, thanks for your honesty. Everybody has areas that pull to the dark side, myself included. That’s one of the great things about this journey the test of the metal. The opportunity to rely on God’s power and allow a work that is greater than ourselves to have the victory. Right now I’m on the other side of grief, a friend is reaching out in my direction. What a privilege, yet still a duty, to help be the flesh that points to the Spirit. I think it was Jennifer, that wrote some time ago, about opportunities for glory. Not much different then James telling us to count it all joy. Why, as we know God works behind the scenes of these eyes, way beyond the thoughts of this mind, as the Psalmist says, and pulls even bad or evil events into the weave of His will…….It’s also another good reason to go fishing once and a while, it’s better than shopping for me. Thanks Jeff, I’m sure your article will be an honest encouragement to others who struggle.
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 8:32 am
Your welcome, Gary…way to be there for your friend who is in the throes of grief…I’m sure just your willingness to walk along side of this person is a great source of comfort.
hsnpoor on June 28, 2016 at 11:47 am
God really did make man and woman different (no matter how current society is trying to homogenize God’s work). Fishing over shopping?!!! I don’t think so! BTW, that’s a clue as to how I got the handle “hsnpoor”; although, I’m much better now, thank you very much and Praise God!
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 8:11 am
As others have stated, your transparency is a breath of fresh air, Jeff. Thanks for sharing about a vulnerable time in your life. We’ve all been there…and will be there again before it’s all said and done. Our natural man defaults to self-medication, doesn’t it?—What can “I” do to stop the pain? I found myself trying to escape my painful situation by “hiding out” through books. Yeah, I know. I read a lot and when my life got incredibly painful I escaped by living vicariously through someone else’s story. My reading became idolatrous. I was hiding…not wanting to deal with my painful reality. I kept hearing God say, “Bring it into the light so I can comfort you and heal you.” It was hard, but I did. He is definitely a much better Hiding Place. Working through the hurt with Him has brought more healing than I could have imagined possible. It still hurts, but it’s a good kind of hurt, if that makes sense. God sovereignly allows grievous things to touch our lives, but He will provide comfort and help in the midst of it if we turn to Him. A verse that often strengthens me is Lamentations 3: 31–33…”For the Lord will not cast off forever. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. For He does not afflict willingly, not grieve the children of men.” Yep, His compassions…they fail not. Thanks, Jeff.
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 8:19 am
Correction…”…nor grieve the children of men.”
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 8:46 am
Your welcome, gagirlive…I would whole heartedly agree…engaging the hurt with God brings more healing than we ever can imagine when the loss is so raw…it’s a slow going process that we can’t or shouldn’t hurry along, but further grief open our hearts up to receive deeper moments of care and comfort…unlike the shallow comfort of a false comforter like alcohol or even reading books that can barely mimic what God intends for us to experience through healthy grief with Him and others.
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 9:36 am
So true, Jeff. I remember being so convicted about escaping through reading, and when I took a break from it, I found that the intensity of my pain came back with a vengeance…which made me retreat back to reading to avoid the pain. This cycle went on until I became fed up with the “false comfort”, as you put it. When I finally surrendered it all to the Lord, even in the hurt, there was relief. My soul settled down as I began the process of healing with Him. Unfortunately (or maybe it was fortune), I initially went through this virtually alone…without the support of Christian community. Although I shared it with my pastor and a few close friends, it seems no one knew what to do with it…or me. So they left me alone. My grief was compounded by islolation. I know that is not typical, but it seems that some grievous things are of such a nature that it’s just you and God. At least that’s been my experience. I’m wondering… has anyone else had that happen to them?
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 10:27 am
gagirllive, grief is compounded by isolation…God created for relationship with Him and others, not isolation. It often makes us feel shameful for our grief when others leave us alone because they don’t know what to do with us or can’t bear weighing into the heartache and messiness.
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 10:33 am
Yep. I know this too well, Jeff. So thankful my Wonderful Counselor has not let me drown in my grief. Thanks, bro.
hsnpoor on June 28, 2016 at 11:55 am
On the other hand, GAgirl, I think it was very healthy and brave of you to seek out others to support you (but, cripes, where do you find a support group for “over-reading”….just kidding and not trying to make light of your situation—I get it—it was TV for me) because most people isolate themselves purposely so they can “pet” their idols of choice (like drinking—yep, I’ve been there too) with no accountability to human community and the delusion that they can hide from a God they can’t actually see, but who sees and knows all.
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 12:05 pm
LOL…yeah, Kim, maybe I should start a group—Readers Anonymous. 🙂 I sought support for my grief, and when I didn’t get any, that’s when I turned to escape through reading. Doesn’t really matter what it is. It’s all idolatry when we try to meet our needs with anything other than God. I take it that you’re done with the shopping channel? 🙂
hsnpoor on June 29, 2016 at 1:03 am
So very, very true regarding what you said about idolatry. And, yes, not only done with the shopping channel, I’ve pushed TV to the peripheral of my life. Thank God! I’ve allowed that idiot box to take up way too many hours of my life that I’ll never get back.
al061016 on June 28, 2016 at 3:25 pm
Hi gagirllive,
Yes, I have been to a similar place as you where I felt only just me and God. However, it is also through this experience I see Him.
I feel a lot times, it is not other people do not want to help, however, we are human beings and have our limitations in our ability and our understanding of things. The only person who truly knows and understands the situations would be God. And we are so fortunate we have a Person we can go to in our time of need.
However, I am not suggesting don’t seek help. I don’t think it is wise to think we alone by ourselves can solve the problems. Do get your team. But, don’t forget to include God on your team.
Mike Wittmer on June 28, 2016 at 8:31 am
This is a good reminder of the truth of Galatians 6:2, which tells us to ‘bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of God.’ One important way we love each other is to grieve with each other, and so make the grief easier to bear.
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 8:47 am
Amen, Mike!
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 9:39 am
This is God’s way, Mike, but it doesn’t always take place. Grief comes in so many different sizes and shapes. Sometimes people don’t want to help you bear the burden when it’s messy.
hsnpoor on June 28, 2016 at 11:57 am
Ain’t that the truth! Still others, just don’t know how to ease the burden and wind up doing more harm than good….like Job’s friends….
gagirllive on June 28, 2016 at 12:07 pm
Amen to that. We all need to take a lesson from them on what NOT to do.
godlove on June 28, 2016 at 2:53 pm
Thanks for sharing your personal story with us, Jeff. Great advice as well, however, your story doesn’t tell us exactly how you eventually did get rid of the pain. I know the length of each daily devotional here doesn’t permit going into all the details but it would have been nice to have a hint on how you dealt with it, a practical real-life experience is always great to learn from. I have experienced much pain from grief which took years to finally go away (sometimes I have the impression that emotional pain hurts twice as much as physical pain). I remember reading all sorts of Scriptural references about dealing with grief (which helped a lot) and praying hard to God to take the pain away. I talked about it with friends who did their best to comfort me but really I didn’t hear anything which I didn’t already know. At some point, I decided to put on a forced a smile on my face to prove to everyone that I was fine. I binged in my own little ways (not alcohol though), from time to time, which like everyone knows, doesn’t make the pain go away, just postpones it while amplifying it. The pain finally went away… in its own time (time truly heals all wounds), or better still, I would say, in God’s time. So, my own conclusion about the pain of grief, is that which is written in Ecclesiastes 3:11, “God has made everything beautiful IN ITS TIME.” Or in HIS Time, as I like to put it. The one sure thing for me is that after the season of grieving and crying passes, the season of laughter and dancing will certainly come. Also, knowing that there is a time for everything, we must expect and embrace both, while keeping our feet always firmly grounded in the Word of the Lord to find strength and comfort, so that after the season passes we may still be standing strong. Thanks Jeff and sorry for the lengthy comment.
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 3:47 pm
Your welcome, godlove. To be completely honest, I wrote that piece the night and day after I was tempted to run from the pain of the sad news…so I could not write much about how I’ve grieved thos losses
It’s still been less than a year since my dear friend Steve suddenly passed away, who was once my high school basketball coach back in the day. I’m still grieving the pain of his death as I adjust to life without a one-time mentor who became a dear and trusted friend. My eyes are welling up right now as I think of his infectious smile and kind heart. The marital situation I spoke of is still very much up unresolved and continues to be a source of heartache. The way I’ve grieved is by talking with God and with friends who allow me to hurt in their presence…safe friends who remind me that the more we open our heart to embrace both the heartache of life and the hope of Jesus, the more we can stare loss like death in eye and truly say along with Paul, “O death, where is your sting?”
godlove on June 28, 2016 at 4:11 pm
Amen, Jeff, thanks for your response. Thank you very much for giving more details about your grieving, I’m sorry if I have made you go through some of the pain again. We can only lift everything up to God and pray that He guides us through the ups and downs which we are bound to face in this life. I pray that by the Grace of God our Comforter, you may soon get to the point where you will remember your friend with a smile and accept God’s Will to be done for the other situation. Blessings to you.
Jeff Olson on June 28, 2016 at 4:17 pm
No worries, godlove. You didn’t make my grief worse. I’m getting closer to that point of remembering my friend with a smile…that’s the difference between early and later grief. Early grief just feels awful, like being punched in the face. Later grief still brings tears, but it’s not as intense and brings more smiles…thanks for your concern!