We anticipated an amusing evening at church. Whether it would be the antics of our own kids or someone else’s, we were confident the kid-driven event would elicit laughter. Sure enough, laughter rang out, but my husband and I sat stunned and tried to hide our dismay. What had appeared to others as a funny comment had actually been a joke at my husband’s expense. Though we had felt tension with the couple in charge of the program, the episode exposed the depth of the chasm.
Conflict invariably enters our relationships. The greater revelation of our spiritual maturity is not if we ever experience it, but rather how we handle it. If we don’t understand our identity outside of others’ opinions, then every disagreement becomes personal. This lack of security was the very thing that plagued Saul and caused him to treat David as a threat rather than a son (1 Samuel 18:7-11, 1 Samuel 26:25).
But when our identity is rooted in God and His view, then we’re free to love others and work through conflict in a positive way. As Solomon wrote, “A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones” (Proverbs 14:30, see also Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 29:8). Though Saul was trying to kill him, David gained the victory when he honored God by sparing the troubled king’s life. David understood that he didn’t have to destroy someone else to feel stronger or more self-assured.
When we understand the meaning of the cross, we value the lives of those who seek to destroy us or our reputations, whether or not they will ever value ours. God’s love compels us to do as Jesus instructed in Mark 12:30-31: love Him with every part of who we are and love others as we love ourselves.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Acts 7:30-60
More:
Read Philippians 4:1-2 and consider what Paul was asking Euodia and Syntyche to do.
Next:
How can we be honest with people in times of conflict while also speaking the truth in love? How can we show respect to others in a practical manner even when we disagree with them?
Gary Shultz on October 17, 2015 at 8:43 am
To me you have it dialed in pretty good. I personally have come to view events like that in groups. I categorize them in basically two groups. People who know who you are and intentionally “bring it”, and those who have no regard or care for anyone, they are just going to get what they want. 1. The intentional (Eoudia/Syntyche) deal requires the “truth and light” probably prayer and at some point interaction. That is a very personal and hurtful, probably deliberate action, like yours. 2. An action that will rudely treat or endanger others and/or yourself that needs direct and sometimes decisive confrontation. It’s probably not personal, it’s a person acting out of self, rude or evil motives. We tend to lump these people together, but doing so could be very wrong and possibly dangerous. Sorry for the length, but these are hot button items in life. Thanks
Regina Franklin on October 20, 2015 at 10:19 pm
Dear Gary–thanks for your insightful feedback. You are definitely correct in that we have to sort through the situation to see what is really at hand–misunderstanding, old wounds, or even ambition. Conflict resolution can be complicated and often takes place at different levels depending on the our willingness and that of others to deal with “truth and light.” Sometimes, too, the environment which the relationship functions in can often add to the complexity of how we mend bridges with others.
Adriel L. on October 17, 2015 at 12:04 pm
Thank you for sharing, Regina. This may be too personal, but did you manage to resolve your conflict with the couple ultimately?
Regina Franklin on October 20, 2015 at 10:26 pm
Dear Adriel, you ask an honest and important question. Did we resolve the conflict in that we were able to talk over the incident and find out the root cause? Sadly, no. There were a multitude of layers and relationships at work (if that makes sense). But when we have interacted with the individuals (the Lord took us both separate directions and many miles apart), our exchanges have been amiable. Because I am someone who does not like leaving something unresolved (perhaps related a bit to my perfectionist tendencies), I have had to learn that not everyone wants to work through disagreements. Sometimes the resolution is as good as it gets for the time being until the Lord makes a way for further communication. I have also learned, though, that my ability to go for healing in my life isn’t dependent on another person’s willingness to deal with conflict. It rests in my readiness to be transparent with myself, others, and most importantly, the Lord. In other words, to whatever level I am willing to deal with my junk is the level to which I will find restoration in my heart and life.
Adriel L. on October 20, 2015 at 11:55 pm
Thank you. Lots of things worth pondering in what you said.