The memory is vivid. My wife Merryn and I sat in emotional pain, talking. “If this really is our last chance to have a baby and it doesn’t happen,” Merryn said, “I need something else.” We’d spent the past decade trying everything to start a family—IVF treatment, healing prayer, adoption—all without success. We now awaited the result of one final IVF round. “If it doesn’t happen,” she said, her face downcast, “I have to have something else to look forward to.”
Ironically, the previous 10 years had been fulfilling for my career. I had started a national radio show, written some books, and spoken at conferences. I’d been living my dreams.
“If this IVF round doesn’t work, I’d like to start again,” Merryn said. “Overseas.” Overseas? I thought to myself. And leave all I’ve accomplished here behind? Merryn needed a new dream, but fulfilling it required relinquishing my own.
Dreams are important. But as much as our lives should be sifted of drunkenness, immorality, quarrels, and jealousy (Romans 13:13), so our dreams must be sifted too—sifted by love. As Paul says, our ultimate obligation is to love each other (Romans 13:8). When sifted by love, some of our dreams may need to be reshaped, or even relinquished, so we can help others fulfill their dreams. We’re to be like Jesus (Romans 13:14), who relinquished His own dreams for us (Philippians 2:3-11). Would I do that for Merryn? I didn’t like the cost.
Well, we ultimately left Australia and moved to England where Merryn got a dream job at Oxford University. And I got an unexpected contract to write a book to help others through their own pain.
Jesus may call us to sift our dreams for others. But He often gives us some new dreams in return.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Genesis 21:8-21
More:
Reflect on Philippians 2:3-11 and how Jesus relinquished His divine privileges so we could live.
Next:
If your biggest dream became a reality, who else would benefit? How willing are you to relinquish a dream for another person?
alli on January 12, 2015 at 6:57 am
wow. this is confirmation for me. ive had to lay down a dream.so someone else could have theirs. its hard bc this person is an enemy. Its even harder bc they can never know what was sacrificed so they could have what they wanted as I stand taking a loss for their benefit. how do u deal even when you sacrifice for someone and they treat you like your the enemy. its difficult at times.
Sheridan Voysey on January 12, 2015 at 10:52 am
Wow, Alli, that’s quite a situation you’re in – but a good one. Just before I read your comment I read this from Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount: ‘But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.’ (Matthew 6:3-4).
Secret service is seen by the unseen God who will reward you for what you’ve done.
alli on January 12, 2015 at 3:34 pm
yes that was the scripture. I suppose there will be a reward. thanks so much
Gary Shultz on January 12, 2015 at 7:08 am
I struggle with the dream concept. I certainly don’t feel harsh towards a “dream”; however I think the way we define the subject may differ somewhat. I my case dreams were things I wanted to do, chart toppers, maybe selfish. Most, if any never occurred. I suppose I was not lending my dreams to God. My life has changed and when the dust settled I found God had moved me into areas that worked well, I was blessed. Possibly the secret is being able to match your dreams with God’s plan. That seems difficult sometimes when God says just take one step. So I find myself looking for God’s leading, even if it is one step at a time. To me that’s obedience, not a dream. Certainly no offense to those who have the dream gift, but I don’t seem to be a visionary. Thanks, another great topic.
Sheridan Voysey on January 12, 2015 at 10:54 am
‘Possibly the secret is being able to match your dreams with God’s plan.’ That’s it, Gary. I think it’s natural to dream and have aspirations for the future, but it’s important to hold them lightly and even more important to have them shaped and reshaped by God’s ‘dream’, his plans for us and the world.
tgustafs on January 12, 2015 at 9:19 am
Sheridan, the transparency that you and Merryn show us is so valuable! Thank you for this encouraging post.
Sheridan Voysey on January 12, 2015 at 10:55 am
Bless you, Tim!
Ruth O'reilly-smith on January 14, 2015 at 3:05 am
Sheridan, your story really connects with me. My husband and I have had to move cities and countries many times for his job and I’ve had to sacrifice precious friendships and incredible job opportunities over the years. Although there are times when I wonder what would have happened if we’d made different choices, I genuinely see God’s consistent provision and favor on us as a family as we purposefully honor Him above all dreams and hopes.