Charles complained to his friend about some lower back pain. He was seeking a sympathetic ear, but his friend gave him an honest assessment. “Your back isn’t your problem,” he pointed out. “It’s your stomach. Your stomach is so big it’s pulling on your back.”
Would you have been offended if someone said that to you?
In his column for REV! Magazine, Charles shared that he resisted the temptation to be offended. He lost the weight and his “back” problem went away. Charles recognized that “an open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy” (Proverbs 27:5-6).
The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than helped by criticism. Truth hurts. It bruises our ego. It calls for change. It makes us uncomfortable.
We need to recognize that true friends don’t find pleasure in hurting us. Rather, they love us too much to deceive us. They’re people who show loving courage by pointing out what we likely already know well—things we’ve found hard to accept and truly address. They tell us what we need to hear and not only what we want to hear.
Author Vaughn Roberts wrote, “There is a certain ‘niceness’ to a friendship where I can be, as they say, myself. But what I really need are relationships in which I will be encouraged to become better than myself. Myself needs to grow a little each day. I don’t want to be the myself I was yesterday. I want to be the myself that is developing each day to be more of a Christlike person.”
Do you have friends who are helping you grow in Christ? Make an effort to maintain those friendships. They’ll help you become better than today’s version of yourself.
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: 1 Thessalonians 1:1-10
More:
Read Ephesians 4:15 to remember the attitude we ought to have when speaking the truth.
Next:
How well do you take criticism? Why is it vital that you accept hard words spoken in love and speak the truth in love to others?
Gary Shultz on December 7, 2014 at 8:06 am
I think you do have the formula for a working friendship. No one hear wants to hear it. It is a rare person who functions that way today. And I ask myself the question is information really shared in a loving fashion? I guess some of the question is, do we speak to improve or just put down. And how do we listen? Do we pull the best from that or are we offended? Thank God for His frankness and most people are repulsed by it. God help us in working this out, both ways. May we become more thoughtful as we speak and listen. Thank you
Poh Fang Chia on December 7, 2014 at 10:42 pm
Thank you, Gary, for providing some helpful reflection questions. 🙂
ghchong on December 7, 2014 at 9:33 am
More direct: Psalm 69:28
bobrogers on December 7, 2014 at 6:52 pm
Thank you, Poh Phang Chia. This is one of the most helpful devotions I have read this year. Recently I encountered a similar situation when a Christian friend and colleague confronted me over my attitude. Ouch! It hurt, but after I had gone away and cooled down a little, I realised that what had been said was true and it was I who needed to change.
We read how God often confronted His people in very direct ways. Of course, He loved them, but, as Roberts said, He was not prepared to let them be the same as they were yesterday. Thank you.
Poh Fang Chia on December 7, 2014 at 10:40 pm
Me too. Recently, my friend and I had to work out a disagreement. It wasn’t easy to put aside our ego and listen carefully to what each other is saying. But thank God, we did. Through it, we learn to become more Christ-like. May God help us to become better friends.
Mike Wittmer on December 9, 2014 at 10:46 am
This is too convicting. Would I rather be ruined by praise or helped by criticism? I know what the answer should be, but I’m not sure I’m always there.