Two years ago, I held my father’s hand as he drew his last breath. Since then, as I’ve struggled to figure out what a world without Dad looks like, I’ve learned and relearned a few things about grieving.
I’m learning that it’s okay to grieve. Solomon observed that there’s a time for everything, including “a time to cry” and “a time to grieve” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
I’ve learned that the first rule of grieving is that there are no rules. Grieving is neither neat nor orderly. There’s no clearly defined path or timetable to follow. Different aspects of grief (the painful separation, disbelief, anger, guilt, hopelessness, etc.) fade in and out of our hearts with no discernible pattern. And there’s no way to know how many times we’ll experience any particular aspect or so-called stage of grief.
I’m learning that just because you feel or wrestle with something once doesn’t mean you’ll never do so again. Most people experience several recurring feelings and questions as they grieve, sometimes as if it’s for the first time. As C. S. Lewis observed after losing his wife, “For in grief nothing ‘stays put.’ One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats.”
As crazy as it makes me feel sometimes, I’m learning that I need to mourn. According to Jesus, comfort awaits the griever (Matthew 5:4). I’m learning that leaning into the pain of loss opens me up to lean on God and others for comfort.
Finally, I’m learning that Paul was right when he wrote that Christians grieve with hope. For it’s the hope of seeing our loved ones again when Jesus returns that helps to make bitter loss bearable (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17).
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: John 11:1-36
More:
Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 and consider what it says about God’s comfort in the midst of the loss of a loved one and other life challenges.
Next:
Why is it important for us to grieve? How can God use grief to draw us closer to Himself?
Tom Felten on August 18, 2014 at 10:54 am
Jeff, this truly resonates. What I’ve found is that the long stretches of grief no longer are there. But still, there will be moments when a bittersweet memory comes and a brief season of mourning follows. What a gift it is to have loved and have been loved by others. It’s a good thing to miss them and to grieve. But praise God that we do not grieve as those who have no hope!
Winn Collier on August 26, 2014 at 4:17 pm
I’ve been in the circle of a few people lately who need to grieve, but they will not allow themselves to do so. They even chastise themselves when they begin to move that direction (or are overcome by the grief that they’ve worked so hard to keep at bay). I really hope for them to have the courage to step into their grief – and receive God’s unique mercy that arrives in this place.