April 2013 marked a milestone birthday for me. To celebrate, we took a long trip to my college “stomping grounds.” Numerous tollbooths, scenic beach views, and city excursions marked our unforgettable vacation. The highlight for my husband and me, though, was a little unexpected: it was that our kids had actually enjoyed being together for an extended period of time.
Friction in any relationship is normal, even more so for family members who spend a great deal of time together. How interesting, then, that we become easily dismayed when we encounter conflict in our closest relationships—especially in the church. Like any family, the body of Christ is a combination of varied personalities, hidden quirks, and diverse needs. Though we’re all believers in Jesus, we’re far from carbon copies.
Sometimes, sermons regarding keeping harmony in the body of Christ can seem like simple admonitions to “play nice” with one another. But unity in the Spirit offers much more. If conflict is a given, we must ask ourselves not only what God requires of us in times of discord but also what gift He offers in our pursuit of peace (Psalm 34:14-15; Ephesians 2:14-22).
While, as parents, we valued not having to mediate between our kids, the greatest pleasure came in the closeness we had with them in the absence of arguing. The choice to lay down offenses, work through conflict, and show Christlike love is a reflection of our unity in Christ (Romans 15:5-6,13). We may be individuals, but we’re also part of a body. Jesus “makes the whole body fit together perfectly . . . healthy and growing and full of love” (Ephesians 4:16).
NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Joshua 23:1-16
More:
Read Romans 14:1-19 and consider how we can love other believers in Jesus even when we disagree in matters of freedom and conscience.
Next:
In what relationships are you sensing discord? How can you pursue peace in a way that addresses conflict in an authentic and healthy way?
Gary Shultz on March 5, 2014 at 5:20 am
What a picture! Does the world not ache for us to show it this kind of peaceful unity?
Regina Franklin on March 8, 2014 at 7:43 pm
Yes! Your response makes even more real Jesus’ teaching that the world would know us by our love for one another–the kind of love that works through conflict and looks to the good of others regardless of our differences.
Tom Felten on March 5, 2014 at 8:47 am
You’re so right, Regina. We will disagree with others in the Body of Christ, but how we do so (and how God is glorified or not in our conflict) makes all the difference.
Regina Franklin on March 8, 2014 at 7:43 pm
Well said, Tom. We shouldn’t look for the absence of conflict but for love seeping out in the midst of conflict.
Ruth O'reilly-smith on March 5, 2014 at 11:48 pm
Thanks for this Regina – I think one of the greatest temptations we have when facing conflict in the body of Christ, is the urge to walk away, find another church or to sit in the back row stewing in our bitterness and with as much distance between us and the person who has caused us offence. It’s not easy working through conflict but it is so rewarding when we choose to humble ourselves; putting away all selfishness, letting go of bitterness and forgiving and growing together as the church – That we would be known by our love (John 13:35).
Regina Franklin on March 8, 2014 at 7:46 pm
Dear Ruth,
You make an excellent point. All to often, we believe that burying conflict will take away the hurt or make the differences go away. Sometimes I think we avoid conflict because we hold winning the conflict as preeminent above walking in unity. If we fear we won’t win, or if we fear we may find out we have something to work on in our own lives, we walk away from the issue out of self-preservation. The only problem is that the issues don’t resolve on their own, and the festering of frustration is destructive not only to the body of Christ but to our own hearts and bodies.
petervalsa on March 9, 2014 at 11:28 am
My daughter is a bubbly extrovert and is a joy to all who know her. She very
frank and has many friends. Her husband on the other hand is the opposite.
He pretends to be frank, friendly etc. but in reality he is sly evasive and
pretty vindictive.
My daughter has a dog whom she adores. But he is constantly nagging her to
give it away or he will do so. I also am a dog lover and this attitude
bothers me. I would like to take it up with him, but knowing his nature he
could hurt the animal just to get even with me.
Please let me know how to handle this situation.
Mike Wittmer on March 13, 2014 at 10:32 am
Thank you for the encouragement that we’re not the only parents who are thankful for sibling harmony! Such harmony takes effort, within a family, among friends, and especially between husbands and wives. Our relationships won’t maintain themselves. Coasting is a sign that we’re losing.